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Old 11-29-2006, 11:31 AM   #1
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MomaB HB User
Unhappy Lost in my childs grief

I am new to this but I need some advise. I lost My mother Christmas Eve of 2004 and then less then a year later my son 12 year old autistic son died in a house just before Thanksgiving of 2005. Then to make matters worse my fathe died of a massive heart attack this past May. I am trying to get by the best I can and picking up the pieces of a life that seems to falling apart around me but I have five other children that have been affected and it seems like theres not enough of me to go around to help them all. There all in counseling but at night when they can't go to sleep or the youngest one says why isn't James coming home I feel like falling apart and I can't because I feel like I have to be the stong one. My husband is a wonderful man but sometimes it's just hard to talk about whats happoning to him. I don't have my parent here to talk to anymore and both me and my husband feel quilt over what happoned to our son.

I just need to know how I can pick up the pieces so that I can help my children through the grief that they are feeling expecially now that one year anniversay of there brothers death just past and Christmas is coming. I want my Children to have a good Christmas for the first time in two years and I don't know how to help them.

Last edited by MomaB; 11-29-2006 at 11:32 AM.

 
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Old 11-29-2006, 12:50 PM   #2
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Re: Lost in my childs grief

hi i dont know what good i am going to be to you my mom has been gone 2 months and christmas will be non existint around here .but you said its been 2 years i guess put up a tree maybe have the kids make somthing to hang on the tree that they remember about james whether it is using construction paper or use a styrofom cup and have them color on it and put a hanger in it. somthing they can feel as tho they are remembering their brother their will be an empty spot felt of coure but buy a few things and lite a candle no let each one of them lite a small candle one and either make 6 cupcakes or buy one of our small cakes at walmart they are like 5;00 if thay much put the candles in the cake let each one of them lite a candle and you lite the one for james and if they are big enough have them say somthing when they lite their candle then you lite the last one.and i hope you are able to put your mind at ease im sorry if i wasnt much help i just really miss my mom. susankayand i hope the kids have a good christmas.

 
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Old 11-29-2006, 02:48 PM   #3
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Re: Lost in my childs grief

Thank you for your kind words and your ideas sound amazing. When my mother died at Christmas it was pretty non exitinct to say the least but I got by remembering that Christmas was her favorite hoiday and remembering the joy that she got from it carried me day to day. Cause when its all said and done day to day is all we can make it.

 
Old 11-29-2006, 05:26 PM   #4
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Re: Lost in my childs grief

hi again my mom loved thanksgiving and christmas from the day after the turkey she started decorating and cooking and this year my dad is not wanting anything he has been going throu the cabinits and have found alot of things she had all ready started buying to make the fudge and the hello dollys and the cooikes and when i was over there he told me to get what i wanted and i knew some of the stuff was for her baking. my son and his wife heather told me to come over to their house for christmas day it is really going to be a very sad time around these 20 akers of land. my sister lives in cail.so she wont be here. i am just really not looking foward to this here i go starting to cry agin. i miss my mom so much. it hurts . but for you try to make it as enjoyable for the kids as you can and i am sorry for the loss of your child something ever happens to rusty they might as well put me in a room /padded please god bless susan kay

 
Old 11-30-2006, 09:08 AM   #5
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Re: Lost in my childs grief

Hi again My dad went through something similar when my mother passed away at Christmas and one of the things that we did to help him was to bake the things that mother always did and keep her traditions alive and let him cry and grieve his way through the happy memories. Those are the things that kept him going for as long as he did. When he passed away this may he still was grieving. So that part of it seems to never stop but if you can keep her traditions and help him remember the good times that she had with them then that part of her will never die.

 
Old 11-30-2006, 09:48 AM   #6
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Re: Lost in my childs grief

I lost my mom in April 2002 and then in July 2003 I lost my dad as well. My family lived with my parents for a yr to help them and help us, I was going to college FT & my hubby was a long haul truck driver. My daughter was used to seeing my parents every day so she took it harder than my neices & nephews. Her B-Day is also bittersweet because she was born on their wedding anniversary. Mostly I lock my feelings away when my daughter is around but while she is in school, I let the tears come as they will.

We put special ornaments on the tree every yr in memory of my parents. And after my mom passed, my dad insisted I take a motionette Santa we had bought for her several years earlier. We set that Santa up every yr. I only have 1 child to worry about but I have given her items that my parents would have loved. For example, my mom collected elephant stuff so I got her a little stuffed elephant and my dad was a firefighter at one time so I got her a little stuffed dalmatian in his memory. When she is real sad she cuddles them and tells them how much she misses my parents and all. But she is only 7, I'm not sure what my older neices & nephews do.

If your kids are old enough, maybe you can all sit down and talk about the ones who are gone and tell a special memory. My daughter & I do this, by talking about them we are keeping the good memories alive.

 
Old 12-07-2006, 10:24 PM   #7
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Re: Lost in my childs grief

Hi,
When my Father passed away, My daughter was devestated, she was actually screaming in her sleep, she was six years old at the time. So we had her in counceling , he told us to let her do things that made her deal with her grief, so she made a candle out of paper, colored it and put it in her bedoom window, so when Grandpa looked down from heven , he could see our house right away. Then she picked our some pictures of her and grandpa, we put them in a picture frame and she had it in her bedroom, she said she liked it that way. My Father has been gone for 9 years now and every year we buy a Christams ordimnet that reminds us of him and we hang it on the tree and we say, Merry Christmas Grandpa. Hope these ideas help.
Karen

 
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