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Old 11-08-2006, 08:15 AM   #1
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soconnor HB User
Missin him sooooooooooo much!

Hi,
I am new to this forum and not sure if I am in the right spot or even if this might help. I lost my 13 year old son August of last year. He went in on a Friday and by the following Wednesday evening we pulled his ventilator. I truthfully dont remember much of the months following .........I know talkin is a good thing but I am afraid to. I try so hard not to break down and lose it. I do have one more son who is older and seems to get very upset when ever I look at anything of his brothers or start cryin over it all. So needless to say I try very hard to hold things in. Well I came here hoping to find some advice on how to handle things a little. Or even if anyone knows how to handle things like this. Soemtimes I feel like I am just gonna lose it. The littlist things are setting me off. My life seems to have been in a whirlwind since Cam has been gone and nothing is the same.

 
Old 11-08-2006, 03:35 PM   #2
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susan kay HB User
Re: Missin him sooooooooooo much!

i i am so sorry for your loss of your child. losing a parent is hard enough i lost my mom suddley sept.28th. how do you get through it? i dont know and yes anything can be said and you will stqart to cry they tell me thays normal. i day at a time is all i can say and talking about it. its supposed to help beleive me the people at work here it every day almost. and use this foram it helps people listen and they can help you we all dont know each other from anybody but we are here to help each other get through it together. so write tell us what kind of day you are having how you are feeling how your other son is doing what ever you need to do we are here for each other. and we all say prayers for each other to make it through other day . hope i have helped some . write back o.k. we are here for you. susan kay

 
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Old 11-08-2006, 06:18 PM   #3
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Re: Missin him sooooooooooo much!

Yes I suppose 1 day at a time but I guess my head tells me that and my heart cries more and more. I dont know how much more I can take.......I do really miss him. Everyday I miss him more and in different ways......does the ache ever go away????

 
Old 11-08-2006, 09:25 PM   #4
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Re: Missin him sooooooooooo much!

May I suggest hospice counseling? I'm sure holding in your grief as to not upset your older son is very hard on you. With a Hospice counseler you can talk about your son and your grief and not have to be strong. After the loss of my dad ,mom ,and brother i found it to be very helpfull. I am so sorry for your loss. The loss of a child would be my worst nightmare. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 
Old 11-09-2006, 08:32 AM   #5
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Thumbs up Re: Missin him sooooooooooo much!

That's not a thumbs up, it's a helping hand.
Please believe me, I know about losing sons. My eldest son died of a ruptured brain aneurysm on the day we had thought we would take him home. He was hit by a car in front of his high school. There is a period of 3-4 days that are completely gone from my memory. What I remember is that for literally months I moped around and didn't get dressed until about three in the afternoon so I'd have clothes on when the other kids got home from school. Recovery seemed to take forever.
Of course, I still think of him. His picture is on my wall with my other kids.
I believe what saved my sanity was being offered a job. The personnel man from my hubby's office called and asked me to fill in for a secretary that was on maternity leave. That job got me out of myself and on the road to recovery.
I recently buried my second son, my youngest child. His death was not sudden. He had not been expected to live until Thanksgiving of last year, but he made it to September 1st of this year - my wedding anniversary. My husband passed away in 1998. I have been on anti-depressants and am seeing a counselor. Clinical depression seems to run in my family, therefore the medication. Don, my younger boy, was gay and died of AIDS complicated by drug addiction. He hated his life because it was merely an existence. He was bed-ridden and in pain. He is now with his Dad and his big brother, and that is a good thing.
Truly, you should find a counselor. If you only see him or her a few times, their expertise can help you get on with life. I made a call this morning to volunteer at an adult day care facility. I like giving of myself, and yes, I again need something to take me out of myself.
You'll make it - it just takes time.
Cry Maggie

 
Old 11-09-2006, 04:55 PM   #6
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Re: Missin him sooooooooooo much!

hi kathryn+2 SUSAN KAY HERE HOW ARE YOU GETTING ALONG? I HAD A GOOD DAY TO DAY AT WORK seems to be getting easier day by day i still miss mom and dont like going in her room so i dont unless i just have to but but i havent cryed in a couple of days. my moms plants fromthe funeral are so pretty and green i have them on a circuler thing that you can put different sizes on it and i have it by the front door. i hung a little cross and a sun catcher on it also. and the other plants i brought home are really pretty to. i think mom would like them. they make me thinkof her when i see them and water them. to the lady who has lost her son and husband i am so sorry. i dont know kathryn +2 but she helped me so talk to her i think she is very nice. kathryn thanks susan kay

 
Old 11-09-2006, 05:09 PM   #7
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Re: Missin him sooooooooooo much!

You know I think it goes in spurts. I to cant remember like 4 months from after my son went home. I lost like 60 pounds and just really didnt want to exsist. Just in the last 3 months have I been smiling again and its allbecause I met a man who lost his wife 3 years ago and I can talk to him. We live 12 hours away from each other but it still does help. Yet like last night I broke down from seeing a teddy bear that had his arm band on it from the hospital. I see it and lose it. See he never awoke after I brought him into the ER and they gave him morphine for his headache. HE went under and never woke up. Had a seizure and then a stroke and his brain swelled from it. I dont remmeber alot from the time in the ICU but.....I guess its best I dont. I dont know if its wise to talk about it or not but........well I just miss him so much and keep waiting for him to walk in the door. My oldest son says I need to stop that but....inside I just cant.

 
Old 11-09-2006, 06:50 PM   #8
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Re: Missin him sooooooooooo much!

In my opinion if you don't talk about you're grief it prolongs the process. No one can tell you how to grieve. That's a very personal thing . Your son doesn't want to hear your grief because he may be having a hard time letting himself feel his own pain.When my brother died i couldn't talk about him or look at his picture or even be around someone that was talking about him. The pain was so great I denied it for the longest time. It took me years before I would let myself feel the pain of losing him. As soon as I let myself feel was when I began to heal. Now i can talk about him and laugh about him and smile at his pictures. I'm glad you found a friend to talk too and who can relate to your grief. You can't force your son to deal with his grief ,i just hope in time he will be able to remember his brother again. He would probably benefit from some grief counseling ,but i doubt he would go. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time.. Talking about your son is honoring his memory and a way to still feel connected to him....that's my take on it anyway...but like I said ...I would never presume to tell someone how to grieve.
Thank you susankay for the kind words. You hang in there too.

 
Old 11-10-2006, 02:06 PM   #9
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Re: Missin him sooooooooooo much!

I know and I think he does okay with everything but I know inside its eating at him. Seeing me sad is just his protective nature and I love my boy for that. I try and not let him see alot but......sometimes I just cant hide it. I miss Cam so very much sometimes I feel like part of me is dying inside.

 
Old 11-10-2006, 02:45 PM   #10
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ispyrebel HB User
Re: Missin him sooooooooooo much!

S..
Your son lost a brother. That is awful. But....the worst grief in the world is loosing a child. The two do not compare.
He needs to speak to a counsler himself so he understands YOUR grief. Let it out. My God. I would not be alive if I had lost a child. I would have died of heart break.
God Bless you for seeking help here. Your son is looking down on you and through God is blessing you.

 
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