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Old 12-23-2006, 12:58 AM   #1
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First Christmas Alone

Helloo - I'm a new member here. I lost my much loved husband of 43 years on November 13th. He was diabetic and had had a heart attack when he was 44 and had problems ever since. He had congestive heart failure and I took him to the hospital. They decided to do an angiogram and if necessary, insert a stent. They were in the process of inserting the stent when he suddenly couldn't breathe. It took them 2 hours to intubate him because, they said, they couldn't get the tube into his airway. Off and on they would bag him, still trying to get the tube in. Finally they called an anesthesiologist who managed to get it in. By that time, he had suffered brain damage and would never recover. He was in the hospital on life support two weeks and had massive organ failure. Finally it was clear that there was nothing that could be done, and life support was eliminated. I blame the doctors who took 2 hours to intubate him.

But here I am now after all these years of having my handsome, fun, caring husband with me, and suddenly he's gone. I have no family nearby, but do have many loving friends who are doing the best they can for me. But with Christmas here, everyone is busy with their own families and I wonder why I should even get up in the morning. Each day I wonder how I can fill all the empty hours. I can't look at his clothes, his magazines, his papers, etc. Looking at pictures of when he was still with me make me break down in racking sobs that go on and on. I miss him so much. He was a wonderful lman who took such good care of me and made sure the house was in good condition for me after he was gone. He even wrote a letter to me a year ago and left it in his briefcase for me to find after he ws gone.

How do you get through the first Christmas without the one you love?

 
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Old 12-23-2006, 01:24 AM   #2
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Re: First Christmas Alone

Mustang5,

I am so sorry for the loss of your Husband. I know your heart is broke and you feel so alone right now at the Holidays! Just try and think of the good times you had with him and remember he wouldn't want you to be sad. I know there is nothing that I can say that is gonna make it any better for you but I lost my Dad, then 7 moths after that I lost my sister, then 75 days after my sister died, her husband died, then I just lost my Mom on March 28, 2006 so I do know how alone you do feel. I didn't even want to put a tree up, I didn't want to cook Thanksgiving Dinner. BUt I told my self that my Mom wouldn't want me to do this to my self. I put a tree up because I have got a grand-daughter thats 10 years old and I said that right there is a good enough reason to have a tree up and that I knew in my heart that my Mom could still see the lights all lit up on my tree because she would sit and just look at the tree because she thought it was so pretty lit up.

Mustang5, you kinda got me shook up a little bit though! On Janurary 4, 2007, I am scheduled to go in and have the angiogram done on me too. I have already had this done before with no problems. I had it done in 1993 and then again in 2004 I thought I was having a heart attack and they went in and done the angiogram and they found blockage behind my heart and they had to place 2 stents in there to hold it open. This time the blockage is up above my knee's on both legs and they can only do one leg at the time. I hope that everything goes well for me, but I will just have to leave it in the Lords hands and the Doctor. It sounds like your Husbands Doctor took too long and I can completely understand why your upset with the Doctor. I am so sorry. God Bless You!

Jan

 
Old 12-23-2006, 03:34 PM   #3
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Re: First Christmas Alone

I don't think his death had anything to do with the angiogram or the inserting of the stent. It had to do with him having a fash attack of congestive heart failure and not being able to breathe. His lungs filled with liquid and they didn't get the tube down his throat so he could breathe. The great majority of people have angiograms with no ill effects, so don't think that the same thing that happened to my husband will happen to you.

Thank you for your response. You have certainly had a hard way to go! Losing so many loved ones in such a short time must make you wonder what has happened to your life. Do you have other close relatives nearby? I wish I did.

 
Old 12-23-2006, 04:10 PM   #4
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Re: First Christmas Alone

mustang5- I am so srry for your loss, Think of all the good/funny times-that's what I'm planning on doing as my siblings and I get together for christmas. We may be going over more of the boxes of photos our mom had stored away-plus all the 8mm film! Jan, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers for the holidays and esp for the surgery you'll be having done! Merry Christmas! cherie

