I've tried to move on But! - Grief & Loss Message Board

elsabet · 08-28-2005, 09:29 PM

I feel as though I am falling to a bottom less pit. My Mom died suddenly March 12th 2005, 10 days after finding out she had cancer. It was so tragic, she was 69 years old. My Gramma, bless her soul, died very suddenly as well, On Aug 20th. at the age 97 years old. She had a very good life and I loved her so. Her funeral was tuesday. Aug 23, My 1 month wedding anniverary. Very early Friday morning (Aug. 25th) the phone rang in the dark. My Brother in-law, who has been on a waiting list for a heart transplant, Had a fall, striking his head so hard it fractured it and cause sever brain damage. He had been having dizzy spells and had fallen once already, He had just seen the heart specialist a week ago, and it was determined that his dizzy spells were caused by his blood pressure being low. But for now they wanted to keep it low so that his failing heart would not have to work so hard. If the dizzy spells continued then they would have to adjust his meds. He never had the chance. instead 1 or more persons are getting a second chance at life. I suppose I should be feelling happy that some where out there in this ole world, someone recieved the best news in thier lives, My brother in law was able to donate other organs so that others could live. There has to be a rainbow out there I just don't see it yet. I just don't know how to cope. 3 deaths in 5 1/2 months is too much to bear. We are having a memorial service on Wed. Aug 31. I don't know how I am going to get through it. My heart is breaking. How do you move on, anyone know?

smc612 · 08-29-2005, 03:22 PM

dear elsabet--- i am so sorry to hear of your losses. how do you go on? i don't know it is different for everyone. 8 years ago i buried my 21 year old daughter,5 years later my best friend and 6 months later my only sister committed suicide. 2 years later both of my husbands parents died a week apart.i go on everyday, not as the same person i was 8 years ago. i have days where i just want to cry, days where i don't want to get out of bed, days where i just want to yell at everyone who comes near me. i also have days that i am happy(as happy as i can be). please give yourself time. don't sell yourself short. there is no right or wrong way to grieve and no time limit. in your way in your time. my prayers will be with you through the memorial service. believe in God, He has never left me alone.

SRMom · 08-29-2005, 03:45 PM

The bottomless pit you speak of is a hole left by the absence of loved ones who've had to move on to the unknown. We hope it is a place like heaven and will be reunited after our deaths (my chosen belief). In time, those empty spaces will be filled with new loved ones, like children, grandchildren and new friends, and your life will be happy in a new way. Death of loved ones changes us all, it's part of life and never easy to get used to. We resist change, but it comes anyway. Talking about it helps and we're here to listen. I am so sorry for your losses.

trekgirl · 08-30-2005, 05:27 AM

It is hard to lose so much in such a short period of time. You need to be able to confide in someone and that will helps relieve the tension part of the grieving. The pain will be there for some time, you were close to the all. Never allow people to tell you that you should go on like nothing happened. That just means that they have problems and not dealing with. it. Hope you find someone to just confie your feeling to. Just take it one day at a time. Grieving is a long process with no time limit. Every person deals with it differently. Have a blessed day.

trekgirl