It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Grief & Loss Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-04-2007, 12:25 PM   #1
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 34
Bill J HB User
I need help(confused)

Dear Readers

I need some help and don't know what to do, my girlfriend wants me to see a grievence counsellor, she says that every time she talks to me she senses this deep sadness. She has been commenting over the holidays how well she thought I was doing being the first year w/o my mom but now thinks I might not be dealing with it as well as I could be. Her father is a retired psychiatrist and tells her if it's not dealt with properly it can turn into an mental illness which scares me because I've already been dealing with depression along time, I guess they think I should be along alot further than I am, she is not critical of me just concerned and has givin me nothing but total support, she has never lost anyone close to her and still has both her parents who live just dowm the street from her and are very loving and caring parents. I have been thinking about seeing a counsellor but just trying to sort out which is grieving and which is depression. It will be one year on Jan.12 since my Mom passed and I think about her constantly. Sorry if I'm all over the place it's just the way it came out.

Yours truly

Bill J

 
Old 01-04-2007, 12:51 PM   #2
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: uk
Posts: 59
meeshy HB User
Re: I need help(confused)

Hi Bill

Bless you sound like you have a good girlfriend there bless her....i wish i could help more with my words but with it not even being 3 months since i lost mum...i don't know what i should be feeling myself at what times ie weeks or months....who can say what length of time is right and wrong....this is such an individual thing...i suppose if it gets to a point where it severly is damaging your life and living it then maybe thats the time to ask for help.....i worry also, because i too suffer with bouts of depression and especially anxiety....i know about a year or so after my mum lost her mum she had a breakdown...of which i did'nt or we did'nt as a family know what the hell was happening and it was a very scary time....especially when your only in your teens...and that niggles me in the background also....

I think we have to be ourselves deal with the grief the way we as a person only knows how to an be non pressured...we have these mothers for so long...its only right it takes a wee while to adjust to loosing them....bill if you can as i know its hard...try and get some peace time and truly as yourself..if you feel you need some help..there is no shame in asking for it....i know its hard and i don't say these words lightly....being new to this grief, its a strang road am walking also....

Go with what you feel...Bill

Take care...i hope i have made some sense......

Love
Meeshy
xxx

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-04-2007, 01:02 PM   #3
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 34
Bill J HB User
Re: I need help(confused)

Thank you meeshy,

Bill x

 
Old 01-04-2007, 01:13 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 913
whackedback HB Userwhackedback HB Userwhackedback HB User
Re: I need help(confused)

Bill-

I went to see a Licensed Clinical Social Worker after my dad died of a brain tumor in 2002. My mom died 55 weeks later. My work paid for 8 sessions, so I didn't pay a penny. It helped me over time, but it's not like a haircut, with one session in the chair and it's complete. It will take a few visits.

My suggestion to you would be to accept the suggestion and see someone. Perhaps your gf's father could recommend someone. I wouldn't see him just to separate family and "business." The worst that could happen is therapist saying "you don't need to be here!"

wb

 
Old 01-04-2007, 05:35 PM   #5
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 98
Ekris3 HB User
Re: I need help(confused)

Bill,
I don't post very often but wanted to here. I've recently lost both my parents, the last being my Mom who died 14 months ago today. My Dad passed away 15 months before that. Both had a long road with cancer, sick at the same time, and I was their only caretaker. Between my Mom and Dad's death, my husband had a brain tumor. Has been a long, rough road and I realized several months ago that I couldn't deal with everything on my own. Have been in counseling and I've found that it really helps. My husband (who's ok now) doesn't understand the grief and depression and neither of us are great communicators, so the counseling really helps. Sometimes you just need a little help to get through and having somebody who's there for you and understands what you feel is a Godsend. I think you're very lucky...seems your girlfriend really cares about you! Good luck.

 
Old 01-04-2007, 05:50 PM   #6
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 34
Bill J HB User
Re: I need help(confused)

Dear Ekris3 and whacked back,

Thank you for your posts and encouraging me with your own experiences with counsellors, I think that is the road I have to take if I want to get through this.

Bill J

 
Old 01-09-2007, 02:33 AM   #7
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Ke
Posts: 327
CoyoteBound HB User
Re: I need help(confused)

Hi Bill,

I too losy mu Mom and Dad within a year of each other and i was my Mothers caregiver. My Doctor has told me so many times that I need to go and just talk to a Counselor, just someone who will listen to me, and help me through this and I havne;t done it, but I am at the verge of going. When it meses with your daily life, activities and different things, I don't see how it could hurt us to go and just talk to someone. How bout lets both say we are going for help and do it? I think it would help us don't you?

God Bless You Bill,
Jan

 
Old 01-09-2007, 05:59 AM   #8
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 34
Bill J HB User
Re: I need help(confused)

Dear Jan,

I think your right, I've been thinking about this for a long time and just keep putting it off or avoiding it but maybe we can't get to the next level of our grieving without some help a counsellor would know what questions to ask and where to direct us instead of us trying to do it on our own. I've spoke to one person and have a number to call. Let's keep each other posted.

Take care and God Bless

Bill

 
Old 01-18-2007, 12:49 AM   #9
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Ke
Posts: 327
CoyoteBound HB User
Re: I need help(confused)

Bill,

I'm gonna be honest with you! If you have gotten a number than you have got farther than I have. But I have been really sick since I lost my Mom and I just had surgery done on January 4, 2007 so that has kinda kept my mind off of some of the bad memories.

How are you doing now? Does it seem like your feeling any better at all, or are you about the same? I know you mentioned a brother in one of your post, but I have got a brother and a sister too and I have got my neice and her husband and kids and we all live right here on 25 acres so I have got family around me alot plus I've got a son and a Grand-Daughter to think about and thats helped me a lot too. But Bill, my Mom knew she was gonna die, and she made me make her a promise that I would not sit and grieve over her like I did when my Dad died and my Sister. Well natirally I told her I wouldn't, because I told her what she wanted to here. My Mom told everbody that I was the one she was worried about because me and my Mom has always been so close. She was my BEST friend, not just a Mom. But every time to go to crying, I stop and think, I have got to stop because it's gonna just upset Mama and I made her that promise.

Hang in there Bill! I can tell you Dearly loved your Mom and you know what, I wish I could say that for every Man but I can't. Ask God to help you through this and to give you the strength to make another day that you can't do it alone and Bill he will help you!

God Bless You,
Jan

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Help! Confused about thyroid results and lab ranges kbennj Thyroid Disorders 8 02-19-2009 08:10 AM
help confused ladybeej Thyroid Disorders 2 08-17-2007 10:02 PM
Please Help-Confused apaf-21 Women's Health 11 06-25-2007 07:27 AM
Need help - confused AUJenV811 Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) 4 05-03-2007 02:42 PM
Please Help! Confused! allibear Sexually Transmitted Diseases 1 04-08-2006 02:56 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Ivorygirl (13), rosequartz (11), slenderella (8), writeleft (4), JJ (4), caringsister54 (3), jesseca (3), Charlyssa (3), Kszan (2), sjb (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1164), MSJayhawk (997), Apollo123 (898), Titchou (832), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (745), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:05 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!