My nephew tried to kill himself: - Grief & Loss Message Board

MarkTS · 09-24-2005, 05:11 AM

Man this seems so out of the blue that is for sure. To start in case you don't know my nephew lost both his parents this past fathers day. He seemed to be doing so well and adjusting so well but I guess I was wrong. Even now I feel like its my fault because knowing what I know now he would have finished the job if things went fine. To sum things up he came home from school with a note saying he got into a fight. I just told him if he wanted to talk about why he was fighting I would listen. Granted I wasn't mad or angry with him (because I didn't know the facts) but I was upset. I ended up sending him upstairs like always to do his homework. About 15 minutes later I hear a big noise upstairs so I run up and lets just say I wasn't expecting to see what I did. He tried to hang himself in the closet and the hanger bar just snapped out of the wall which caused him to fall to the ground. I ended up being forced to have him baker acted and put in a mental hospital.

The ER doctors said if it wasn't for the bar breaking he would have been killed. He wasn't breathing when EMS got on scene if that gives you an idea just how close this was. Now all I can say to myself is I should have noticed sooner. I knew he was upset and I even said to myself several times that he seemed very quiet upstairs. I always have to go upstairs to get him to turn off the TV and do his homework. I just can't deal with the fact of never knowing if he is feeling fine or not because I can't tell the difference.

For the first time in my entire life when the EMS guys said he wasn't breathing I myself felt like killing myself. I can say if he did kill himself I know I couldn't have lived with myself after that. My problem is that knowing this I'm scared to death to take him in again after all of this. I'm starting to question if him staying with me is the best thing for him because trying to kill himself isn't good. I'm going to have at least a week at home by myself to think about this stuff and right now I don't trust the doctors and such. I would rather listen to people who have been through something like this than these doctors.

SandraM · 09-24-2005, 06:51 AM

Sorry to hear about your losses. How old is your nephew?
Do you have legal guardianship with your nephew now?

Hugs Sandra

MarkTS · 09-24-2005, 07:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SandraM

Sorry to hear about your losses. How old is your nephew?
Do you have legal guardianship with your nephew now?

Hugs Sandra

Almost 8 years old and yes I have legal custody of him as I'm his godfather. Its been hard enough with my losses. I lost my father and brother. My nephew lost both his parents and his grandfather. This just hasn't been easy for him and this hasn't exactly helped my recovery either.

SandraM · 09-24-2005, 07:31 AM

Do you have children too?
Have you tried grief councelling?

Big hugs sweety.

Sandra

MarkTS · 09-24-2005, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SandraM

Do you have children too?
Have you tried grief councelling?

Big hugs sweety.

Sandra

No children of my own at least not yet. We both have been to grief councelling many times. We had two just this last week and the doctors seemed to be very happy with how well he has adjusted. I'm going into his school on Monday so I can try and find out what the fight was about. The more I think about this I want to know what this other kid did or said because it set him off and led to what he did. Chris has always been shy and that is more true today. He has never been in a fight and always avoids most kids so I know whatever this kid said got him to think of killing himself. I still think I should have noticed this right away knowing what he is like.

I'm going to visit him soon and allow him the chance to talk with me if he wants. I won't force it but he needs to know that he must start talking to me about this. I do know that it was pure emotion that led this event because he wouldn't stop crying once he woke up in the hospital. He knew exactly what he tried todo and kept on saying sorry.

I also think he understands now that doing something like this can't be changed if he did die. It just scares me to think about what was said or done to drive this much emotion for this specific act. From what the letter said the teachers had to run outside and take Chris down because he kept on kicking this boy even when he was down. This all occured after school so they let him walk home and the school called to make sure he gave me the letter.