 
Old 12-23-2006, 04:49 PM   #5
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Re: First Christmas Alone

coyotoe this is susan kay your surgery is on my dads 74th birthday. i coulnt find where you had told me already. i will be thinking about you. maybe you will have a surprise to brighton up your rm. to the one that just lost her hubby i am so sorry i just lost my mom sept.28th went in the hospital for a simple blood trans. and was to come home the next day but didnt. i was in also but i had been camping and had broncitus. she went home alright but not to her house she went to her hevenly home instead.i really miss her chritmas will be just another day ,daddy wants nothing special my brother and wife stop by for a few min. and leave to go to her sisters and my son and wife come to the house to vist and go back to there house he has made it very clear he wants no big dinner together no big exchancing of gifts just nothing so it will be a nothing day. so its really depressing im glad tomorrow is the last day i work6a.m. to3 p.m. and will come home and fix us some supper and that will be it. nothing like it used to be. mom would have so much family in the house you coulnt move. those days are over. i just want all of this to be over. susan kay

 
Old 12-23-2006, 05:04 PM   #6
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Re: First Christmas Alone

coyote i forgot to tell you i hung up on my sister in law last night. she made me mad they got home from seeing her daughter and she woke me up to start with [not a good idea] then ask me how it went with me feeding her 2 dogs when i told her i had to go to the e.r. for that kidney stone she got mad because we didnt call her. i told her what where you going to do from san. antonio.? there was no need in calling you i was in pain daddy made arangements with one of their friends to feed them so then when i got home all i wanted was to sleep my 2 days off or what was left of them. well we are family arent we she says i told her there was no need in calling well we just feel so isolated down here i told her its all in your mind. i am tired i was alsleep you woke me up we can continue this fight tomorrow bye. she pused me far enough i have been thrugh enough for me i was tired of listening to her having the loose mouth.[ drinking to much] people dont relize how early 5;00 a.m. comes if they dont have to get up that early. tomorrow being c/eve i have to be at work at 6;00 a.m. so i will be up at 4;00 a.m. but i will be off at 3p.m. thats the only good thing . very very busy store. i wish my mom was here to make me some fudge. well ill let you go talk to you later wrote back. susan kay

 
Old 12-23-2006, 07:15 PM   #7
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Re: First Christmas Alone

Thank you for answering. It would be so nice if I had family members nearby, but I don't. This Thanksgiving and Christmas will probably be the worst ones, at least I hope so. I hate to think they could get worse. Maybe next year I will go someplace else for the holidays. My husband was the one who did most of the cooking, and he really loved it. He'd get up early in the morning on Thanksgiving and Christmas and I'd hear him in the kitchen, banging pots and pans and whistling, just as happy as he could be. He loved having people over for big dinners and loved all our family and friends. This year I'm having Christmas Eve dinner at a friend's with her family, and on Christmas day I'm just staying home. I think the holidays are just going to be just like any other day for a good while.

My husband's 90 year old uncle calls and cries on the phone because he lost his dear wife a few years ago, and now he knows we have that awful thing in common. We both end up in tears. I feel so sorry for him, but I never could really relate to exactly how he felt until now. I guess nobody can understand unless they have to go through it themselves.

I'm glad I found this group of people who all have that one thing in common and can offer sympathy and understanding and advice that comes from the heart and from experience.

 
Old 12-24-2006, 12:21 AM   #8
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Re: First Christmas Alone

mustang5 that does make me understand now. I don't guess I really noticed it when I was reading because I thought to my self, poor lady, she has got to be hurting so bad and feeling so alone! Why did it take them so long with your Husband? Why couldn't they get a tube down him and maybe he could still be here today? I know we are not suppose to ask why God took our loved ones but you know we all get mad, we feel sad and then the depression and i just makes you wonder why don't it? I sure hope that you can have the best Holiday that you can possibly have under the situation. God Bless you!

Cheri,

Thanks a lot for the thoughts and prayers. I can use all I can get because I have done good so far knowing about the surgery but today it hit me like a ton of bricks and I am getting sceared and I have already been through this but you just never know what could happen.

Susan,

Girl, I have been all over this board trying to talk to you and to see how you were doing but didn't know if you would see who I was. The same ole Jan here. Are you feeling better now since you made your trip to the hospital with the stones you had? I thought, oh no what else is she gonna have to go through. So my surgery is on your Dad's Birthday? I will say a little prayer for him and for you also that day and hope you do the same for me. If I get something colorful in my room, I can say my good ole friend from LA sent them to me. You are so sweet. Well try and have the best Christmas that you can have Susan. Remember your Mom is walking the streets of gold and ain't got a pain one so just try and be proud of that and keep your head up girl. I know it's hard, but we can all do this together okay?

