april 30, 2006 ,the unimaginable happened, my husband passed away, unexpectedly, he was only 44 years old, the pain i am experienceing is unbearable, i cry every day and every night, i almost can imagine myself waking up and finding it all to be just a bad dream, my family have been great , but no one has a clue to the heartache of losing your husband without warning, the one person you were to grow old with, and had so so many plans for our future, ended on april 30,2006, i will never be the same, today my husband would have turned 45 years old, i went out and got him his favorite cake, happy birthday to my love, my husband, i miss him deeply.
I was scrolling through here because I just lost a person very dear to me 4 days ago. I could not help but be drawn to your thread. I want to say that I am so very sorry about your husband. I know you are hurting and there is nothing I can say to make it better, but I want to let you know that we are all here for support anytime you need us! I know it must be devastating especially because it was unexpected. It will be hard for a while, but the sun will shine again in your life. Give yourself time to grieve and take care of you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and please post and let us all know how you're doing.
I read your thread, and sadly know how you feel. I lost my husband very suddenly in an accident 3 years ago, he was 35 and the absolute love of my life, I never got to say goodbye or thank him for the wonderful years with him. You cant make the pain go away, its just something you will learn to live with. The crying will stop eventually but dont make it, it will stop itself. I remember there were days when I found it so hard to even breath the pain was so bad, but I promise it will get easier. Your life will go on, and as much as you dont want it too right now, it keeps going. I miss my husband every day and I still cry or even laugh when I remember things he said or did. I dont how to make you feel better, because nothing ever worked for me, but do remember the wonderful love that was there, and the joy of having shared a part of your life with him. Dont know if this will help you but just know I never thought I'd survive life without him, but you do, not in the way you would have wanted but you still survive. Be strong.
Hi Sissypie, am not sure if your questions are directed at me, but am going to answer you anyway. Does the pain and grief become more mangeable, yea in a way it does, but I think it comes from being so used to it just being there. I dont break down crying anymore for no reason, I still cry but only on my own. Its very hard without him, and I know that if he knew half the thoughts in my head he would be horrified. Always felt that he could have coped better if it was the other way around. Life does go on and as much as you want it to stop and scream at people about what your going through, it doesnt work that way. It will get better but I know that right now you are in a place that people who havent gone through this dont understand. That physical ache just to touch him once more or hear his voice, that will become easier. I'm sorry if im speaking out of turn, and am sorry for what you have to go through.
Thank you for the input. It doesn't matter who replies...I just get some sense of reassurance that other people have been here in my place, and that things can get better. I guess I cling to all those messages of hope right now. I still can't see that happening yet...but it's just been 9 days.
I find comfort in hearing that other people have been here...and have managed to still exist in the world afterwards.
You will exist afterwards, your here now! You will even have a life of your own, its a strange one but its all yours. Just take each day as it comes. Eventually you will see that the bad days become further and further apart, and as hard as it is to believe you will even have good days. Just follow whats in your heart, if you dont feel like doing something dont do it. You need time to grieve and time to heal yourself, and that takes as long as it takes. I hope you find your peace.
I am so sorry for your loss. It is very a very difficult thing to deal with and it probably doesn't make sense to say "you can do it" (it didn't to me anyway) but you can do it and grieving takes as long as it takes. There is no right or wrong way to do it.
My husband was killed 4.5 years ago by a teen driver who was speeding and ran a stop sign. It has been difficult for me and our two kids, a 17 yos and 29 yod. I still miss him a lot and always will. Our daughter is married with kids and lives across the country and did when he was killed. Our son was only 13 and has become a wonderful 17.5 year old. His dad would be so very proud of him and he knows it.
I cried for months, daily and several times a day...I felt, not lost...but out of my element, if that makes sense. I suddenly had no idea what to do.
About 2 years after he was killed, I attended a 6 week grief session. I knew if I went sooner, it wouldn't help. It did help but I was the only one in the group who had lost a spouse in such a way..the others were chronic illness. I also have a large poster that friends made for the funeral with pictures and copies of awards that I have hung in the hallway.
When people would tell us "time heals all wounds"...our son, who was 13 at the time, would say.."it does not heal them, it just puts a scab over them that eventually turns into a scar that never goes away."
Some wonderful things happened the last few months he was alive that I, of course, was part of, but they took on a whole new meaning when he died. I am so incredibly lucky to have had such a wonderful man in my life...he was my one and only, my best buddy and my kids were so very lucky to have such a great dad.
My grieving was made much more difficult by my family who, within months, told me I need "to get over it" and got tired of hearing about my husband and by my inlaws who would not even talk about him for over 3 years. We have no relationship with my family and very limited with my inlaws.
Some advice to take or leave.....
Don't be too hard on yourself...don't expect to "get over" anything within some stated timeframe.
Sometimes people will say insensitive things, meaning to be sensitive. Forgive them and know they mean well but sometiems words just don't come out quite the way they are intended.
Don't let anyone tell you how to grive or how long to grieve.
Get therapy when you need it and talk when you need to. What you are going through will be harder, I think, if you try to keep too much to yourself. If your family doesn't want to listen, make new family from friends...or post on this board!
Make a good moment this day.
Hello! This is my first time posting, but when I read your posting couldn't help but register and post. I am so sorry for you loss! My husband was killed in a car accident in July of 1996. My daughter was 9 months old. Grief is a personal thing and I hope that you are able to remember and love your husband on your schedule. It has been over 10 years and there is never a day that goes by that I don't miss my husband. My daughter and I have a life that is very busy and complete, but he was undeniably a part of it so I will never forget him. Please just make sure that you always have someone to talk to if you need it at that time. I hope that you are either in a place or can come to a place where every day is a celebration of his life!
Hello, I just lost my husband April 22, 2007. Rodger was never sick, but he did have diabetes. He had massive heart attack, was in ICU for about 3 weeks, but his heart couldn't pump blood to his organs, and they started shutting down. I miss him so much, I don't know how to go on without him. We were together for 32 years. I not only lost my husband, but my home also. We had no insurance, and I am without job. Please pray for me. I really need prayer right now. I just want to be happy again, I am always sad.
Last edited by tcorley72159; 06-04-2007 at 03:41 PM.
tcorley, I will pray for you. My wife died last year in an accident. We were best friends. We had our lives planned out and in an instant my dreams were gone. I wanted the pain to go away so badly. I was so worn out from being so sad. I had no energy for anything but God has restored me. There is hope for you. It will get better if you want it to. Ask God to help you through.
As I read this post my grief intensifies. I hear so many stories about the joy and love you found in your marriage and the happy memories. My husband and I loved each other but he was bipolar/borderline personality without medication. We were separated when he passed a week ago. We could not live together because of his rage and violence so I carry so much guilt over having to turn him away when he needed me many times. I thought I was doing the right thing and he would get help for his rage. He never did so people tell me he chose his illness over me. I am just filled with so much pain and guilt for things that happened in our marriage. I try to remember good times but most occasions ended in his rage. I loved him no matter what he did but I could not live with him and now hes gone so there is no chance for him to get help but he is at least a peace now. I pray all of you find happiness again and that we can all go on.