Is It my fault - Grief & Loss Message Board

History · 08-02-2005, 08:52 PM

Hi,

I just lost my father almost 2 weeks ago. He was sick with multiple illnesses but I still wasn't ready for him to go. See he had cheated death on several occassions and I don't know in the back of my mind he would continue to cheat death & stay with us. I feel guilty in so many ways. I mean I was there for him but maybe not enough. I want that last minute conversation again. I want my phone to ring and talk to him to tell him I love him. See what happened was he wasn't anwsering his phone one day and sometimes he did that becuz' he be so tired and on so many meds, he just don't anwser. I thought this was one of those days but it wasn't. When I arrived he was not communicating. This has always been my fear to find him passed out or dead. They rushed him to the hospital & with 2 days on life support we decided to take him off becuz' he was getting worse and his kidneys & liver had failed. Wow, you can never prepare yourself for this. It hurts so bad. The thought keeps running in my head. what if I wouldv'e gotten here faster, would he be with me today? The doctors continue to tell me that he wouldv'e passed regardless becuz' he was in bad shape but I still can't get over those questions.

I'm planning some counseling sessions with my pastor becuz' I feel that I need them to start the healing process.

Thanks fo listening

MarkTS · 08-03-2005, 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by History

Hi,

I just lost my father almost 2 weeks ago. He was sick with multiple illnesses but I still wasn't ready for him to go. See he had cheated death on several occassions and I don't know in the back of my mind he would continue to cheat death & stay with us. I feel guilty in so many ways. I mean I was there for him but maybe not enough. I want that last minute conversation again. I want my phone to ring and talk to him to tell him I love him. See what happened was he wasn't anwsering his phone one day and sometimes he did that becuz' he be so tired and on so many meds, he just don't anwser. I thought this was one of those days but it wasn't. When I arrived he was not communicating. This has always been my fear to find him passed out or dead. They rushed him to the hospital & with 2 days on life support we decided to take him off becuz' he was getting worse and his kidneys & liver had failed. Wow, you can never prepare yourself for this. It hurts so bad. The thought keeps running in my head. what if I wouldv'e gotten here faster, would he be with me today? The doctors continue to tell me that he wouldv'e passed regardless becuz' he was in bad shape but I still can't get over those questions.

I'm planning some counseling sessions with my pastor becuz' I feel that I need them to start the healing process.

Thanks fo listening

I know how you feel and I can assure you that it isn't your fault. I also wish that the last two minutes that I saw my father alive would have been different. I now think about so many things I've wanted to tell him about and I thought I had all the time in the world. Its hard but we can never truely know when our last minutes will be with our loved ones but I can assure you that your father wherever he is will cherish every last word you said to him because it was his sons words. Trust me just being with him and loving him (not just when he was sick but all your life) will be more than enough. Your father knew very well weeks before he died that his time was for the most part limited so I can assure you the last thing he was thinking about is what your last words would be to him. He would be thinking about all the fun times he had with you and I'm also very sure he might have felt guilty about all the things he might have wanted to do with you father and son but never got around to thinking he had enough time.

I'll just say to just hang on and know that your father would not want you feeling bad about that but would rather have you thinking about all the good times you had with him. If I was a father that is what I would want and I've kinda been made a father without notice so I've had all this time to think about these things.

History · 08-03-2005, 11:37 AM

Thank you Mark,

I appreciate your comforting words.

tmarie · 08-04-2005, 08:23 PM

my dad was diagnosed last Nov 2004 with cancer and died last April 2005. My brother and I took care of him at home until he passed away. I grieved so much when we were taking care of him. Once he died I was wondering why I wasn't grieving like I should be. What my brother, I and my dad went through I would not wish on my worst enemy...anyway 3 months later it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been crying so much. I miss him so much. I have been through so much stress at work too which is not helping. I was going for therapy and will be going back.

My thoughts are with you....

Rosarita · 08-04-2005, 09:23 PM

I'm sorry for your loss and do know how you feel. I too lost my Dad. With the help of your pastor, I pray you will see that you did all you could because you loved him so. I'll be praying for you. Rosa