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Old 01-30-2007, 08:47 AM   #1
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Glen101 HB User
Delayed Grief

My mum was my best friend but when i was 16 i lost her to cancer, oddly i felt no feelings after except for the occasional outburst after too much drink. But now i feel as though my life is at a standstill iv gone from a social out-going person to a depressed mess and only now have i started to think about my mum and its quite painfull. I feel as though the hurt of losing my mum (my world) has been sitting inside getting bigger and bigger and now its destroying me, can any1 help.

 
Old 01-30-2007, 03:54 PM   #2
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Re: Delayed Grief

There definately is something called delayed greif. When i was in hospice group counseling they discussed it. If you don't deal with your grief at the time it WILL come back to haunt you in many different ways. My only suggestion would to seek some kind of grief counseling. Over here in the states we have Hospice which has free grief counseling. i'm pretty sure you have something similiar where you are. ...good luck..

 
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Old 01-30-2007, 04:55 PM   #3
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beach nut HB User
Re: Delayed Grief

Sorry for you loss Glen. How long ago did she pass? My mom died when I was 21 of lung cancer ( that was in 1990 ) I think it gets easier with time in some ways but i still become very sad and cry a lot at times. I took care
of her while she was sick. I have regrets in knowing i should have been
a better kid growing up. My mom meant so much to me, so i really do know how you feel. It is just awful to watch someone you love get so sick and then be gone from your life. I wish you the best. It really will get easier. Hopefully you have or will have someone in your life that truly makes you happy.

 
Old 01-30-2007, 08:47 PM   #4
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Re: Delayed Grief

Hi Glen,

I know it hurts; I lost my mom last summer. Hope you have some folks to talk to about your feelings. It is not good to hold this all inside, as it does not go away simply because we repress it.

And please be careful of not over-imbibing the strong drink as it can become a problem in itself. We are at risk for this when holding strong emotions buried deep inside. This wreaks havoc with brain chemistry, making emotions more extreme.
Find safe people with which to commesurate. Also, it helped me to keep a journal of all my feelings/thoughts/memories about her. Set aside a time when you're not likely to be interrupted. The thing is, you want to give yourself permission to just feel the pain. It will hurt, but it will not do you in. Just feel it. It doesn't subside until or unless you just feel it.

I find also that listening to sad songs helps me to get in touch with the pain, to bring to the surface whatever I might be hiding within.

Good luck & please be aware that there are sympathetic folks here with which to share your pain...people who know what you're going through and are willing to share & listen without judgement. I find it helps tremendously just simply to be heard.

Take care & watch out for the strong drink; you are most vulnerable to its seductive influence at times of loss. It's not what you need just now. You need to just give yourself permission to feel the loss in a safe & non judgemental environment.

And also if you have a faith/religion/spiritual practice, now is a good time to cultivate this, as well.

Good luck & please know that you are not alone

 
Old 01-31-2007, 02:59 AM   #5
ICC ICC is offline
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Re: Delayed Grief

Hi Glen----my middle daughter passed away in '97. after 10 months of working, working, working I spent the night in the psych ward of a local hospital. Tied a good load on and my family was concerned. when speaking to the dr. the next morning he knew i wasn't crazy or self-destructive, that i put so much distance between me and her death that when i finally realized it I flipped. the drink will get you nowhere but a few hours of tears. It is ten years for me now and I am just getting through the final stages of grief. TEN years it took me to deny, be angry and accept. there are no right or wrong ways to grieve. it is your way but you ned a healthy way. I am with missbluesky. Music whether on the radio or in church will always give me a good cry and what a relief that is. prayers will be said for you .


ICC

Last edited by ICC; 01-31-2007 at 02:59 AM.

 
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