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Old 01-21-2007, 05:26 PM   #1
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Found my brother, can't get over it

I am new to this, but I've been reading some of the postings and my heart goes out to all of you. We are all trying to find our way through this. I think it helps to know that there is a place where you can talk about your feelings, and hear from other people who are dealing with similar experiences. I came home on Nov 8, 2006 and thought my 46 year old brother was sleeping. He was completely healthy as far as I knew, and I had just talked to him before noon that day. He was also my best friend. To back up a little, my entire family lives on the other side of the country, so I was thrilled a year and a half ago when my brother took a job in my area. He and his wife had split up a few years ago, no kids, so it was just him. He moved in with us at first, and it worked out so well he stayed. He became such a big part of our lives, and he and I just had some kind of special connection. We would talk for hours about things, do projects together, he was funny and smart. I could never have imagined what would happen. I wondered why his car was here but the house was dark as I pulled in the driveway. When he wouldn't wake up I realized I had to call 911, they had me trying to do CPR until the ambulance arrived. Then when they got here, they told me it was too late, there was nothing they could do. The whole time I was thinking he would wake up, that this couldn't be happening to him, that I had to save him, that I wished I had taken a CPR class, that if only the paramedics would get here soon they could do something. I keep reliving this in my mind. It's hard to go near where I found him so all of his things are still there. I don't like to come home alone after dark if no one else is here. I try to act strong, but inside I just can't get over it.

 
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Old 01-21-2007, 08:07 PM   #2
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Re: Found my brother, can't get over it

I am so very sorry for your loss. I also lost my brother. We were only a year apart and had a great relationship. He died of cancer . I can't imagine how very terrible it must have been for you to find your brother,. and it was so sudden I imagine it still doesn't seem real to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this very difficult time. The grieving process is long and hard ,but it does eventually get easier. I still miss my brother everyday,but the pain is not as sharp ,and I can even smile at some of my memories of him. Take care....

 
Old 01-22-2007, 02:50 AM   #3
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Re: Found my brother, can't get over it

sadsis,

I an so sorry for the loss of your brother. My thoughts and prayers go out to you at this time. I too lost my sister and she was 55 and this was in Mov 2004. We thought she was as healthy as can be and she took a real bad headache one night and her husband tried to take her to the hospital and she wouldn't go. She claimed the headache let up and she went back to bed that night and got up the next morning and her and my brother had some business to go and take care of and when they were headed back to the car, my sister told my brother she was having a hard to breathing and they were got to the car and she unlocked the car and my brother got in and put on his seat belt and turned back looking for my sister and he could not see her. He got out of the car and found my sister laying on the ground and she was already gone. A Brain Anyeresum hit her and took her that quick. My brother tried to do CPR, plus some people passing by also tried until the Paramedics got there but it was to late. What is so hard, is when you think their healthy and then the next thing you know they are gone.

Like the other poster said, in time the pain will get easier, but you will just have to take it one day at a time. Main thing is take care of your self. And remember that we are here to listen any time you want to talk about it.

God Bless You!

Last edited by CoyoteBound; 01-22-2007 at 02:51 AM. Reason: Misspellled a word

 
Old 01-22-2007, 05:24 PM   #4
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Re: Found my brother, can't get over it

Kathryn+2, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. I can only imagine how hard it is to see someone you love go through an illness like that. It must have been very hard. There is no good way to lose someone you love. I appreciate your kindness so much. It helps to know there is a place to talk to people who understand.

 
Old 01-22-2007, 06:14 PM   #5
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Re: Found my brother, can't get over it

CoyoteBound, Thanks so much for your kind words. I'm so sorry about your sister. You're right, it's hard when someone is fine one minute and then gone. And your brother was with her when it happened. You lost your sister in November too. Alot of similarities there. The holidays come quickly after November, and you try to do what you should, but maybe there's not enough time just to grieve? I feel like I should be doing better than this by now. What do you think? This is the only place I have to say how I really feel. In my everyday life I'm the one who others lean on for strength, so I appreciate you taking the time to respond so very much.

 
Old 01-23-2007, 04:03 PM   #6
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Re: Found my brother, can't get over it

Dear sadsis...there is no set timeline for grief,and there will never be a time when you are "over it". Yes the pain does lessen ,but the hole in your heart will always be there. Don't worry about how other people, or even you yourself, think you should be feeling by now. It's okay to be still grieving. I lost my dad and my brother 18yrs ago and it's still hard. Although just so you know ...there is a light at the end of the tunnel ,because the intense grief does lesson into more of a dull ache . I can think about them and not want to burst into tears.I can even laugh at my memories of them. Trust me ..it gets easier.
I lost my mom 3yrs ago and i'm still working on that one. But having gone through the other losses I grew a lot spiritually,so i'm actually having an easier time moving on with my grief this time then I did with my dad and brother.,(even though my moms death was always unthinkable to me and has impacted my life greatly.) Be kind and gentle with yourself and most importantly ... patient...... Once again ....i'm so sorry for your loss.

