Missin him sooooooooooo much! - Grief & Loss Message Board

soconnor · 11-08-2006, 09:15 AM

Hi,
I am new to this forum and not sure if I am in the right spot or even if this might help. I lost my 13 year old son August of last year. He went in on a Friday and by the following Wednesday evening we pulled his ventilator. I truthfully dont remember much of the months following .........I know talkin is a good thing but I am afraid to. I try so hard not to break down and lose it. I do have one more son who is older and seems to get very upset when ever I look at anything of his brothers or start cryin over it all. So needless to say I try very hard to hold things in. Well I came here hoping to find some advice on how to handle things a little. Or even if anyone knows how to handle things like this. Soemtimes I feel like I am just gonna lose it. The littlist things are setting me off. My life seems to have been in a whirlwind since Cam has been gone and nothing is the same.

susan kay · 11-08-2006, 04:35 PM

i i am so sorry for your loss of your child. losing a parent is hard enough i lost my mom suddley sept.28th. how do you get through it? i dont know and yes anything can be said and you will stqart to cry they tell me thays normal. i day at a time is all i can say and talking about it. its supposed to help beleive me the people at work here it every day almost. and use this foram it helps people listen and they can help you we all dont know each other from anybody but we are here to help each other get through it together. so write tell us what kind of day you are having how you are feeling how your other son is doing what ever you need to do we are here for each other. and we all say prayers for each other to make it through other day . hope i have helped some . write back o.k. we are here for you. susan kay

soconnor · 11-08-2006, 07:18 PM

Yes I suppose 1 day at a time but I guess my head tells me that and my heart cries more and more. I dont know how much more I can take.......I do really miss him. Everyday I miss him more and in different ways......does the ache ever go away????

kathryn+2 · 11-08-2006, 10:25 PM

May I suggest hospice counseling? I'm sure holding in your grief as to not upset your older son is very hard on you. With a Hospice counseler you can talk about your son and your grief and not have to be strong. After the loss of my dad ,mom ,and brother i found it to be very helpfull. I am so sorry for your loss. The loss of a child would be my worst nightmare. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

CryMaggie · 11-09-2006, 09:32 AM

That's not a thumbs up, it's a helping hand.
Please believe me, I know about losing sons. My eldest son died of a ruptured brain aneurysm on the day we had thought we would take him home. He was hit by a car in front of his high school. There is a period of 3-4 days that are completely gone from my memory. What I remember is that for literally months I moped around and didn't get dressed until about three in the afternoon so I'd have clothes on when the other kids got home from school. Recovery seemed to take forever.
Of course, I still think of him. His picture is on my wall with my other kids.
I believe what saved my sanity was being offered a job. The personnel man from my hubby's office called and asked me to fill in for a secretary that was on maternity leave. That job got me out of myself and on the road to recovery.
I recently buried my second son, my youngest child. His death was not sudden. He had not been expected to live until Thanksgiving of last year, but he made it to September 1st of this year - my wedding anniversary. My husband passed away in 1998. I have been on anti-depressants and am seeing a counselor. Clinical depression seems to run in my family, therefore the medication. Don, my younger boy, was gay and died of AIDS complicated by drug addiction. He hated his life because it was merely an existence. He was bed-ridden and in pain. He is now with his Dad and his big brother, and that is a good thing.
Truly, you should find a counselor. If you only see him or her a few times, their expertise can help you get on with life. I made a call this morning to volunteer at an adult day care facility. I like giving of myself, and yes, I again need something to take me out of myself.
You'll make it - it just takes time.
Cry Maggie