still trying to greive after 7 years - Grief & Loss Message Board

brightonbelle · 05-21-2005, 08:15 AM

My mum died 7 year ago now.....i wasnt able to greive properly...i did grieve but im sure the grief was my fathers grief not my own....grieving for myself and my father would of been a too bigger burden for me. My father has since remarried to a woman my own age....i have very mixed up feeling for this, i cant seem to cry, and i cant understand all these emotions i have..its doing my head in. I should be pleased for my father as he is happier...but will never be

"normal" again. My mums death affected him badly and changed him into a completley different person...i did not have a relationship with him before the death of my mum ..but since we have become close...he has been very hard work emotionally...its very hard when i have my own family...is it too late to grieve? will i feel normal emotions soon. will i ever be able to picture my mum not in pain and sooooo thin. My dad has moved on why cant I?

wmkcolors · 05-22-2005, 10:39 AM

My mom died more recently, from cancer, but like you, I've had a hard time grieving. My step-father is already remarrying. I still have many haunting images of my mom in crippling pain. It was awful. I miss her so much. Yet, I feel "constipated" with the grief and even have a hard time crying. Maybe I'm afraid to feel it, because it hurts so much. You've been through alot. It's hard to watch your father remarry, because, it brings up memories of your mom. I watch my stepfather pick a new wife, while I just want to bring my mom back. Grief is such a process. I do know talking to someone can help. I've thought about grief counseling, because I've shut myself off to my feelings. I try to focus on things that bring me simple joys too. Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I can relate...

brightonbelle · 05-22-2005, 12:37 PM

thankyou for your response...u sure know how i am feeling. I am due to have some counselling soon...as i now have a death phobia which seems to be dominating my life....not sure that this will work for me...but its now affecting what i do and i worry about my family all the time...things that are absolutley silly...but i still create a sinario of wot could happen to them...and this makes me shudder and panic sometimes. I used to be a strong person, not anymore. im taking one day at a time.

Harmony417 · 05-22-2005, 01:05 PM

I am sorry that we all have to grieve from a loss of someone we have loved so dearly.

I to have had problems with the loss of my father and brother. My father died do to a train derailment in 1970, and his death has been riddled with nothing but mystery, this was 37 years ago. Still affected by it. My only brother passed away 7 years ago this May 20, so that day was very hard on me too. Miss them both dearly.

I wish the loss of things could give us comfort of positiveness. Nothing has helped me in either case. We three have something in common.

Blessings

Leona

kerry1 · 05-22-2005, 03:47 PM

I'm glad you're going to get some counseling. I've been grieving over 9/11 for four years, and I didn't even know anyone killed.

This was your MUM, so how are you supposed to suddenly stop grieving? Be kind to yourself - you hurt so much because you loved her so much. My mother still mourns her mother's death and it was 35 years ago.