Re: I blame the war/military
I don't know how much help I can give you but what I can tell you is that you are still young. Losing your husband is a horrible thing but I don't think he would want you to suffer the way you are now. You have to take the time you had with him and remeber all the good that came out of that so when the bad times hit you have something to hold on to. When my 12 year old son died in our house fire I truely wanted to crawl in a hole and there are still days that I do especially around Christmas, but I remember what he brought to our family and the good times we had with him and it helps. Your husband was doing something that he thought was right and that should make you proud. Just don't be to hard on yourself because no one is expected to bounce back after losing a spouse and you are still young which means your not making mistakes you are finding your way after a horrible tragedy and you have that right.