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My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

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Old 03-07-2006, 11:55 AM   #1
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Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

I have been on healthboards for some time now. They have been a wonderful resource. I have a long thread on the "Death and Dying" board about my son. He passed away 7 months ago and his struggle with cancer and our initial feelings of grief at his loss are posted there. There is another thread here on the grief and loss board with the same title as this one--I think if you click on my name you can find earlier posts here.

Just want to thank everyone who still stops by, even though not many are leaving messages. That's okay. Life goes on. Our hearts are still broken--I guess things will never be as good as they were when our family was whole--not until we get to the place where Jesus is and He wipes all our tears away. At least I have the hope that Jason is there in His presence today, completely healthy, completely loved and never lonely, always in the light. I wonder what Jason is doing in heaven today.

Ruth 6:11
Thank you so much for your message and for stopping by here to check on us. I think that the idea of a book called "Jason and the Tall Trees" sounds wonderful. I wish that I had the talent to write it. Jason could have--he had such a gift. He was so talented as a writer and storyteller. He could actually draw a picture in your mind with words. The class on the Beatitudes is over now--just one review session this week and then we are moving on to a study of Revelation. We only spent a week on the part "blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted," and even that was very brief. I guess I really need to dwell there longer on my own, praying for God's comfort in my life. Well I know that time doesn't make the pain go away--as I remember my little brother who died at the age of 15. We were so close--only 18 months apart in age. I was 16 when he died. There is so much sadness in remembering his life that was shortened by a car accident. It has been 34 years since then and it still hurts. Some callous people told my parents to just forget him and go on with their lives, but forgetting is the very thing we can't do. Even if the pain seems unbearable, I would never want to forget my Jason. I do dwell less on that last dreadful day when he slipped away from us, but even memories of the happy times are sad now when I look back.

The weather here in Tennessee continues to warm up as the official day of the beginning of spring nears. Daffodils and crocus are in bloom everywhere and the bradford pears are putting out their blossoms. I always think that they look like clouds of white--just beautiful. Some days it has even gotten as high as the upper 60's, but the nights are still pretty cold. Jenny's soccer practices started last week, so every Tuesday and Friday nights that's where I'll be for an hour. Perhaps I can start walking and walk some of my excess weight off. Drakes Creek Park, is really a lovely place to walk and the paved trail around the huge soccer fields is over a mile long.

Last week, senior superlatives were announced at the tutorial. If I heard correctly, Justin was voted Mr. H-C-A, Best Hair and Worst Driver. Privately he told me that he disagreed with the worst driver part, but was at a loss to tell us who has a worse record. Our insurance is substantially more because of the wreck he had - backing his dad's car into Trevor's truck and the tickets he has gotten, but that really has been a while and I think that he is a better driver than he used to be. Hope our insurance doesn't pay attention to such things. (I know they don't.) He was supposed to have his senior page for the annual ready to turn in last week, but we had not gotten his senior picture taken yet. So his senior picture was taken last Thursday and I should have the pictures back today, so we can finish his page.

On Thursday, Joshua and Jenny both have drawings entered in the art contest at their school, but it turns out there are so many entries that it is no longer a contest. I guess it has become more of an art display.

We are thinking of going to East Tennessee when the kids have spring break. David's dad has been pretty sick and has had several emergency room visits in the last months (he had to go to the emergency room again last week with chest pain) and David hasn't been able to go up there all this time. I want to spend the whole week with my parents--of course, some time with David's parents, but I don't want to be a burden to them. A weekend never seems long enough to be up there for me, but David likes going for just a weekend. Justin is the same as his dad, so maybe they can drive up together. We will have to drive separate cars--that will be good (except for the expense-gas has sure gone up in price again) since David's parents sold their second car, David can have his own car there. I told David it would be nice to have Jason's stone placed while we are up there, if it hasn't been placed already. I need to call to find out if it can be done. My little brother's stone is leaning forward some so maybe the men could straighten it up some when they place Jason's.

