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Old 11-23-2006, 06:25 AM   #1
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Couldn't cry at funeral...

I lost my uncle last week to a horrific disease. He was in his 40s and the disease totally incapacitated him. He had no use of his arms or legs, his speech was gone, and he wasted away to almost nothing.

My family and I were in the hospital with him when he passed. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to see. I have lost a few relatives before, but was never with them when they left us. I just thank God that his passing was peaceful and not full of pain and suffering.

I broke down many times that night and the following couple of days.

Services were held over the weekend, and as sad as I was, I just could not cry. Although we will all miss him terribly, I felt a twinge of relief because he was somewhere better...somewhere where he didn't have to suffer anymore.

I feel horribly guilty because I had no emotion at his services.

Is this normal?

 
Old 12-09-2006, 10:51 PM   #2
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Re: Couldn't cry at funeral...

Okay sweetie, let me fill you in on something that few will tell you, grief sucks and it acts different in every one of us. At my mom's funeral, I was able to laugh and keep a brave face on the night of the viewing, but lost it at the funeral....things just happen the way they do. Don't hold guilt over it, your loved one would never want in that way. I promise you that.

Grief can leave us in shock, which is sometimes a good place, it allows us to deal with things at a pace we can somewhat cope with, that's all you are doing. You are not terrible, horrid or anything else, my dear, you are human.

I am sorry for your loss, but am proud that you can see beyond your pain and know that he's in a better place............Angel
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Old 12-10-2006, 04:42 AM   #3
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Re: Couldn't cry at funeral...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angel77
Okay sweetie, let me fill you in on something that few will tell you, grief sucks and it acts different in every one of us. At my mom's funeral, I was able to laugh and keep a brave face on the night of the viewing, but lost it at the funeral....things just happen the way they do. Don't hold guilt over it, your loved one would never want in that way. I promise you that.

Grief can leave us in shock, which is sometimes a good place, it allows us to deal with things at a pace we can somewhat cope with, that's all you are doing. You are not terrible, horrid or anything else, my dear, you are human.

I am sorry for your loss, but am proud that you can see beyond your pain and know that he's in a better place............Angel
Angel is so right!! I looked like terrible the day of my mom's funeral--I lost it-I cried so much at the service-you'd think I wouldn't have any more in me! My siblings were/are my pillar of strength now. In fact today is kinda a bad day...tomorrow will be 5 mths since my mom passed away...but she's in a better place!!! cherie

 
Old 12-10-2006, 11:10 AM   #4
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Re: Couldn't cry at funeral...

OK-
Oh sweetie, you shouldn't feel guilty at all. Your Uncle would never want you to feel guilty. You know he has gone to a much better place and is no longer suffering, so it's ok to feel some kind of relief. Please do not carry any kind of guilt.

We all grieve differently, and there is absolutely no wrong way to get through the grieving process. You work through this any way you feel you need to, but there is no reason to feel guilt of any kind.

I cried when my cousin died, and then again at the viewing, but at her funeral I didn't and couldn't cry, and I did feel some guilt for a short while, but I realized that she was no longer suffering and was so glad for that.

I am sending thoughts of comfort your way sweetie. You have no reason to feel guilty. Please take care, and know that your Uncle is in a very happy, loving and wonderful place and is no longer sick. He is smiling down on you, and only wants happiness for you.

 
Old 12-11-2006, 03:50 PM   #5
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Re: Couldn't cry at funeral...

Thank you all so much for the word of comfort.

The one month anniversary of his passing is coming up this week, and I have to admit, it's been getting harder...not easier. I cry nearly every day - sometimes just a few tears, sometimes I sob. It's doesn't help that he worked for many years at the place I am employed now...he was a bit of a big-wig, and everyone knew and liked him. But a lot of people over the years found out I was his niece... So, as you can guess, people like to talk about him and am constantly asking how I'm doing, etc. I can't even go to work and escape it for a few hours...

 
Old 12-14-2006, 04:48 AM   #6
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Re: Couldn't cry at funeral...

Hi I am 34 now but when I was a child and my Nan died, I remember telling my Auntie this - Greif is selfish because we are crying for ourselves, because we want our loved one back, and that is selfish because our loved one is not in pain or hurting in anyway now, so we should stop being selfish wishing we could have them back. I don't know if that maeks sense or if it is babble! There is no set of rules in how we should greive, I didn't cry at my Dads funeral, I could hear his voice all the time with his usual words - don't be so soft!! But other times my heart is in so much pain I can't stop. Non of us should feel guilty, you are coping in whatever way we can, greive in your own way at your own pace, and it is ok to feel releif, I did after I watched dad pass to parkinsons and strokes
love n hugs x

 
Old 12-14-2006, 06:15 PM   #7
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Re: Couldn't cry at funeral...

I didn't cry at my mom's funeral which kind of surprised me as I was so dreading it and I was so emotional leading up to it. But the day of the funeral I didn't really feel like crying at all. In fact I got through it and the luncheon put on by her church afterwards just fine. Everyone grieves in their own way as you've read on here. I don't feel guilty for not crying. I've cried buckets of tears for my mom and I was actually relieved that I didn't cry at her funeral.
I also didn't really cry at my Dad's or my brother's funerals either ,but I've sure cried a lot since. you just never know when it's going to hit you I guess.
Hang in there ..it will get easier with time.... Kat

 
Old 12-17-2006, 04:15 AM   #8
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Re: Couldn't cry at funeral...

Dear OK2GO81,

The process of grieving has so many levels to it. One minute you feel that things are under control and the next instance you are all over the place(personal experience). It is never easy to lose a loved.

Speaking of certain loved ones still brings tears to my eyes but you know what? It's alright. They were part of my life and their memories still are.

I could tell you all the textbook jargon but I believe that you have probably heard it all by now.

What I will say is that there are many who can relate to what you are going through; know that you are not alone.

Please feel free to post anytime.

Take care
God Bless
FTM

 
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