My dad passed away on August 21, 2006 and I am still having a hard time dealing with it. He had CHF, quadruple by-pass, diabetes and several other health issues.
I have 3 brothers and 1 sister and we were all there by his side during his many stays in the hospitals and nursing homes and when we were able to bring him back to his own home. He was recovering extremely well from his heart surgery and was finally getting back to himself. He had came to my daughters birthday party on Sat. night and passed away on Sunday. We had all tried so hard to be with him because he had been so sick and we did not want his to pass away by himself, but in the end that is exactly how it happened, he passed away at home by himself, on my daughters birthday, and I just can't understand either of these things.
I am not real sure how to deal with the 1 year anniversary of my dads death and my daughter's 15th birthday, all in the same day. And I don't know how to help my daughter with this, when I don't know how to help myself.
If you have any suggestions I would certainly appreciate them.
Angry & Confused
I'm assuming you mean '05, my mom passed away August 24th of last year and it was on my oldest son's first day of school...so we're kind of dealing with the same thing with his first day of school approaching. It's supposed to be a happy day, new things, etc. and to top it off, he always went back-to-school shopping with his grandma.
I would suggest that you talk to your daughter and ask her what she wants to do. She may want this to remain her day only and ignore the pain, or she may want to share it and celebrate his life on her birthday. I can't say it will be easy, it rarely is. The only help I can offer is that she'll be watched over from the heavens by grandpa.
When my dad died (I was only 4) my entire family had a hard time adjusting. But they did something unique a few years ago, at one of my cousins birthdays, it was the same time as my dad's and they threw him a 40th birthday, we sang to him, blew out his candles and wished him a happy birthday. It felt good.
I hope this helps in at least some small way..............Angel
If you don't experience anything bad, you'll never appreciate the good when it comes around!!!
i am so sorry for your pain. my father also died on my son's birthday, but being a mother I let him think it was the day after so as not to ruin his birthday forever. That was almost 11 yrs ago. Recently my grandson was in a drowning accident and was on life support. We removed life support on my birthday but yet he held on until the next day.Ironically everyone said it was because he didn't want to ruin grandma ma's birthday forever. But more ironic than that the kid's chose his plot to be at the foot of my mothers and fathers and I was forced to tell my 16 yr old son the truth. His words to me will ring in my heart forever and may help you "Mom, that means me and grandpa have even more to share, he started a new life the same day as me!" We do not chose when to be born or when to die there are only so many days in a year and we never know what anniversaries await us. My sympathies and support to you and yours.
I am so sorry for your loss. I do have some experience with the death on a birthday. As my father died on my sisters daughter 8th birthday and when my mother died she died on my sons 8th birthday. Now if that isn't weird I don't know what is....But we were sad on both birthdays but you have to remember the one's who have passed wouldn't want you being sad on such a joyous celebration. We remember my parents on these days but as time has gone by we celebrate. Good luck and I hope I helped you some.
I am sorry for your loss. My father passed away on my brother in laws birthday on jul 20 2005. a week later he was cremated on my birthday. we didnt have a service at the request of my father so i forced myself to go to the local club with my then husband and have some lunch although i Barley touched what i ordered.
Last year although in relaity it was the second birthday without my dad it felt like it was the first. I definetly missed my dad and felt his death more than ever.
This year I have decided I will celebrate not only my birthday but my fathers life as well. give thatnks for not only being alive but thanks to the man who made it happen.
I am in a sence honored that he was cremated on my birthday as he had been in pain with emphyseema for years and I know he is no longer suffering.
Perhaps for your daughters 16th birthday you can celebrate her big day but at the same time celebrate the life of the man who put you here so that your daughter could be here and tell her how proud her grandfather would be of her.
I know there is a difference between your daughter being 14 when her granddad died and me being 29 however if they were close she may like this.
I feel for all of you! My heart goes out to you also.
Dewatube, I know how you feel when you said you didn't want your Dad to die alone! We didn't either and my Dad was in the Hospital and to tell you the truth I had stayed the night with my Dad and was up all night because he couldn't sleep because he had been on Diaylsis for 8 years and his lungs were filling up and his heart. I was suppose to go back that night, and I put my clothes on to go and something made me sat back down. I could not make my self go back. maybe it was God's way of telling me not to go back because I probably could not of stood it being there alone with him and seeing him die because I don't know if he struggled, the nurses said he didn't but I think they just tell you what you want to hear sometimes. But my Daddy knew I loved him, he knew I had been by his side through it all and I don't think my Daddy would of wanted me there to see it. I really don't and maybe thats why your Dad was alone. Maybe thats the way he wanted it to be.
My family has had similar situations Although it wasn't on the exact day, my son's grandmother (my ex mother-in-law), died during the week of his 15th birthday, and my daughter's grandmother (my mom), died during the week of her 10th birthday. Both were sudden and unexpected. Since it didn't happen on the exact day, it's less traumatic, but still will be remembered every year.
Also, we have had numerous times that family members have died within 24 hours of each other - one being ill, and the other being unexpected. This kind of creeps us out whenever someone dies, because we think someone else will die soon, also. My mom's sister died in July 06 and my mother died in August of 06 -My Aunt was ill for many years, and my mom was only sick a week or so - it was a difficult summer for all of us.