Lately, I have been feeling such grief over the fact that we couldn't save Jason's life--that we all failed him. As his mother, I should have known something was wrong long before he was diagnosed. When we brought him home from the hospital after he was born--what was in our hearts was: protect this baby, keep him safe. What a responsibility. What a privilege. What a joy he was. Yet we didn't keep him safe, and we couldn't protect him from the one thing that would take his life and when the cancer was finally discovered, it was too late to save his life. Was I too preoccupied to notice what was happening to my strong son? Was I so worried about my hair falling out and thinning, wrinkles, and undesirable hair growing on my chin, that I didn't see that my son was so sick. Honestly, though, it came upon him so suddenly. When I look back now at the school formal pictures from early December 2003, his color is off--he is pale--something was wrong then. We thought it was just a cold that he hadn't gotten over. Just a few months earlier--in August or September of 2003, when he went on the school trip to Land Between the Lakes, he is the picture of health with Justin on his shoulders in the picture they took of the group just before they left for home. On that trip, he climbed high in tall pine trees, that had no low branches for 30 or 40 feet and he ran faster than all the other kids in the games they played. Yet by the middle of January 2004 he was deathly ill, even near death by February as the cancer had completely taken over his bone marrow. I loved him so. Along with my guilt over my inability to protect him and save his life, I realize that many children are diagnosed at stage 4 cancer so that we are not the only ones. Only later did we realize that his foot cramps were actually the tumor growing there. If Jason's cancer had made itself known sooner--if there had been a lump or anything to give us a clue. Other times I wonder--what if and imagine other scenarios where things might have been different. If only we had known that dogs can detect cancer and paid attention to Copper when he wouldn't leave Jason's foot alone in 2001--2 whole years before he was diagnosed. If only...we had not moved here and had lived close to the grandparents all these years. Did you know that grandparents can be totally relentless when they think something is wrong with their grandkids and grandparents notice things. Many a time when we lived there I had to take the kids to the doctor just to satisfy the grandparents' worries. They would keep on insisting that I take one of the kids to the doctor and sometimes they were right (and sometimes not). The grandparents might have noticed something was wrong with him. Then, sometimes I wonder, if we had never moved here...would this have even happened. After all 7 kids (I just learned of a new child) have been diagnosed with this cancer-5 of them in the last two years-in these two counties side by side/across the river, about 10 miles downwind of the busy international airport, here, near the capital of our state. Is there something about this location? After all, this is a rare childhood cancer with 250-350 children diagnosed per year here in America. It comes out to about 4 diagnosed per million children. When I said to Jason--you were so perfect--he said, "I was never perfect, mom. This cancer was always there waiting to grow." But I don't believe that it was always there. We just don't know what made those cells become cancerous. Just because they say that there is no known cause for most childhood cancers, doesn't mean that there isn't a cause--it just means that they don't know what it is now. So these kind of thoughts torture me.

My best friend tells me that these are Satan's lies and that I shouldn't dwell on these things. It makes me very sad when my mind goes to the place where I am thinking, "I am so sorry that we failed you, my sweet Jason."

Last night Justin and I were going through picture albums to try to choose pictures for his senior page. It made me sad to look at all those pictures: the happy times we had, Jason's smiling face, and be reminded again of all we have lost and how the cancer took him away bit by bit over those many months, it even took his memory of those happy times away from him--which makes me extremely sad that he couldn't remember the happy times. My friend says, "He remembers them all now." I wish that we knew more about what is happening in heaven. I wish that I knew what Jason is doing right now and that I could see him smiling there with Jesus.

When I read about the many other kids with cancer, it seems like cancer is taking away some of our very best kids.

Last edited by Prayingmom; 04-01-2006 at 08:45 AM. Reason: grammar

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Old 03-11-2006, 05:05 AM   #2
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Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

I went over to my mom's this Thursday.
There they were.
REALLY TALL towering trees swaying a bit in our hoosier wind.
I thought of Jason and smiled.
I shared the story of Jason & the Tall Trees with my mom, and Jason lived.
You are (always) in my prayers.

