dealing with boyfriend's grief
4 years ago when my ex-boyfriend was about 18 his dad died suddenly (he was very close to him) and then a year later his girlfriend died. his mum isn't particularly well and he hasn't got a stable home base in the UK
we've had an on off relationship for a few years, but at the beginning of the sumemr we got together for what seemed like 'for good' and spent two mon ths travelling together in the holidays. we used ot be at uni together, but he failed his exams and moved uni this year. its been hard, as any long distance relationship is, and i think hes been really struggeling to cope with this change in his life plus trying to maintain a relationship with me. hes a good, sweet guy, but it seems like all his energy went into surviving and he didnt have any to spare for me.
6 weeks ago an old friend of his from school died. i found out about this a week and a half after it happened as he ignored all my calls, etxts and emails for a while. he just completely shut down. i then went to see him out of worry, and im starting to think i wasn't sympathetic or understanding enough.
i was so consumed with my own hurt and anger at him ignoring my upset messages of 'please get in touch' that i gave him a long speech on how not ok his actions were. we made up, and i tried to be nice and sympathetic, and he turned into the lovbly, loving guy i used to know. the next day we hgad a great day out and he seemed relatively ok. clealry still going through a lot, but quite chirpy. i aske dhim if he needed mroe time alone, and he said no, and the lats thing i told him was 'if you need more space, let me know'.
after that i heard nothing for 2 weeks. i sne thim some nice friendly texts, some supportive emails, then after a week and a half i got mad and sent him a couple of not very nice texts - he'd really hurt me not gettign in touch again, and mroe than anything, i was really worried about him.
now, hes really turned on me, and can't really see how hes messed things up.
i was just wanting people's perspective's on his grief and what he's been through, as i want to try and understand him a bit better. maybe i shouldn't have shouted at him, and maybe i should have been more caring and sympathetic (much easier said than done in a relationship though)
i was hoping that maybe someone who has lost a parents/other people they love could shed some light on what hes going through?
at the momenbt we've agreed not to talk until he can handle communication and sort some things out. i want nothing more than to text him to say hi and see how he is, and be there for him. does anyone have any ideas on how i can support him?