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Old 02-11-2007, 06:43 PM   #1
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shell1 HB User
So Sad

Hi, my mother died January 24th, she had been on oxygen for 11 years. I just didn't ever think she would die. Denial I'm sure. I miss her so much, I talked to her at least two times everyday on the phone, and helped take care of her. Every time the phone rings my first thought is it is probably my mom. We had to start emptying her apartment the next day. I got sick to my stomach I couldn't do it. My sister who lives far away flew in. My mom died at 10:00 am and she didn't get here till 5:00 PM. She went through everything and mainly cleaned out her apartment. My husband moved the furniture. Now I have piles of things to go through and I am so heartbroken I can barley manage to get through anything. My daughter collasped when grandma died. She was such a great person. Always laughing, teasing and joking. She was always there for me. I feel so lost and alone. It feels like people think you should snap out of it, but I just can't. I love her and miss her so much, it feels like someone ripped my heart out and stomped on it. Please pray for me!

 
Old 02-11-2007, 10:12 PM   #2
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Re: So Sad

I have said a prayer for you and your family. My heart is with you. Please take care. I know its hard. I wish I had advice, but I dont. So I will pray very hard!

 
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Old 02-12-2007, 11:24 AM   #3
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Re: So Sad

i feel so much for you. i lost my mum five years ago, so i can totally and utterly sympathise.
i know exactly how you feel. and its like a cruel joke that after what has happened, you then have to go through all her stuff, which is just the most painful thing to do.
your pain will gradually lesson. it will, i know you dont believe that, but trust me, it will.
you will always miss your mum. thats just a fact, but one day you will realise that youve gone a few hours without crying and feeling so terrible, and then one day you will laugh again. and yes, the first time, you will probably suddenly feel terribly guilty, that you could possibly laugh at something.

i remember after losing my mum, i was going somewhere on the bus, and i was looking at the other passengers, talking, and laughing, and other 'normal' stuff, and i just wanted to scream at them all. how dare they carry on as normal when i'd just lost my mum. i hated every single one of them, but of course, thats just natural, and that didnt last very long.

you will get through it. i promise you.

all the love in the world to you, and im so sorry for your grief xxxx

 
Old 02-12-2007, 11:44 AM   #4
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shell1 HB User
Re: So Sad

Thanks for the kind words. It really does help knowing that others get through it. I lost my dad at 18 and I had such a numb feeling at first and then grief came. It's different now, I am kind of forced to grieve. One day she dies the next I am at her apartment knowing I won't see her again, at least here on earth. I just wish I could hug her and tell her I love her just one more time. I wish I could tell her how much she meant to me.

 
Old 02-13-2007, 07:04 AM   #5
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Re: So Sad

she knows what she meant, and still means, to you. i truly believe that.

a lot of grief i believe comes from thinking you left things unsaid. if only you couldve said goodbye, if only you couldve hugged her one more time. but we dont get that choice im afraid, and maybe its best we dont.
if we did get that chance, it wouldnt make us miss them any less than we do. but its just the unfairness of it all. you werent ready to lose your mum. and of course, if we think rationally about it, we would never be ready.

when i lost my dad in '96, i was crushed, but when my mum went in '01, oh dear god, i had no idea what was coming.

damn, i have to go or i'll be late for the school run, but all my love to you again, and anytime you want to talk, i'll be checking in quite regularly.

((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) xxxxx

 
Old 02-13-2007, 05:28 PM   #6
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shell1 HB User
Re: So Sad

My mom had worn hearing aids since she was a child. The doctor messed up her ear drums with forceps. She could talk and she could hear okay with her hearing aids. And one of the last memories of her is her giving me the sign language sign I love you, and me and my daughter both gave it back to her. She had the oxygen mask on and couldn't talk. That is a nice memory and your right, had I had the chance to do those things. I would still feel just as sad as I do now. I guess it is hard to rationalize in the middle of it all. Thanks, it is getting just a little better everyday.

 
Old 02-14-2007, 01:08 AM   #7
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suziewoozie HB User
Re: So Sad

thats lovely, and its memories like that that will make you smile one day. i know at the moment they probably make you cry, but you're getting there ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

 
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