Jan

 
Old 12-24-2006, 07:39 PM   #9
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bcwooley HB User
Re: First Christmas Alone

It would be so nice if I had family members nearby, but I don't. This Thanksgiving and Christmas will probably be the worst ones, at least I hope so. I hate to think they could get worse.


I, too am alone for the first Christmas. I lost my husband on Feb 24th this year. I, too do not have family here and my friends are trying, but like yours, they have their own families. They ask me to go with them, but, I don't want to watch them with their loved ones. I hope things go quickly tomorrow. I find myself wishing I could join him and just leave all this behind, but then I pull myself up and try to see the bright side of things. How can it be bright when my family doesn't even take the time to send me a card. My sisters are calling but my child and grandchildren don't seem to remember me unless they want something. God, please just let me go to be with him soon. I can't stand this pain anymore.

 
Old 12-24-2006, 11:43 PM   #10
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Re: First Christmas Alone

I think I know how you feel. You have been alone longer than I have - my husband went in the hospital on Oct. 24th and died on Nov. 13th, so it hasn't even been two months, but it feels like he's been gone for years. Life will never be the same - nothing will be the same. We have been thrown into a lonely, new world that we cannot relate to on any level. I miss his warm humor, his presence, his hugs, the way he helped me with everything. I could always depend on him. Now I have nothing to depend on and no real reason to get out of bed in the morning. I really, really hope it gets better. It has got to get better than this. I am so miserable. I have one son who lives 160 miles away, and no grandchildren, no family here at all. I wonder if I should stay here, but then how could I start over someplace else at age 63. I don't know what to do, so I do nothing.

 
Old 12-25-2006, 12:54 AM   #11
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Re: First Christmas Alone

Susan Kay,

You mean she called you again and then had the nerve to jump you for not calling her when you were so sick and on your way to the hospital. I guess you in all that pain you should of made a special phone call to tell them you were leaving your house for a while that there was something wrong with you huh? I am so proud of you for standing up for your self and telling her how the cow eats the cabbage. Enough is enough, and I think they have put you through pure hell on purpose and if it were me, when I seen that it was them calling me, I would just lay the phone back down. It sounds like they just want to keep you upset hun and they can't keep doing you this way or you will never feel any better. I guess I am just too hard headed because I wouldn't listen to that loose mouth of hers as you call her.lol....I would just tell her to go drink her another one. Susan, on another post I wrote to you and said that God would put no more on us than we could stand and I hope and pray that you didn't get up set with me or get mad at me because I would never, ever intentionally hurt your feelings for nothing. I try to talk to you and say things to try to cheer you up and make you feel better. I have enjoyed talking to you so much since I joined this board and I sure don't won't to upset you and if I did I would like to apoligize to you now. Please let me hear back from you. Take care of your self Susan!

BC Wooley,

I can't imagine how you feel not having any family around because I know thats got to be hard on you. I guess I am so luck that I do have a brother, sister, and I neice that lives right next door to me and that helps me but most of the time I stay inside because I don't want to mix and mingle yet neither. I can understand you not wanting to be around where there is families celebrating. That would be hard, but you really do need to be where other people are at and be around people or it will get the best of you. I understand you saying you wish you could just go on and be with your loved one because I said the same thing, but evidentally GOD is not ready for us yet so just think it over and see if you might change your mind and join some friends just to visit and then if it's too hard on you then you can go back home. You really need to be around people that cares for you at this time! God Bless You!

Jan

Mustang5 as I was saying right above this post, I know it's got to be hard with no family around you at all. You said you had a son that lived a good ways away from you, but maybe that would be a good thing for you to move so you can be around your family! Just a thought for you. If I didn't have my family here, I know I would be a basket case so give it some thought. Maybe your son would be glad for you to move close to him and would give you a hand at moving you near him. Good luck with what ever you choose to do. God Bless You!

Jan

 
Old 12-25-2006, 06:36 PM   #12
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Re: First Christmas Alone

