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Old 01-30-2006, 01:23 PM   #1
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kali23 HB User
Why can't I cry?

My dad died of cancer on January 22 of this year. He was diagnosed in July 2005. I feel an emptiness in my heart that I cannot describe, and I am worried because I cannot cry. I cried a lot while he was sick, especially the last few days during hospice care. I was extremely close to my dad - we always had such a special connection. I'm only 24 years old, and it's only been a couple of years since I lived at home. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing okay, and other times I feel like my insides are eating themselves.

I know this just happened, and I have a long road of grief and coping ahead of me, but I'm just wondering if anyone else had this same experience of feeling like you need to cry but you just can't. How can I make myself cry? Will I feel better if I can cry? I guess it seems like there are all these tears inside me that I can't get out. Even when the sadness feels overwhelming, the tears get caught in my throat.

 
Old 02-01-2006, 03:24 PM   #2
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Re: Why can't I cry?

Well, I've been crying now, which is a relief in a way. It just kind of hit me this afternoon when I got home from work. I started sobbing and couldn't stop for almost an hour.

I've been having a lot of physical symptoms this week, and I'm wondering how much, if not all of it, is due to grief. Does anyone know what some of the physical effects of grief are? I've had a terrible upset stomach, and my heart has been beating really fast. Has anyone experienced this? Does anything help other than time?

 
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Old 02-01-2006, 03:49 PM   #3
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Re: Why can't I cry?

Hello Kali, I can feel how painful this time is for you. I am not any kind of expert, just an older Mom & grandmother, and I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss. There is no "right" way to grieve. It is as individual as your fingerprint. Please don't feel you are grieving in a right or wrong way. It seems to me that talking to someone who will listen could help - a relative, a friend, or a religious guide. It is so very human to feel this pain you are feeling, and we have all gone through it or will go through it if we love someone so much. You are perhaps feeling cheated out of the years you thought you'd have with your father. I lost my father when I was 41, and I know it seemed way too early to me! Love and loss are a part of life, and it's true that time will help to take the knife's edge from your pain, until you still feel it but it changes slowly into more of an ache. Writing about your memories could feel good, you could even write "letters" to your dad if there are things you'd like to still say to him. If anyone, anywhere, gives you advice with the word "SHOULD" in it, run don't walk from them. . . like "you should feel better by now." There's no "should" in the grief process; it will take how long it takes. I wish you well and hope the days ahead bring more reasons to smile.

 
Old 02-01-2006, 03:53 PM   #4
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Re: Why can't I cry?

Kali, I just read your post again, and noticed it's only less than 2 weeks since your loss. An important thing to keep in mind with such a recent loss is to take care of YOU. Try to eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep. You've been through a very difficult experience and your body may be in something almost like shock. I wish you well, and hope you post again as time goes on.

 
Old 02-01-2006, 08:44 PM   #5
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Re: Why can't I cry?

Hi Kali...sounds like we're in the same boat. I lost my dad January 17th of this year and I'm only 28. Don't feel bad if you can't cry. I couldn't really at first because I was so in shock. It wasn't until I was alone with my thoughts that the tears really came. I just don't want you to feel guilty for not crying. It's not like you care about your dad any less. Part of it is probably denial. The physical reaction part I guess is normal. I couldn't eat for days and still feel sick to my stomach. People keep saying to give it time, but isn't that all we have??? I guess I don't have great advice because I'm feeling the same empty hole that now takes up the place where my heart and stomach used to be. Just hang in there and know that you're not alone.

 
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