My mom passed away very suddenly on March 12, 2005. It was 10 days after telling us on the 2nd that she had cancer. They first spotted in her liver but had said that was not her primary site. and they didn't know where it started. Each day brought more bad news as it was spreading rapidly through her body, My one sister and I did most of all her care giving while she was in hospital.. On March 10th my sister and I decided to take her home. We were told that she would never make it to the cancer clinic for treament. She died 2 days later at home with my Dad, sister and a good friend of moms and I at her side. That exprience is so fresh that I just can't explain right now. I have so many replays of those few days.
People had told me I would have good days and bad. And I thought I did have those bad days. But tues night was really the worst, I had her on my mind most of the week-end and all of a sudden I just started to sob. really sob. and I couldn't stop. I miss her so much. It was like while I was sobbing that I could hear my Mom saying. ****** (my real name) don't forget me. Oh mommy how could I ever forget you!. It's so unfair how all of this went, and I don't understand. I have so many unaswered question.
Has anyone every expierneced this? Just out of the blue you start crying. what can you do to comfort your self? I find that there are a lot of people who seem not to care or know how to help.
I am so sorry for a long post. My prayers are with all of you who are grieving. It sure isn't an easy process. I am just so sad
Thank-you for listening ( reading)
May God Bless.
Dear Elsabet: I don't think you can put a your grief in a time frame and expect that you'll be all better within that time frame. Do things eventually get better? Yes, they will but you have to give yourself time and distance from the event for that to happen.
You and your family suffered a deep and personal loss. Your mother had nutured and nourished your whole family and her absence will leave you all longing and sad. Also, her death, while expected was so very sudden. So, yes there will be times when that suddenness manifests itself in your suddenly crying and being sad and being angry and being frustrated.
In 1998, my father-in-law past away in May and my mother in July and there was times when the grief was so overwhelming. My wife and I were at the bedsides when both our parents passed away (her father at home and my mother in a nursing home). I would never really change those last few days and hours that we had with them for anything although it doesn't make the grief easier to bear. I was incredibly close to my father-in-law, probably closer to him than I had been to my own father, and that dead just blew me away. There were moments when I couldn't look at his picture or talk about him without having to leave the room.
And lately,I have been thinking so much about my mother. Her great-grandchildren are now at the age when she would really be enjoying them. And I just recently went through some major surgery and there was that whole mother/son thing that I thought about but that was missing.
You have a right to cry and a right to be sad. I think it's God's way of letting us remember. Certainly, if you feel as though this is becoming an impediment to your daily functioning and inhibiting other relationships you may want to seek out a grief support group in your area or a counselor. But know that your tears are an expression of your love and you loss. Bless you and your family through this very difficult time. Chris
Hi. My mother passed away in April of last year. Breast cancer took her from us. She lived with it for seven years. It wasn't until the last month did the cancer move quickly. I took care of her too. I was with her for her last breath and heart beat. She did pass peacefully, but it was very hard to be there for her. I wanted to be but it didn't hit me until a few days after the funeral. I cried of course at the funeral but the reality of not talking to her anymore hit HARD a few days later when I picked up my cell phone to call her on my way home. I had to share a moment about my daughter that I know she would want to know when all the sudden she wasn't there to tell. I stil find myself wanting to tell her about my daughter or son...what they did today or what time their games are. I think that mom knows everything I want to tell her or what is going on in my life....some how I know this. I do not know if you are religous or not...but my faith really helps me sometimes. I think God gave my mom cancer because he knew only his best angles could survive such a horrible disease and still smile everyday. So I know my kids have the best Guardian Angle they could ever have.
Just remember to let yourself break down and cry. Remember all the great times and the hugs. I know I really miss them. My mom use to hold me and hug me so tight and say "what would I ever do without you" I use to tell her that she was silly. Now I wish I had just one more hug and have her tell me that all over again. Life is just a stepping stone to bigger and brighter things. I know that my mom is waiting for me. I just have to be patient a little while longer before I get to see her again. So until then, I hug myself and think about what she would say to me. It still makes me cry but I am getting better.
I hope this helps. I cannot tell you that it is going to be easy, because it isn't going to be. Grief is something God wants us to experience. But it will get better. You will be able to think about her and smile or laugh. Give it time. Don't rush it. I think at first I tried to and found more hard days then easy days. I think about her every day. I am so glad that I got to be with her for the time that I did. Mom's are the best thing God ever created.
I feel for you at this very hard time and can really relate to what you are describing. My mother passed away recently, two months after an ovarian cancer diagnosis. I too have had bouts of 'sobbing' since then - it seems very different to crying about the usual sort of stuff, or 'poor me' sooky stuff, if you know what I mean. But I suppose watching your mother die is one of life's biggies and is profounding upsetting and life changing. I feel very upset when I think about what she went through and how she deteriorated and suffered. Cancer is a terrible disease!
I've found it important to have a balance between company and being alone - haven't wanted to be alone all the time, but some alone time has been useful for letting it all hang out! Others can be there and help, but unless they have gone through that exact experience, can never really know what its like...
Please don't feel bad about being upset-it would be more of a worry if you weren't! On the bright side, it's been five months since my mum died and it has gotten a bit better....I can actually concentrate at work, instead of just turning up and trying to go through the motions. It's just a very hard time to get through.
I am so terribly sorry for what you are going through. My Mom passed away on April 13, 2005. It is so very difficult. I don't know what can help except that reading about other's losses and writing about it does help to get it out a little. I was asked . . . when will you be yourself again? My Mom was so wise and intelligent and she was the rock of my life. When will I be myself again? Its not possible, for this experience has changed me. I am not the person I used to be. I am grateful to have been with her and taken care of her and I learned with her passing what courage is.
Go ahead and cry, rant and rave. There are no rules to grief. It is different for everyone. On my very bad days, I thank the Lord when I realize how lucky I am to have had a relationship so deep with my Mom, that others are not fortunate to have, that the pain of not having her here is terrible. I would rather it be this way, than not have known her in my life.
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