only one left in my family - Grief & Loss Message Board

sungirl66 · 05-17-2005, 04:35 PM

My Mom died 17 years ago, my brother 2 years ago and my Dad last year.

I cannot handle the fact that I am the only one left (I'm 37). I have constant flashbacks of my father's fight w/cancer and guilt that I didn't do enough for him. I think that the funeral services weren't enough or that the luncheon I had afterward wasn't enough....What a mess I am.

Any help with dealing w/the fact that my entire family is gone except for me?

wmkcolors · 05-17-2005, 08:05 PM

I can relate, though my story is different. My mom recently died of cancer. She was still very young. My grandmother, who I was very close to, died right before her. My sister has moved very far away and never communicates with me. I'm haunted by my mom's horrific pain, during the last year of her life. My parents separated, when I was 2. I rarely hear from my father. He doesn't reach out, though I've tried to get close to him. Now, I'm feeling very alone and isolated, realizing any chance of communication amongst the remainder of my family will be slim at best. My sister and my father haven't talked at all for over 12 years. She barely communicated with my mom, during those last months. I'm still struggling to find some stablility, amongst this immense feeling of loss, realizing "there is no family." I might get some help from therapy. I was crying alot today. I don't have the answers, but I wanted you to know I empathize with your loss.

miss helena · 05-18-2005, 01:55 AM

Wow, I can SO relate to your story! I've just turned 39 and lost my mum to ovarian cancer 4 months ago, which was 'traumatic' to say the least. I have no siblings, no kids and my father, whom I'm not that close to, is 82 and has been really stuggling since mum died. Besides dealing with the whole cancer/death experience, I've found myself having somewhat of an existential crisis too...! It is such a hard time, a real roller coaster. But I'm feeling a bit more positive now that life will be 'okay'.

Re having no family - this seems a very hard issue to resolve, as there aren't any easy answers, we can't just set goals or go shopping for a new family! ...I too struggle with the whole 'orphan' concept. It's a biggie! I think the best we can do is cultivate and maintain close friendships/relationships, have interests/hobbies and try to get involved with community groups.

Hope this helps a bit - I sometimes think a social/support group for people in our situation might help a bit.

Cheers, Helen

nikki11 · 05-18-2005, 03:02 AM

aww im sorry guys, i cant imagine how you must feel but just wanted to say that i am sorry for your losses and wish you bunches of happines for the future!

sungirl66 · 05-18-2005, 04:42 PM

Well, one good thing is that my fiance has a great family and I guess that I do have their support and love.

It's still hard though....I never thought that I'd be an orphan at 37.

Thanks for the responses.