Lung cancer took my moms life at the young age of 60 on Feb.18,2006. As her daughter and her caregiver, I watched as the cancer slowly took her from me. And when she passed, I was relieved that she was relieved of all the pain and suffering that came along with lung cancer. I tried to think of all the good memories. I tried to fill the hole in my heart with the wonderful spirit she had. As Christmas nears I feel soooo lost. I feel I dont have the Christmas spirit. Its gonna be really hard without her. She made Christmas so special. Christmas for us was so much more than gifts. For that, I thank her so much. My children are missing her too. They loved to go to her house around Christmas. She always decorated her house so beautifully and Christmas music was always playing. Her and the kids were always baking, and making new ornaments for the tree. It was just so full of love and the kids felt it , they loved it. Last year even though she was weak, she made me wheel her to the front porch so she could help her "baby girl"(my 4 year old) look for signs of santa in the sky. And of course, mom sees signs of santa. Then here comes my 4 year old ,Mommy, mommy , me and grandma saw the reindeer getting ready.Then she looked at mom and said come on grandma we got to go to bed. And off to bed they went but not before mom talked me in to giving baby girl another cup of hot chocolate After they went to bed I went and sat out on the porch I looked up and told god Thank You for blessing me and my kids with that wonderful, beautiful woman laying in there sleeping with her grandchildren on Christmas Eve.
It is memories like that that give me strength,but what tears me up is the reality that there will be no more memories to be made.
In Loving Memory of a Lady Who Had The Heart Of A Thousand Women, My Mother MARILYN CARROLL
i know exactly how you feel. I lost my Mom on March 28, 2006 to COPD and I was her caregiver also. She was at my house when she passed away and I was ablt to take her into my arms and thank her for everything she ha ever did for me and told her that she is the rason that I turened out to be the woman I am today and I am very proud to be able to say that. I loved my Mother dearly and I am not looking forward to Christmas this year at all. I was telling my friend that I wouldn't even put up a Christmas tree but I have got a 10 year old Grand-Daughter that will be coming to my house for Christmas and she wouldn't understand if I didn't put a tree up. I could care less about a tree myself! When you lose a loved one, the Holidays are never the same because I lost my Dad and my sister 2 years ago and it just was not like it use to be.
I hope you have the best Christmas that you can possibly have! We will all be lonely, but we have got to keep going don't we?
Serinity, Your post was beautiful! I posted something on the cancer site titled "a Simple Friend" it was something a friend sent me. Read it it's so true. Have you ever thought of doing what your mom did with your daughter-in searching for Santa on Xmas eve? I think it would be fun-there maybe a few tears-bet your mom would be so proud of you! I know Christmas will be hard here-our mom passed away from lung cancer in July. I was living with her-we all took turns on Dr/RAD/CHEMO visits. We will be doing a progressive xmas party on the 16th-that will be when all the grandkids will get their presents from aunts/uncles-and we will have other activities for them. Take care, Cher
hi i know this is going to sound bad. but how lucky yall were to have those moments with your mothers because yall new that your mothers were going to heaven soon. mine wasnt supposed to die. all she went in for was a blood trans. ans come home. and here i am 2 floors down from her and couldnt even go see her because i was contages. dr. mike put her in for low iron give her a trans. and send her home the next day. in on mon. out on tues. thats it thats all. i go in on wens. broncitus from camping trip. i called her to tell her were i was and told her i would call her the next morning. i never got to talk to her again.she had that arithmea that wasnt supposed to happen had no clue. on tues. gives her another dose of blood and on thursday at about 9'30a.m. all i could do is hear the code blues go off and holler at the nurses station that that was my moms room. christmas this year skipping it. all together. daddy and i are just skipping it. christmas music forget it. i have been turning it down or off. i never got to talk to her again. i saw her on fri. night when i got home and i had bought her a little light up cabin to add to her chrismas stuff. i got daddy a fishing cabin he has it in his room. i broght to my house what i got for her. i saw her for a split min. when they were leaving for the hospital on that mon. morning. only because i happen to walk over to their house. right before they left. and if this sounds bad i am very very sorry. but yall got to say good by mine wasnt even suppose to die. and on top of that i never got to say good by. i couldnt even go see her while we /both were in the hospital . 2 floors apart. i hurt to much to even think christmas. i dont cry as much but i hurt. and i miss my mom. and again if this sounds bad i am so very sorry, susan kay carter
susan kay-I am so sorry to hear about your mom. We all handle tragic and "expected" deaths as you worded it differently. When did your mom pass away? Not everyone can cry when someone they love dies. My thoughts and prayers are with you. cher
I totally understand your feelings and don't feel bad towards you at all. I did get to tell my Mother by and that I loved her, but honey your Mother knew you loved her and she knew that you would of been right there with her if you could have.You have got to stop beating your self up over this. It's not your fault okay? I know you have got a lot of anger of why did this happen and why didn't you get to say bye to her. But look at it this way alright and you remember your ole buddy told you this. God needed another Angel so he took your Mother and he took one of the best didn't he? You keep that in your mind everytime you go to feeling down and out about it. I know it;s hard. Look what I've been thru the last 2 years. Things just isn't right, but sometimes we don't have a choice or a say so.
My sister came over today and she put my tree up and it's still sitting there with no lights or ornaments at all. I just couldn't do it and you know my Mother loved to sit at night and just look at the tree lit up and I should go on and decorate that tree because I know she will be able to see it when I am done with it. I can see her looking at it and having that smile on her face. God Bless you Susan. I wish there was something I could do for you to make things better. Holler back wjhen you feel up to it.