Old 03-18-2006, 08:39 PM   #3
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Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

Hi PrayingMom,
It has been a long time since I had the courage to come here. It has been two months since Chris passed and it is the worst thing ever to try to go on after the loss of a precious son to this monster killer cancer. Maybe some of the readers here know Chris and Jason had the same cancer. What you wrote in one of your posts-"A motherís love is a protective kind of love and yet when your child has cancer or some other dread diseaseóeven a motherís love canít protect and make them well again. I could only pray and hope as I watched Jason grow weaker and weaker. I felt helpless. And then he died and I felt like we all failed him." That is exactly how I feel. Like we all failed him and I am angry also mostly with God...and I know I should not say or even feel that way but I do! Chris, like Jason, was so loved and had so much to offer that it is so hard to understand. I hope there is a Heaven and that Chris is safe and happy there and at least he is out of pain, but my pain will never end until I die and if I end up in heaven with him, then I will be out of pain also.
At last count there were 5 kids in my area with Rhabdo. We are all downstream from a plant that made plutonium triggers for neuclear bombs or some darn thing. Who knows if it is related or not. I do not have the energy to deal with that. I barley have the energy to get out of bed everyday. One thing I am really glad Chris wanted and we did---he wanted to be creamated and have his ashes here at home with us, so I can hold and rock him whenever I want. It has been a great comfort at times and hard at others but mostly I am glad he is here. I wish for you strength and peace and know I think of you and sweet Jason often. Take care of yourself.


Old 03-20-2006, 11:15 PM   #4
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Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

I got a coupon in the mail for $25 free merchandice at store where I bought Jason all those vitamins and supplements. They say I spent $505 last year for the supplements, so they sent the coupon. So I went down there to get some kind of digestive enzyme for David that his doctor had recommended. When I was ready to pay, I told the lady at the cash register why I had spent so much -- that it was all for Jason and that he had died on his dad's 50th birthday on 8/25. She said that her husband had died of cancer the year before on 8/24. We talked about how much it hurt to lose them. I didn't intend to, but we were both crying as I walked out the door.

His headstone is ready, but it hasn't been placed yet. My aunt saw it. She said it is beautiful. The morning after she saw it, she woke up crying, just thinking about what happened to Jason. You couldn't help but love him. He was such a sweet and kind person. Jason's death has broken a lot of hearts.

Old 04-01-2006, 10:08 AM   #5
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Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

Hi Everyone,

Sorry it has been so very long since I left a message here. We have been busy with science fair, talent show, achievement night with kindergarden, and sixth grade graduation, springbreak and my constant research into the cancer that took Jason's life. Thank you for stopping by and thinking of us and for your many prayers.

We went up to East Tennesee to visit grandparents during spring break. The children would have loved a more exciting trip to the beach or somewhere, but with our aging parents, especially David's dad with his health problems, we just had to go there. David's dad looks good, better than he has in months. I took my mom to have an MRI of her head. She has had a headache and a very stiff neck for months--the neck and headache may be related. It will be the middle of April before she hears anything about it.

At my mom's, at the base of the mountains, we had snow off and on all week--including on the first day of spring. By the end of the week there was 4 inches on the ground. We didn't come prepared for snow. Only Josh got out and played in the snow. Jenny and Justin just stayed inside. By now all of TN has warmed up again and I am sure that the snow has melted. David's mom wanted me to bring pictures of Jason during the 18 months of his illness. It was a hard thing to do--going back through all the pictures picking out all the ones of Jason with cancer where he is completely bald from chemo, or just feeling tired and yucky, pictures of him laughing with friends, but no hair. He tried so hard to just live, to not worry any of us. Pictures of him at the beach, just after he was told of his first relapse and that there was no hope for him. He is looking sad and thoughtful in those. The last pictures taken with his grandparents just 3 days before he went into a coma. In all the pictures we know that he had cancer--and now we know that he was dying a little by little day by day. That the cancer was taking him away. There is one picture of him in his casket. I cried a lot as I chose the pictures. I had copies made of all the pictures and put them in photo albums for each of the grandmothers. I cried a lot as I made the albums. My mother-in-law sent me a thank you card telling me how much it meant to her to have the album. It is very easy to just sit and look at those pictures and cry.

While we were in East TN we did go to the monument place to see Jason's stone. The picture engraved in it is ready--a boy on the beach looking out toward the setting sun with a seagull flying. The words have not been engraved yet, but he has plenty of time to do that. It will have to be dry for a while before they can take it up to the cemetery where he is buried. There is no gravel where they will have to drive--just grass. It is at the top of a big hill, overlooking my grandmother's old house. We have to cross a mountain to get to Jason's grave from my mom's and the weather was too bad for us to go over there on this trip.

