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Old 05-15-2006, 08:54 PM   #1
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serinity HB User
Missing My Mother

I miss my mom so much,it has been almost 3 months now and I miss her more than ever.The realization that I no longer have her here with me is so hard to bear.She took care of me from day one, and in the end I took care of her.I was there until she took her last breath,that was the hardest thing I ever had to do was watch her leave me.I just want her back.Yeah,I know she is in a better place and no longer suffering with cancer,but why would such a wonderful,unselfish,kind,and gentle person as my mother have to be stricken with this uncurable disease called cancer?I just dont understand.She didnt want to die.When the doctor told us she only had a couple of weeks left after fighting this for 15 months with everything she had it still didnt seem real.My mom told me on the way home that day that she didnt want to die,we cried and cried,and talked about everything.She just wanted me to be ok,so the next few weeks I had to be-for her.Then after she passed I had to be strong for my children who were very close to her.
Well I cant be strong anymore, the tears wont stop.It hurts so bad to know I will never hear her sweet voice again.I know I have wonderful memories of her,but a memory cant take the place of our morning hugs and our wonderful days together.There is nothing like a hug from your mother and I know I will never have that again.Thanks for letting me get this out.

 
Old 05-15-2006, 09:26 PM   #2
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Re: Missing My Mother

Serinity, I'm on right now, I just wanted to post this in case you wanted to keep talking, I'm here for a bit...I'm going to finish posting to your original question now.
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Old 05-15-2006, 09:31 PM   #3
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Re: Missing My Mother

Oh sweetpea, my heart aches for you. I wish I had words that would make you hurt less...life isn't that kind. I can understand what you're going through though. My mom died in august 05 and I'm losing a lady who is like a second mom to me as we speak, also to cancer.

She has non-hodgkins lymphoma and is the sweetest thing to walk to face of the earth. And she has a laugh that you couldn't forget if you tried!

You need some place to express how you feel and it's okay to break down and cry in front of your children, all of you are trying to be strong for each other when each and every one of you is full of tears.

I truly think that what is meant by being strong, isn't holding back the tears, it's being able to function through the tears and let them know that life is going to be all right.

How old are you? Your children? How old was your mom? Is your dad still around? Do you have any kind of support system??

I'm going to go finish cooking my squash and then I'll be back in to check on you. Hugs...........Angel
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Old 05-15-2006, 10:01 PM   #4
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Re: Missing My Mother

Angel
Thank you for your reply.To answer your question my mother was 60.My mom and dad had been married for 20 years .Then in 1991 the day after Thanksgiving my dad was kiled in a terrible automobile accident.My mom had a horrible time dealing with that so I moved in with her and I was expecting my first child.I was a child myself.I was 18.When my daughter was born ,my mom started feeling better.They bonded instantly.She took up so much time with my daughter,and loved every minute of it.Time went on and I had the greatest husband in the world and we wanted more children so we had 2 more.Mom was there through each pregnancy and each delivery.These beautiful children of mine become her life.They loved her so much.But my mother always had this emptiness without dad.She never remarried.In August of 04 we got the news of small cell cancer.Devastating, but she was so positive she fought it with all she had and she did it for me and my kids.She never let it get her down.She always said "Think positive Punkin" and I did up until she was gone.I am now 32 my kids are 4,10, and 14.

 
Old 05-15-2006, 10:10 PM   #5
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Re: Missing My Mother

serinity, don't go to sleep yet, I just finish burning my squash and am going to post some more....
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Old 05-15-2006, 10:14 PM   #6
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Re: Missing My Mother

serinity, honey, we have too much in common. On April 15, 1981, my dad died in an auto accident, just after I turned 4. I was 17 when I had my first son and my son too was my mom's world....although her and I rarely saw eye to eye....

My mom was also forever changed after my dad died.

My second mom always referred to me as her china doll...fragile and supre white! LOL My children are 11 and 4, both boys, I am 29, my husband is 31 and we've been married almost 12 years now.

You can still think positive...just know that it's harder for those of us here.

I'm going to keep my postings short so that we can make it go back and forth a bit, maybe it'll be more help....talk to you soon....I wish we were allowed to share e-mails, I would love to be able to help more...........Angel
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Old 05-15-2006, 10:16 PM   #7
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Re: Missing My Mother

p.s....have you read any of the recent posts that I've written, you can search Angel77 and it will pull them up...there's a lot about my history, a lot on grief and just lots of stuff in general....
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Old 05-15-2006, 10:27 PM   #8
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Re: Missing My Mother

It's also amazing that you call your mom your sunshine..that's what I call my second mom...in fact, when she was hospitalized for the porta-cath....I took her up a framed copy of the words to you are my sunshine.....I've been humming it to myself since reading your post...it's sweet and sad and the same time.
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Old 05-15-2006, 10:29 PM   #9
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Re: Missing My Mother

I read one of your posts and I feel like you. I feel like an orphan even though I am 32.It is awful not to have a mom or dad.It sucks,but somehow,someway life will go on, and I know mom would want me too.My 4 year old had preschool graduation last week and as we were leaving she stopped and said"Mommy,Look there is an angel" I said where because I didnt see anything,she said right ther mommy its grandma , she flew over to watch me.I couldnt hold back the tears then.I know that was mom there with us.

 
Old 05-15-2006, 10:40 PM   #10
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Re: Missing My Mother

I was her age when my dad died, and from what my mom said, I saw him often and talked to him...I wish I could remember.

Believe her when she says she sees the angels, kids are such a precious gift.

I wish I could give ya a giant hug and a lifetime supply of chocolate and/or ice cream, but this will have to do.....

How's your support system at home?
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Old 05-15-2006, 10:42 PM   #11
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Re: Missing My Mother

p.s....my mom was 46, my dad was 27, my bro was 20 and sis was 6
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Old 05-15-2006, 10:44 PM   #12
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Re: Missing My Mother

Angel
You are my sunshine is what I sang to my mother as she passed away,she always sung it to me.I believe we were each others ray of light.

 
Old 05-15-2006, 10:44 PM   #13
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Re: Missing My Mother

You are soooo right.
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Old 05-15-2006, 10:55 PM   #14
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Re: Missing My Mother

I truly believe that she saw an angel.Weird things have happened like the night before my mom passed my 4 year old knew.She had a dream about her papa(my husbands father who passed away on Feb.16)She woke up that morning and told me papa was at grandmas house and he told her grandma was ok and he was going to take her home.

 
Old 05-15-2006, 10:59 PM   #15
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Re: Missing My Mother

Isn't that amazing??? My aunt knew my dad had died because in a dream (she was napping shortly after he died, but before anyone knew) that he walked into her house, up her hallway and into her bedroom...he looked at the pictures on the walls, touched them and then turned around and walked out without ever saying a word....she knew he was gone.

I have a friend who is a hospice worker and she said that most people have someone they know come for them. In fact, my aunt who died of breast cancer (the same one who saw my dad) said she knew it wasn't time yet, because Brian (my dad) had not come for her yet.

Is it helping to have someone to talk to right now....or is it just keeping you up later than need be? I am here if you need me, but also, if you're exhausted, you won't hurt my feelings if you're wanting to stop the back and forth!
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