coyete yes i know who you are hurt my feelings ? didnt even think about it i didnt even take it that way. the associate i told you about found out today for christmas what we are doing and was just in shock she just cryed and cryed and it took her a few min to understand that we were sending her to nashville to see her son /grandbaby/ wife and now that she has talked to her son she is bouncing off the walls it really felt good to do that for some one who so deserved it. so we are all going to take her to the airport on the 3rd. and see her off. are you have surgery in your home town are in dallas? she just couldnt beleive that she has such good friends she tank you just dosnt cover it we told her you just go and have some time with them . jan i have really enjoyed talking to you to i dont know what i would do with out this board. to the lady who just lost her husband i am sorry i have ask jan and kathyrn why and they have tryed to tell me we dont why we just know god knows and one day we get to see them again i have been through the shock and the mad and the depression and now i just miss her but every body miss the one they have lost i was telling one of my co/workers that i didnt understand tottly how she felt when she lost her mom this year to i had ask her if we could say good by and she was really hurting at the time. i told her i was so sorry for saying that because i didnt understand but now i do.her mom was on of our door greeters so it was hard on all of us at the store but i felt like i had to tell her. and that i didnt mean to hurt her but now i under stand the hurt. so in time and thats all that is going to help is time it will get better . this was my first christmas with out mom but we stayed together and eat as a family my dad and my son/wife/brother/and his wife so it wasnt so bad. just keep talking to us on this board and it will slowly get better. take care.susan kay

 
Old 12-26-2006, 01:36 AM   #13
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Re: First Christmas Alone

Oh, Susan I am so glad that I didn't hurt your feelings or make you made. That has bothered me wondering if I hurt you in any way because I would never intentionally hurt anyones feelings at all. I'm just not that way. It's funny because I just posted on another post about how much evrybody has helped me out since I losy Mama and YOU are the one that I took to so quick because I could just feel your hurt and I understood exactly how you felt. And you being sick your self wasn't helping anything either.

I will be having my surgery done at Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas Texas. It is on Greenville Avenue I think. I"m pretty sure of that and if I see I am wrong I will let you know alright? My surgery is Jan 4th and it is getting closer and now I am getting sceared. But I will have my husband with me so I won't be alone. I know my sister won't be there because she has big issues with drugs so I can't count on her for nothing. Thats sad to say but true. You know, if my poor Mama was still here, she would of been right at that hospital with me. My husband would of had to of put her in her wheel chair and pushed her, but bless her heart she would of been there for me! God Bless Her Heart! She was a good Mama and I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THAT! Me and my Mama never had a cross word in my life and I'm 50 years old so that goes to show you how good she was to me. I had a great Daddy too though. Yeah Susan I am thinking the hospital is at Greenville and Walnut in Dallas.

I am so glad that your co/worker was so happy that you guys did that for her. There ain't many people that would of done that. See, goes to show you she had some good co?workers to work with. I know she was happy and I am glad that you had a good time seeing her being so happy. Keep it up girl. I can tell your getting better.

Your friend,
Jan

 
Old 12-26-2006, 03:22 PM   #14
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Re: First Christmas Alone

hi jan yes i feel like i am getting better. i was off to day [tues] but i have to work tomorrow i am usually off but because we were closed on christmas day we had to work on one of our off days but thats o.k. on my next check it will have both holiday pays on it [christmas and new years day] so that will be a good check but it will only go to elec./ gas/cable /food must have food and my fav.CHEESE NIPS i love me some cheese nips. dr.mike is setting me up with an appointment with a urologest to see if i have any more stones. i hope not he has me on cepero and some pain med. one is twice a day and one is 3 times a day. then i go see him on the 26th.i looked at moms pic. last night and told her we had a good day that we were all together for lunch. so i imagine she was happy.dont you worry about your surgery your going to come thru it just fine. you have to i have to have some one to keep me in line. i have all the info for your surgery. i will wire the flowers from our usual place here. daddy just called and he wants me to come over and taste some dressing that my aunt had made for us [he has dressed it up no telling what he has put in it. ] so i will sign of of this one and catch you one a nother post. thanks for your long distance friendship.susan kay

 
Old 12-27-2006, 11:34 PM   #15
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Re: First Christmas Alone

Well I was reading another post and seen where you said that your Dad had worked on the Dressing and I guess it turned out good huh? I ate Dressing at Luby's and the first thing that I said was, "This does not taste like Mama's Dressing and everyone laughed and agreed with me." My Mama was the best cook. She could take anything and make it taste so good. She loved to cook and when someone came in there house, her and Daddy would always tell them to sit down and eat and they wouldn't stop until that person eat something too. Thats just the kind of people my Mama and Daddy were. They never met a stranger. Everybody loved them. I sure do miss them but it's gonna be okay because I know deep down in my heart that neither one of them is in no more pain, no worries and thats what I keep telling my self. Susan I really enjoy talking to you too! I don't think I could of made it if it wasn't for this message board. Everybody is so nice and I really look forward to getting on here at night and reading the post.

Take care,
Jan

 
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