Remembering what Jason had to endure and how bravely he faced it all makes me very sad now and I will always miss him. Some days are worse than others. Many who see me now, that don't know Jason's story, wouldn't suspect that my heart is permanently broken. Those who do know, probably think that I am doing well, but even they can't see the pain I feel always.

The week that Jason died our brand new Huge Walmart opened. In my strange new world without Jason, I went to Walmart several days later. The old employees who had known about Jason were nowhere in sight. They had been so sympathetic and caring. Still 7 months after his passing I haven't seen many of those employees and few that I do see don't take the time to even ask about him. I went to Krogers grocery shopping this week. A lot of the employees there also knew about Jason. I had not seen them in a while. Several of the ladies (the ones who knew) said "Hi! How are you doing?" and reached out and hugged me. I could see that they cared. It meant a lot to me.

I have been hearing from a lot parents of newly diagnosed patients lately--and from some who have also suffered the same loss as we have. All these children who have been affected by rhabdomyosarcoma. It truly is overwhelming to think how many precious lives this awful cancer is taking. About 350 are diagnosed with this cancer in the USA each year. It something like 4-7 out of a million kids. It is the most common soft tissue sarcoma in children and the 6th most common childhood cancer. All those figures don't mean so much to you until your child is affected. I think that the cure rate is possibly 80% if it is diagnosed early, but I am wondering: How many times is it not diagnosed early? Alveolar rhabdomyosarcoma (which is what Jason had)predominates in an older age group (10 to 25 years) and occurs more frequently in the extremities. The prognosis is worse than for the embryonal variety. In one report, 92% of patients had died from widespread metastasis within the first four years after diagnosis. Progress is being made. Prior to cooperative research, only about 25% of all children with rhabdomyosarcoma survived. Today the survival rate is approximately 70% for children with rhabdomyosarcoma. It is just that the survival rate remains dismal for those diagnosed at Stage 4 and even at stage 3. Many the the kids are just like Jason and the cancer is already at stage 4 and there has been no warning. So your child is healthy and strong one day and then it seems like overnight he is gravely ill. There is one little girl, only 4 years old who will soon have a partial amputation of her foot. She was only at stage 1 or 2 so the cancer has not spread (we all hope). What a hard decision for her mom. One of the mom's of a little girl just diagnosed with rhabdo wonders why there isn't a plan for doing regular annual pediatric cancer screenings. What tests would it involve? There are so many different types of pediatric cancer. I don't know how a pediatric cancer screening would be done. Did you know that 1 out of every 330 children in American will be diagnosed with some type of cancer by the age of 20. Every day in America an average of 46 children are diagnosed with some type of cancer.

Just like that little girl, the surgeon Jason saw recommended partial amputation, since his primary tumor was in his foot. Jason was completely ready to go through with surgery, but at stage 4 the cancer had spread throughout his bone marrow. At the tumor board the other doctors said radiation would be best. In his foot, the tumor was very deep between the toe bones. Part of his little toe was in the radiation field. Toward the end of radiation his foot was so burned and blistered that he had to be in a wheelchair. During radiation, Actinomycin of VAC chemotherapy had to be left out because it causes radiation recall. A surgery for him would have involved removing 2 toes and possibly a third of his foot. This would have been considered a limb-sparing operation, since it would have left him with a functioning foot. If removing Jason's leg would have saved his life, it would have been worth it. People can learn to live without a limb. People told me all through Jason's treatment--once you make your decision--just go on from there and don't look back. It is good advice, though I tend myself to wonder over and over, if we had chosen other options would it have made a difference for Jason. I really think that his cancer had just spread too much. The main thing that would have made a difference for him would have been much, much earlier detection. Nothing can change that--we had practically no warning--no lumps, no real pain--only cramps in his foot and a dog that wouldn't leave the very area that was radiated alone--in the summer of 2001, 18 months before he was diagnosed on 2/6/04.

