ladybug8372

kimianne--right there with you....i lost my dad the day after you did...3/17/05. i was there from the moment the doctor told him/me that he would not live through the day....i was there up until he died. i have had a few emotional moments, but spent the evening that he died, up until last week, busy with funeral arrangements and helping my mom to get legal business tended to...so have not had time to really grieve. we have most of everything taken care of...that we can at this time anyway...so now that things have settled down.....it has hit me....and i dont know what i am supposed to do. i cant talk about it...i can talk about my dad being gone..but i cannot, in no way, talk about the last 3 days of his life...way too hard for me.

i am trying to figure how what is the healthy way to deal with losing my dad...am i to keep busy so that i dont think about it...or am i to make myself talk about it and cry, so that i am not holding it in...and risk having it hit me 10 times harder later on???

I have never experienced losing someone this close to me before...so I have no clue what I am supposed to do...to keep my sanity. I am soooo afraid that if I cave in and allow myself to truly grieve...that I will fall into a depression....and I have seen what that can do....my father fell into a deep depression a couple of years ago...and attempted suicide...so, I have seen first hand what depression can do to a person...so I am scared to let my emotions go....as I may not be able to stop. I loved my dad very much....he was ill for 5 years, and I was his caretaker right up to the end. I do not know how to make the pain go away....I am new at this myself...but just wanted to let you know that I am right there with you.