I forgot to tell you in the post just now that tomorrow night Dec 7th at 7:00 the cemetary where my parents and Grandparents are buried are havving a candle light vigil for everybody thats burried there, They will call out all of the loved ones names and you go up and light a candle in memory of your loved one so we are going to that tomorrow night. I think thats nice that they have that and they also have a tree in the lobby of the funeral home and they let you put your loved ones name on a angel ornament and place it on the Christmas tree. I thought that was pretty neat for them to do that for the families. Do ya'll have that where you live at?
Jan-Hi-you and I were posting a note to susan at the same time-at least you have a tree up-I haven't put a tree up-have my nativity set and some other decorations. I live by myself-no one comes to visit so I don't put a tree up. Knowing my mom she's probably ticked off at me! Cher
I know how all of you feel that have lost your mothers.
December 26 will be three years since I lost my mother. Eight months after losing her I lost my father on September 7, 2004. My mom was 63, my dad was 66. Far too young in my opinion. I still was not over the shock of losing my mom and I was having to deal with my father and his metastatic colon cancer. I could not believe it. To top it all off, on September 4 of this year I lost my grandmother (my dad's mom). She was 89 1/2 and lived on her own. She was absolutely lost since losing my dad. Our family was really surprised she lasted as long as she did after losing my dad. She had two sons, so my uncle is the oldest one of the family.
Needless to say Christmas since 2003 has not been the same for me. I just can't get myself worked up about the holidays like I used to. I have found that I have to push myself to get the decorations up and the shopping done and just getting through the season for me is a miracle. I do it for my family and put on a happy face. However inside I am just miserable. My family also understand and they know that if I need time to just go and cry or curl up and sleep they allow me to do that. I don't have any brother's or sister's, but I do have a cousin who is just like a sister to me and she and I either talk or email each other. All in all, I am thankful for what I have. I still wish however that I could change things and get everyone back. Even if for just one more day. You will always think if I had placed just one more call or gone for one more visit. You can't beat yourself up like that. It doesn't do any good anyway.
Our loved ones know how much we love them and wish they were back with us. I am thankful that neither my mom or my dad are in pain anymore. They both suffered horribly with cancer at the end. My grandmother, God rest her soul, went the way she wanted to go. She always said she wanted to go quick. She did. She basically took one breath and was gone the next. We found her on the bathroom floor. Our funeral director told us that her chin was discolored from falling on her chin. That is a physical impossibility. There is absolutely no way the if you are conscious that you could fall on your chin. Your arms and hand immediately at the first feeling that you are falling go out to break your fall. So by the fact that she had fallen on her chin, she was gone by the time she hit the floor. That was echoed by her doctor so we were so thankful that she basically did not know what happened other than she was here one minute and gone the next. I hope that I am that lucky when my time comes.
To my mom, Paula, to my dad, Chris and to my grandmother, Julia, I love you all and miss you so. You are all in my thoughts every day and are never forgotten.
she died sept. 28th at about 9;30 in the morning. daddy was going to come to my room first but dr. sewell was having an exray done on my gall bladder because 2 summers apart they each had theirs out first daddy then mom. so i wasnt in my room this was earlyer in the morning at about 8;00 a.m. so daddy went on to moms room . he was going to check in on mom then come back to my room but right after daddy got in moms room dr. mike came in and was getting ready to relese her he left the room she got up to go potty and then said i need to sit down and went back to her bed and fell over daddy called the nurses dr.mike heard the page turned right around and came back in there and worked on her for 40 min. he was a church member and i long time friend so he didnt want to stop. so where am i 2 floors down hearing the codes and screaming at the nurses station.. so daddy had dr. mike tell me and i kept saying no you were going to release her today . any way he had to end up putting the heart moniter and oxygen on me i have a bad valve. and he gave me some thing that put me into lala land. i am so sorry if i sounded heartless its just that this was not suppose to happen. susan kay carter
cap city/jan i will check with hillcrest and see if they are going to do any thing. that would be nice.i cant stop crying at the moment especcilly since randy is mad with me now jan read on the anemic post and you will see i just feel so alone right now. i cant help it if i live the closest and i cant help it if i have been the one to check in on daddy every day and i cant help it if i am the yongest. and i certintly cant help it if daddys wishes is not to have a house full of people this year. me nor him are just not up to it. but it is up to him as to what he wants to do. they say what ever he wants is fine but then when they find out they get mad its not my fault. i miss my mom this was not suppose to happen. thanks. well its 9'30p.m. i better get to bed yall know walmart cant run with out me. love all of yallthanks. susan kay carter for my mom MRS. BOBBIE TODD. I LOVE YOU MOM AND I MISS YOU . AND YOU SHOULD STILL BE HERE.
Yes, I was reading your post and I replied back to you. I hope you don't let this get to you because just like you said your Dad does not want a house full of people and they should understand that. I hope your day tomorrow goes lots better. Get you some rest and go to work and keep them people straightened out at Wal-Mart.
thanks thats nice thats sounds like mom is saying i did all i could in raising you and dont worry about me i am up here loking down on you feeling good brand new body and in the nursery with all these babies that i love and listining to the chours of angels. sing. mom i mis you and i love you and i will be o,k, and i wish you were here. susan kay carter