I just have to accept what has happened. "What was lost cannot be regained." I repeat that phrase many times. I don't really know if it is an actual quote or not, but it is the reality of our lives. The life we had with a family of six, we will never have on this earth again. Even if, by some miracle, we were blessed with another child, through adoption (I do so wish that I were young enough to have another baby)--no other child could ever take Jason's place. Each child is unique and so special. I must say that I know that God is in control. I know that He loves us so much that He sent His only begotten Son into this world to live a perfect life and die in our place. Jesus rose again. We do have the hope of heaven. One day our family will be together again. It is not God's fault that this happened to Jason. God did not create sin and death. Jason himself did not want me to be bitter. He said, "It's okay if I die now, Mom. It will just mean that I am in heaven a few years before you." I just miss him-his laughter, his smile, his voice, his sparkling blue eyes, everything about him-I miss.

Thank you for all your prayers. God bless each of you.

Old 04-01-2006, 11:36 AM   #6
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Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

I am standing on the shore as a great ship gently glides from the harbor and sails toward the horizon. He is beautiful. Sails billowing; and shining bright as sunlight sparkling on distant waters. He grows smaller and smaller until at last, his white sails shine as ribbons out where the sky and water mingle as one.

And as I watch, a voice behind me says, "Well, he's gone." He's gone. Gone? "No," I tell myself. No, he is not really gone. Not really. He is gone only in the sense that I can no longer see him.

In reality, he is the same as ever; just as beautiful; just as shining. And deep in my heart I know, that on another shore someone is crying out, "Look! Look everyone! Here he comes!"

Old 04-06-2006, 06:48 PM   #7
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Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

Hello, i just read your story and i'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine the pain you must feel but know your son is in paradise now. I almost lost my son when he was 9 months old due to a sudden intestinal problem. I remember the fear that consumed me because he was my child. I just wanted you to know that i'm thinking of you and praying for you.

Old 04-19-2006, 02:05 AM   #8
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Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

Easter has come and gone. It is because of what happened on the very first Easter that we have hope of eternal life. For that I am so thankful. Yet with another holiday passing without Jason with us, I felt so sad.

I remember Jason's first Easter in 1986. David had the video camera out and Jason was in a contraption called a johnny jump up that attached to the doorframe. We put him in it and he was suspended in this device with a strong spring at the top. He was only 4 months old, but already his legs were so strong. He loved bouncing in it. He was happy and smiling. At one point David pointed the camera at the Easter egg that Mimi (David's mom) had made for Jason that said "Happy Easter" and at times David focused on his little feet. The same little foot where many years later a cancerous tumor would grow that would take over and take him away from us. Who would have ever dreamed this would happen. My life just doesn't seem real.

I remember another Easter when little Justin was perhaps 2 1/2 years old and Jason would have been 4 1/2. David hid the eggs. They were real eggs that had been dyed. Then he told the boys they could start their Easter egg hunt. Jason was finding so many, and little Justin couldn't and was upset, saying, "Daddy, Jason's getting all the eggs," but David helped him find some. Justin would just drop them in the basket in we could hear them go crunch and it just seemed so funny, because he didn't realize he was breaking the eggs.

There was another Easter, Joshua's first, when I found an adorable little one-piece outfit for Josh that had a blue striped vest and blue pants. I made blue striped vests and blue pants for Jason and Justin. The boys were 5 1/2, 3 1/2, and 6 months. I had their pictures made together. Those pictures are some of my favorites. Dressing in blue made their blue eyes look so blue.

The Easter when Jenny was born, all three boys had suits. It was very seldom that I was able to get them to wear suits, but that Easter they did. They all had navy blue suits. David lined them up on the sidewalk before church on that bright sunny day with my tall Jason in the middle and took their picture. I like that one, too. It was just the boys. Jenny wasn't in it.

