Grieving 7 years after my dad's death - Grief & Loss Message Board

sheltrpn · 04-11-2005, 10:01 AM

The anniversary of my dad's death is April 20th. I have been so depressed lately that I cannot function. Yesterday I cried all day. My mom says that it is because I never grieved after my father's death. My dad and I were extremely close, I had my son in December and we found out my dad had a brain tumor in January 98 and he was dead by April 20th. I had so many other things going on in my life that I guess I never did really grieve.

I need to deal with this and get over this depression, I don't want to feel this way, however, my mom advises me that if I do not go through the grief process I will be depressed. Any thoughts.

janeellen43 · 04-11-2005, 08:15 PM

I can relate...I have lost many people during my 44 yrs! My Grandmother who was more of a mother to me than my own mother...died when I just turned 16!A part of me died...I have never been the same!
I have been married 17yrs...the other person that has touched my life besides my husand...was his Brother!
He was kind...sweet...and yes...I loved him!!!He passed away last June from cancer at 44!He had stopped smoking 5 yrs ago!
He got very sick and within 5 months he was gone!My 3 year old daughter told me today that she "talks" to "Uncle bob" and sees him!!
I told her....he is in heaven!
She told me..."Yes he is" but that he still comes and talks to her!She can see him!!He comes in through the bedroom window and talks to her..hugs her and tells her all is ok!
I know 3 yr olds have a imagination...but not to this extent! JE

wmkcolors · 04-13-2005, 11:59 AM

All that I can say, is I CAN RELATE. I lost my mom last year, to cancer. She was still young. Today, I was sobbing, so, reading your post helps me feel less alone. I've felt so depressed. I'm so sorry for your grief. I am having very similar feelings. Unfortunately, I am also still struggling with how to cope. With sincere empathy....

Joanne_C · 05-25-2005, 09:20 PM

I don't think we ever completely "get over" the loss of a parent, but we can come to terms with their death and go on with our lives. My dad was my best friend and he's been gone for two years, and I still can't believe he's not still just a phone call away. I still catch myself thinking of telling him about something, or asking him about something, and then I remember ... I can't do that anymore. I still sometimes talk to my dad in my imagination ... I think on some plane he can still hear me. I'm always quoting things he might have said, or using phrases he often used. In a way my father lives on in me, since I'm so much like him. (Except he was a Republican and I'm a Democrat, LOL.)

If anyone finds that some time has passed and their grief is interfering with their ability to function, I think therapy or a support group (hospice has support groups for the families) can help. I've heard it said that a problem shared is a problem cut in half.

swivlehips · 05-27-2005, 05:09 PM

my dad passed away (only 54)in 1969 2 weeks after my 19th birthday and i still cry for him 35 yrs later, my mum passed away 20th may last year she was 85 and i am finding it really really difficult i miss her so much i visited her 2-3 times a day my daughter is not coping to well with it either she is 30 so i know how you are felling some days can be so sad i cant stop crying,