Senior Member (female)
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Vermont, USA
Help...I feel like I'm drowning....
I just found you all....here....
I've got situations I dont' know how to handle, or what to do....I need opinions, I need some direction.
I've got the following....
1) A severely depressed sister, who lost her son 8 years ago and her husband 26 years ago, who is on anti-depressants without any type of therapy. SHe is on the verge of a break down.
2) A severely depressed sister in law, who was abused as a child and was in a very abusive relationship, which ended tragically when her fiance died, he drowned and the body was never found (unfortunately, it ended a relationship that was violent, he almost killed her 2 weeks prior to the drowning)
3)A severely depressed nephew, who does nothing is 28 and lives with his parents and is going to cause them to divorce and refuses help
4) A best friend currently in the hospital receiving ECT after many years of therapy several times a week, and every anti-depressant on the face of the earth.
I don't know how to help them...My friend, she's getting help right now, which I think is working.
My sister....she refuses anything and thinks because her husband and son died, she isn't worthy of living a normal life and should continue sitting and grieving, and not helping herself or doing anything for herself, though she'll tell you she needs help and she'll tell you "she's done everything possible"
My sister in law....she's home now, unable to work due to panic attacks, which are brought on by a feeling of no self worth and not being able to "live up to everyones expectations"...she never got over the drowning, and though she' since married a wonderful man, who is unbelievably supportive...she still thinks the other is coming back...and she is stressed beyond belief about money, and can't work, but can't stop spending (the husband too)...I'm watching her fall apart....
My nephew...he is 28, lives with his parents, got violent las tyear with is mother, was removed from the house, I took him with us hoping to talk to him and get him to see what is going on, he went back home, couldn't go back to the hosue due to a restraining order, was living in a hotel, getting help from the state, but though is mother was not supposed to see him, she saw him daily, gave him money, food, brought him out to eat, etc...and eventually after about a month..ended up back in the house, living in a room, on teh computer all of the time, and won't work, won't help around the house, won't do anything, and my sister doesn't see it....she'll agree it isn't right, but just doesn't do anything to get him help or get on with his life. He is going to cause a divorce between her and her husband, her husband is stressed to the point he's physically sick...works constantly, won't eat....etc...
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO....
How can I help?
How can I be supportive, but not encourage them all not getting help? Everytime I mention doing something, they say "you don't know, you haven't been here"....
I'm a very strong person....and they all say that, but on the other hand they all resent me for it...I was a mother at 17, married at 21, bought our home at 21, had a great job, which I left due to stress and am now self employed and doing well....kids are now almost 16 and other is 7..I do what i have to do and though I know I've been through my own bouts of depression, and gotten through them...I feel myself like I shouldn't suceed and I should fail and then maybe they will all respect me for tha (my best friend is the only one who takes my advise and lets me help).
I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to help???