________________________________________ ____________________

My sour cherry trees are covered in blooms this year. We planted them about 3 years ago, before we knew that Jason was sick. They have never had many blooms before and the birds got the few cherries on the trees last year. David was worried the trees wouldn't bloom, but it is good that they bloom late. That way the fruit hopefully won't be killed by a frost. I need to get netting to cover them so the birds won't get all the cherries. The cherry trees blooming reminded me of a time when Jason was only 18 months old and it really made me cry--just remembering a fun, happy time with Jason with him so alive and healthy and remember all that he suffered and that he is gone from us now. Jason and I were down at my parent's house. My dad had two or three big sour cherries trees in his yard and the cherries were ripe. He had been picking them and had left his ladder out in the yard between two cherry trees which were planted close together. I think that mom and I were busy pitting cherries. A tedious job. She was either canning or freezing the cherries. My dad may have been helping us pit the cherries. The cherry pitter they had bought, unfortunately didn't work, so we had to pit them one by one. We looked out the kitchen window and gasped when we saw that little Jason had climbed up the ladder and was near the top of it picking cherries and eating them whole--pit and all. He obviously loved them, but we were terrified when we saw that he was so high on the ladder that a fall could hurt him badly. We never suspected that he would even be able to climb the ladder. We went rushing out and quickly got him off the ladder. I guess he was always a climber and adventurer at heart. You know, later, he loved to climb all those tall trees, and he did it so easily. Seeing my cherry trees blooming--so very full of bloom--that we actually may get a few cherries this year--made me wish that Jason could be here to taste the fruit. Mom and dad moved away from the house where the cherry trees bloomed the year Jason was ten and Jenny was a newborn. They haven't been able to grow cherry trees at their new house because there are so many deer there that the deer always eat new fruit trees that are planted. Jason would have enjoyed the cherries.

Easter Sunday was emotional for me. Several of Jason's friends were in. It was very good to see them, sitting together either with their families or as a group. It was sad because we were only 5 now, without Jason. Oh, I refrained from crying. I did okay. I forgot to order Easter lilies in memory of Jason. I meant to.

On Monday, I took Justin's graduation picture up to the church so that it will be in the bulletin for senior recognition day in a few weeks. I also signed him up for the senior dinner with our pastor and a special meeting on how not to look like a freshman to get them ready for college. I was talking with the secretary for the high school ministry and just the memories of what happened to Jason the year he was a senior--two years ago--made me cry as I talked to her. And I was thinking, what is it about holidays that makes us sadder. I think that it must be that there are so many specific memories we have of these special days--all the pictures and videos and also that these are times of families getting together and our family really can't be together like that anymore--that make us so sad. Holidays are definitely harder.

Of course, we miss our dear son every single day. Sorry that I haven't been here in such a long time to leave a message. I feel like his story is such old news now for everybody here. There are new ones that need comfort and I don't feel like I can do that right now and my Jason is gone. He is just gone and we can't have him back and our lives will never be the same.

God's blessing to you and your family. Please treasure those you love. We never know what tomorrow holds.

Old 04-20-2006, 11:36 AM   #9
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Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

As I sat in Jason's room this morning, looking at the bed where he died and thinking how we spent a $1000 on the mattress, just for him--to help his back, where the cancer had spread, I cried. An old riddle came to mind. It is the Riddle of the Sphinx and it goes like this:

What goes on four feet,
on two feet, and three,
but the more feet
it goes on, the weaker
it will be?

There are different variations on the riddle, but the answer is:
Who crawls first,
Then walks on two feet
And finally in his old age
He uses a cane.

Even the riddle makes me sad. Generally, the riddle is true. We start out weak and helpless as tiny babies needing constant care. We grow strong and independent in adulthood, but as we reach old age we once again become weaker and more helpless, until we may reach that helpless state once again. We know that our aging relatives (parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles) can't live forever. It is sad to lose those we love no matter what age they are, but it is even sadder when they are young and it seems so out of order. Losing a child to a terminal illness is heartbreaking.

Week by week, month by month, over a period of 18 months my dear son slowly died. Despite all the efforts of modern medicine, chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery, and all our prayers, we were totally helpless to save his life. So on August 25, 2005, his dad's 50th birthday, Jason (only 19 years old) lay in his bed unable to talk to us, unconscious for 48 hours. Helpless he lay. Helpless we watched. And then he breathed his last breath on this earth and died.

My world will never be the same.

Children shouldn't die of cancer.

