lost my dad 6 months ago - Grief & Loss Message Board

LBrook · 06-16-2005, 02:49 PM

Hi,
I lost my dad to esophagael cancer 6 months ago as of June 28th. I am 24 years old and he was very very young, too young. He never smoked either, ironically enough. He was the person I was closest to in the world, I related to him in a way that no one could ever fullfill.

Is anyone else having a hard time w/the "father's day" craze in every single store. I almost broke down in Barnes and Noble the other day when I saw all of the tables full of father's day presents. Even hearing advertisements on the radio "father's day is coming up! get your dad this gril blah blah!" makes me want to throw up.

I thought I was doing okay and past the sporadic crying phase, but now, almost 6 months later, it seems worse. I guess I can't pretend or imagine that he's away on vacation or that I just haven't visited home for a while.

Now it's all crashing down on me and it's very scary.

jpk · 06-17-2005, 02:55 AM

hi,my dad died 15 months ago,he was old,78 yrs to be exact,he died because he wanted to,he got wet and didnt get changed out of his wet clothes,i sat with my dad not understanding how it was i let him down or why he didnt love me enough to fight..you know all the things that go thru your mind while your brain trys to come to terms with whats happening,then after there are more questions,more doubt and sadness,what you are feeling is absolutley normal,you will feel sad,angry,rejected,alone,guilty for feeling angry,tearful,the list goes on,this is normal let it happen please,this is the grief process,if you dont let it happen in your own time you might never get over your loss,please i know what i am talking about,my mum died when i was 21,then my sister died when i was 23,so all i had left was my dad,i still cry,i still talk about him heaps and as a healing process ive done 2 things,firstly i wrote down all the things dads told me about his life,if you do this have lots and lots of tissues,ok,and secondly i started writing poems-sounds a bit daft i know but it helps,so if you want to cry-go ahead

Newguy912 · 06-24-2005, 02:14 PM

I'm seriously no expert but to me it feels like the more you think about it. The more upset you will get and start crying. If you try to just get on with your life. and not think about it as much you will start to realise that life must go on. Everything happens for a Reason, I guess thats what god wanted. Good luck.

wmkcolors · 07-12-2005, 12:47 PM

LBrook, I recently lost my mom to cancer, at a young age. I'm still tormented by her suffering. She was in so much pain. For 3 years, our family was in alot of stress, wondering if she'd survive. Grief can be complex. You lost your dad very early in life. Saying just don't think about it and stuff happens for a reason, isn't going to really help right now, because you reached out, due to the pain. I'm very empathetic and can only say, don't block the emotions. Try to share with someone you trust. It's an evolving process. I was so exhausted, by the time my mom passed away, that I just wanted to sleep. Now, I just appreciate even the smallest things that bring me some joy.

LBrook · 07-13-2005, 11:18 AM

Thank you for the post, I agree with you. It impossible to just block it out and "not think about it", and I don't think that would further my healing process. It seems that with every step forward, there are 5 steps back. Whether it be the cemetary monument being erected, fathers day, my mother breaking down, reminders of his favorite songs, ect. I know that everyone pretty much deals with the loss of their parents at some point, but it is usually at a stage where they were able to see you get married, be grandparents, and so on. The pain I feel not only stems from how much I miss my Dad, but from a selfish place of not having him in my future.