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Old 11-12-2006, 01:37 PM   #1
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meeshy HB User
My hearts breaking

Hi Everyone....

Four weeks this evening we were called upto the hospital as my mum had got worse...and her heart was starting to fail......she died 4 weeks tommorrow (13th October) and am now watching the clock reliving it all (we were there for over 20 hrs ).....my hearts breaking, am dreading tommorrow....for everyone else...life is normal, for me am lost...and all i have is mum on my mind every second of the day....i want her back......i feel am losing the plot at times....am in my own world, bubble.....this pain is unbearable, i want to have a cuddle from my mum please....i just want her back.....

Meeshy
xxx

 
Old 11-12-2006, 06:47 PM   #2
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mike_uk HB User
Re: My hearts breaking

Hi meeshy, i'm sure your mum is watching you and wouldn't want you to be in such pain. Maybe try to think about all the happy moments you had together. I don't know really. But I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be like this. I was pretty numb for a couple of months. Yesterday would have been my mum's birthday but easier than I imagined. And she's at a place she loved. 3 and a half months have gone by now. Reminders and things still bring a bit of a tear. Just hope I don't forget things. Difficult to imagine I may have another 50 years without her which is like 2 life times for me. I'd give anything to have her back but just got to make the most of what I have now. Hope things get easier soon for you.

 
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Old 11-13-2006, 12:08 AM   #3
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meeshy HB User
Re: My hearts breaking

Thankyou Mike....

It helps knowing that others understand the pain and what it feels like...you take care.

Love

Meeshy
x

 
Old 11-13-2006, 02:38 AM   #4
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loboo HB User
Re: My hearts breaking

Read your post last night Meeshy, could just about see it as tears were strolling down my face, feel your pain at least we all got each other to help on here x

 
Old 11-13-2006, 02:50 AM   #5
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langy HB User
Re: My hearts breaking

hi meeshy its 9weeks since i lost my dad and im struggling so much like you im finding the pain unbearable.i dont want to socialise,talk to people or go out and yes i feel like im losing it some days i feel so angry i could smash things and other days i want to shout and scream.im finding work so difficult i just feel i cant be bothered and i dont want to go.ive no interest in my job at all.i hope that in time it gets easier for us both.thinking of you x

 
Old 11-14-2006, 02:39 AM   #6
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meeshy HB User
Re: My hearts breaking

Hi again everyone...and thankyou for your replies..i do understand the words you all post.....the thought of maybe living for many many years without mum is hitting me also...this all still doesn't seem real...going upto the grave and leaving her on her own there is so upsetting i just cry and say my mums, down there...she will be cold i want her with me so i can look after her and keep her warm......yesterday was hard as it was 4 weeks to the date she passed....it seems a lifetime ago....i keep trying to remember each day i visited and what she looked like..am frightened i forget...

I've gone on again....i hope you are all ok..under the circumstances...'thinking of you'
Hugs
Meeshy
xxx

 
Old 11-15-2006, 03:27 AM   #7
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loboo HB User
Re: My hearts breaking

Meeshy ... you will never forget and remember at the grave your Mum's spirit and energy are with you, Not down there somewhere cold, she is with you all around you. I feel my Dad near all the time
hugs
Lois x

 
Old 11-15-2006, 04:28 AM   #8
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hobobump HB User
Re: My hearts breaking

hi

can feel for you.
5 years ago i lost my dad to a heart attck then a year later to nearly the date i lost my step fatherof a heart attck. there was so many things i shold have said and done. i feel them around me and hear odd things so i went to see a friend who is a medium of over 30 years. she told me lots of things that brought peace to me. now i know they are there and i talk to them. sit in a quiet place, clear your mind and ask what you want, if you get a really quick answer it was her also if you feel and intense cold around or on you it is her.
believe and she will come to you. before ignored all my grief and blamed myself for alot of things but now i know so much more and i am at peace with my dad and memories of our short time together.

i send my love.

 
Old 11-16-2006, 02:24 PM   #9
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susan kay HB User
Re: My hearts breaking

hi i understand i miss my mom when i drive by the cemetary every day to and from work i say hi mom love you i know her sprir is in heaven with the bavies but it makes me feel better but this sounding board as it is is a good place to start so just type away it is very thriputic. huh kathryn?

 
Old 11-16-2006, 03:22 PM   #10
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gjrollins HB User
Re: My hearts breaking

Hi Meeshy,

I do feel your pain. I lost my mom to cancer and it hurt so bad I didn't want to live. The worse part about it was how she suffered. But I know she is in a better place. We have to believe that. Sometimes if I could just hug her one last time....I will pray for you.. it will get better..The pain may not go away but life will get better.. Think about the good times you had with her...It will make you feel better and it will give you the push you need to go on and enjoy life. She would want you to go on....God Bless

 
Old 11-19-2006, 06:06 PM   #11
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Isobella HB User
Re: My hearts breaking

Meeshy, I am so sorry to hear about your mum's death and how much you are hurting right now. My dad died five years ago but I can remember how I felt, especially every time I went to the cemetery to visit his grave. But things will get better for you, though of course you will never forget your mum or stop loving her. It isn't really that time heals, but it does mean that you gradually adjust and learn to cope again. This will happen, I promise you, so please don't think you will always be as unhappy as you are now, for you won't. Life will improve but it will be gradual and it will happen as its own pace, it can't be hurried. You need to take as much time as you need to grieve for your mum - she was so important to you and always will be, but some day you will be able to think about her without feeling the misery you feel at present.

 
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