Each year more than 12,500 children in America are diagnosed with cancer. Only 12,500 children--out of the millions of children in America so it is rare, but still, it is the number one disease killer of children in America and very, very little money is given for childhood cancer research by the government or any major fundraising organizations. Relay for Life fundraising does a good job of raising money, and they often have childhood cancer patients as honorary chairpersons in campaigns, but less than 1% of the money they raise goes to childhood cancer. How I wish there were a cure. Unless more research is done the numbers won't improve and research takes money. Most research dollars given for cancer go to research on the big 5 adult cancers: breast, colon, prostate, bladder, and lung. Certainly more people are diagnosed with these cancers than the number of children that are diagnosed. Research into the adult cancers is very important--surely. But cancer often strikes in old age. Usually prostate cancer is in men older than 60. These young ones, babies, toddlers, school age children and teens deserve to live.

Last edited by Prayingmom; 04-20-2006 at 01:22 PM.

Old 04-21-2006, 11:51 AM   #10
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Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. You are so right no child should ever have to die from cancer. I will pray for you and your family.

Old 04-23-2006, 09:12 AM   #11
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Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

Prayingmom I have been reading your story over the last few months.I would just like to say how so sorry Iam that your so loving young son was taken from you, I have three children one girl age 22 and two boys age 15 and 4 and could not bare to think of life without them.I just lost my dear mum 9 weeks ago and this is hard its like part of me has gone with her,I miss her so much my heart hurts like mad.Ijust wanted to say that my heart goes out to you ..... takecare Mandy

Last edited by MAD MAZ; 04-23-2006 at 09:30 AM.

Old 04-29-2006, 04:44 AM   #12
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: TN
Posts: 159
Prayingmom HB User
Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

Two more young men passed away from this cancer-rhabdomyosarcoma-this month. One of them lived southwest of us, perhaps an hour or hour and a half away. He would have been 5 on May 21. He passed away on April 22. He was diagnosed in Feb 2005. The other boy, Eric, was 18. He passed away last night on his 11 year old brother's birthday. He was diagnosed in April 2004, 2 months after Jason was. It made me cry to read that they were gone.

I know the tremendous loss their family and friends are experiencing right now. The incomprehensibility of it. How can this be our lives? How he be gone? Why? It is so hard to watch a healthy child suddenly become sick, and then be told it that it is cancer--a rare childhood cancer, Stage 4, and the doctors won't even talk about statistics because the statistics are so bad for this cancer at Stage 4 - rhabdomyosarcoma. Then, you must give approval so that doctors can administer chemotherapy--so poison that if a drop is spilled on the floor, towels are thrown on it and it is treated as hazardous waste. Then you must watch as the poison drips into your child's veins, making them nauseous and their hair falls out, and you pray so hard for earthly healing. But for most earthly healing doesn't come, the cancer spreads and sometimes there is surgery--cutting pieces of your child away, hoping to cut out the cancer. And then there is more chemotherapy. So few drugs work, and soon there are no more options and you must watch your precious child die. Helpless to stop what all the doctors said was inevitable. When they are gone, we say at least they aren't suffering anymore, and they are in a better place where they are healed--true statements--and we do have our memories, but we, who loved them also have broken hearts that will really never stop missing them as long as we live.

These families whose sons are now in heaven are in my thoughts and prayers.

Old 04-29-2006, 10:15 AM   #13
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 328
spider37 HB User
Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

i am so sorry for your loss i wish i could take your pain away in some small way i haven't had a child die but have had 2 sibling's die of cancer one when i was 19 and the other when i was 32 i know your's is a different kind of pain but i feel for you in so many way's again i am sorry no one should have to go through this

Old 05-03-2006, 02:41 PM   #14
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 452
happyelf HB User
Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

Pam--I just wanted you to know I still think of Jason, you and your family and pray for your daily. It breaks my heart to hear of the other children and young adults suffering (and passing) from rhabdo. The losses still keep coming. Jason's story has made many people aware of this horrible type of cancer and it's warning signs. Knowledge is power. Please remember to take some mom time for you--your family needs you. Gina

Old 05-13-2006, 01:12 AM   #15
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 50
nonu HB User
Re: My son died of cancer 8/25/05-We miss him so...

Dear praying mom, I do read all your messages and you know why just because your hands write my words. As I read them I feel as if thats all what I want to say, shout, scream.
On 9th July it will be one year but it seems as if it happened few minutes ago. I am still in a state of confusion How can it be?? why?? when??
with love

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