 
Old 01-26-2007, 07:59 PM   #7
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Re: Found my brother, can't get over it

kathryn 2 Thanks for that good advice. My heart goes out to you, to have lost so many. You give so many people on this board such thoughtful, caring messages. You probably have no idea just how many people you help. That's what is so great about this board. I read alot more than I write, in fact, this is the first time I've been involved in something like this. When people are willing to share their experiences to help others, and in turn receive the same, it really works. Sorry for going on...I guess I'm trying to say that I'm grateful to you and others who take the time to answer postings. PS I lost my dad when he was 50. It was many years ago now, it was hard too, but I know you're right that it will get easier to bear. You describe it well. I was alot younger then and I guess it changed my life in different ways and i dealt with it differently. I still have my mother. I cannot imagine how difficult a loss that is... you take care of yourself too.

 
Old 01-26-2007, 09:19 PM   #8
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Re: Found my brother, can't get over it

Thank you sadsis for the kind words. I guess we're all just trying to get through this the best way we can. I think the loss of my brother was actually the hardest one to accept for me because he was so young and vibrant . Only 35. He was a very special person and he taught me a lot .Especially how to die with courage and dignity. (did I mention he had cancer?) His death had a very profound effect on my life. It changed me in many positive ways. For instance I am more compasionate, I don't sweat the small stuff, I stop and smell the roses, I appreciate the people that are in my life and I try not to take them for granted, I know that it's not the material things that make you happy. I would gladly give up all my "stuff" to have my loved ones back.....and i've found my own spiritual center.Something that I can rely on when things get tough. I'm strong ..and i'm a survivor ,and I know my mom ,dad and brother would be very proud of me. It's been quite a journey ,with lots of lessons learned,and i know it's not over yet , but I do feel like i'm better equiped now to handle whatever is to come., because I've gone through this. Hang in there ...your journey is just starting ..and the gieving process is a pretty tough road. But as you know with the loss of your dad ..it does get easier with time. I sure wasn't planning on going on and on like I have. I just wanted you to know how much the loss of my brother effected me as I'm know the loss of your brother is effecting you right now.

Last edited by kathryn+2; 01-26-2007 at 09:20 PM. Reason: spelling

 
Old 01-31-2007, 12:48 PM   #9
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Re: Found my brother, can't get over it

Sadsis so sorry to hear of your loss. I have not lost any of my brothers but I lost both my parents. I miss my mom the most, wish she was here
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Old 02-04-2007, 07:06 PM   #10
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Re: Found my brother, can't get over it

Hi Everyone, Sorry I haven't replied to anyone for a while. Sometimes I read everyone's postings and I can't find the words to reply. Some have lost children, or so many family members, I don't have the words to say how sorry I am.
I have a brand new grandson who is named after my father-in-law (who we lost in March 06) and my brother (who we lost in Nov.06). He just missed being born on my father-in-law's birthday by 2 hours. It is a nice feeling to know that life and family continue. He is a cutie.
In another way it makes you think about the ones who aren't here to share something like this. My heart is broken everytime I realize they will never see this little guy. I hope they can see us and know how much we love and miss them!!! I also lost my dad, and my grandma, who was my 2nd mom, 20 years ago, so I know it does get easier to live with, but you never stop missing them. Love you Dad, Nana, Tonse (dad-in-law), and John, my brother, my best friend.

 
Old 02-07-2007, 10:10 PM   #11
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Re: Found my brother, can't get over it

sadsis,

First off, let me Congratulate you on your Grandson! Aren't they just prescious and so special? I have one GrandDaugher and she is 10 and she is the light of my life! I have always heard that your first Grandbaby is special, and I believe every word of it, but i don't have anymore grandkids so I think mine is pretty special.

I wanted to ask you how are you doing now over the loss of your Brother? I have had you in my thoughts and prayers. It is gonna take a long time to see that things will get better, but it will never go away. Everyday, I catch my self thinking of my Mom, my Dad and my Sister and Brother-in-law but trust me it does get easier as time goes by. I sure hope that things have improved some for you. God Bless You.

Jan

 
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