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Old 02-16-2007, 03:43 PM   #1
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terry111 HB User
Death of my mother almost 2 years ago

Almost 2 years ago, my mother died at age 54 suddenly. She was my best friend and mother. I was sooooo close to her I cannot even explain. Ever since she has gone, I have felt a disconnection to everyone and everything in the world and I really and truly think this all of the sudden had led me to anxiety. I can be fine waking up, then I get in the shower, think of her and cry. I will sit down at the computer and cry. I think of her constantly, in all that I do or don't do and I can't find any ways to get over it and on with life. I still cannot believe she isn't here with me. I feel much more lonely since she was the one I could talk to about any and all things in life. She was truly the only one who really cared about all those little things that go on. I don't even know how to live without her. I feel strange all the time. I feel like I'm this needy little child. I'm 29 and I should be able to handle this eventually. Does anyone have an experience like this and any ways to sort of "get a grip" and move on? I am not religious so none of that will help me. I just feel that she is gone, once she is gone, ya know... so it's so hard. I cry, I talk to a therapist, etc.. nothing seems to get it all out. I have two young children whom my mother LOVED like her own and she used to be here 3 days/week to visit me and the kids and she just loved her time here. It's hard when I see my kids grow and do new things and know that my mother has to miss all of this. It hurts sooo badly. My kids do something great and the first thing I think of is "I wish my mother could see this." Really, though, I should be praising my kids... I do, but it takes all my thoughts of my mother to come about first. I have had anxiety attacks lately and anxiety symptoms almost daily, like breathing trouble, heart palpitations, and other things. I wonder when all this will just STOP. I'm sick of living this way!

 
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Old 02-16-2007, 05:53 PM   #2
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Mommy0608 HB User
Re: Death of my mother almost 2 years ago

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my father in November. He was so much a part of my life and I am lost. I, too, am having anxiety attacks. I wish I had an answer but unfortunately, they are still working on mine. Please, see your doctor, explain your situation, and make sure they understand your need. The attacks are miserable and are starting to interfere with my life. Don't let it happen to you.

 
Old 03-15-2007, 11:04 AM   #3
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genenevee HB User
Re: Death of my mother almost 2 years ago

First off let me say I am sooo sorry for your loss. My mom passed away 9 months ago, she was just 60 years old and like your mom she was my best friend. In the beginning when people used to tell me its going to get harder I didnt think that was possible but it has gotten harder and I finally understand what they mean. I like you also have two kids and they were her world. My kids are just 7 and 5 and are probably not going to remember her, which is one of the hardest things for me to deal with. What I'm curious to know is this, not one day in 9 months has gone by that I haven't thought about her I know everyone is different but do you still think about your mom every single day. If yes how long do you think it will last.will it be forever? Not that I don't want to think about her, but somedays it really gets to me because I tend to think about the suffering she did for the last 3 months and it kills me.Thanks for listening.

 
Old 03-16-2007, 12:10 AM   #4
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Darlene-CA HB User
Re: Death of my mother almost 2 years ago

Hi,

I lost my Mom on Feb 7th of this year. I am absolutely devastated. She was my best friend. I, like you, talked to my Mom at least twice every day. We would talk about anything, everything, and nothing. We lived next door to eachother and I also have two daughters 9 and 13 that she was a part of their lives since the day they were born. There hasn't been a day in 40 years that I haven't talked to my Mom. I had a couple of messages of my Mom I had saved in my archive that I listen to just to hear her voice. I feel worse and cry more as every day passes. I still can not believe she is gone. I also keep remembering how she had suffered the last week of her life. It is all so awful. No one understands......I don't even share my feelings with anyone because I suppose they all assume life has gone on. Not for me, my life will never be the same without my Mom. I just miss her so much, I just want to talk to her one more time, one more hug, one more bit of advice. I know that no one will ever love me the way she did. I feel so empty and alone I just wonder when I will start to feel better. Everything makes me cry because we shared so many things that evrything reminds me of her. I know I am so blessed that I had such a wonderful Mom and we loved eachother so much, I just miss her......

 
Old 03-16-2007, 06:29 PM   #5
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scarletknight33 HB User
Re: Death of my mother almost 2 years ago

I'm 30 years old and my best friend passed away almost 2 years ago from advanced breast cancer. She was 28. I can definately empathize and relate to your situation. We too were very close and I miss her tremendously. Even though Kelly is not here physically, she will always be a part of me. Your mom is watching over you and your children. She does see them and you. It is normal to have crying spells and mixed emotions. Although it might not feel that way. It takes time because loss is an adjustment and the feeling of emptiness is just so painful. Maybe try talking to your mom. I talk to Kelly and just the idea of getting out some of my feelings does help. Also keep talking to us. I'll be here to listen, as I definately understand your situation. Hang in there.

 
Old 03-16-2007, 09:06 PM   #6
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sunshine149 HB User
Re: Death of my mother almost 2 years ago

I lost my mom on December 26, 2006. I think about her constantly. i just had an extensive crying jag, thinking about her and feeling sooooooo sad that I can't talk to her anymore. Sucks!!!! Sucks, suck, sucky!!

Cancer sucks, sucks big time!!!! She was 69 and I'll be 33 on Monday. I don't want to feel so crappy about losing her, but I don't want to miss her any less. How do we (I) reconcile THIS contradiction?

 
Old 03-17-2007, 02:09 AM   #7
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terry111 HB User
Re: Death of my mother almost 2 years ago

I think about my mom every single day and cry every single day. I know she is much more at peace and that is important to me. I know she was in too much pain while she was here. I know she would want me to be happy just as I wanted her to be happy and at peace. So I am just trying to realize that maybe there is a way for us both to have peace, just in different places. I know that's how it has to be. There's nothing anyone can do to change it, to bring her back, etc.. so for her and for myself, I have to enjoy the life I have here. I know that's what she'd want for me and I try. That's all I can really do. I have been having a problem with my own health lately... mainly this "air hunger" symptom out of nowhere and docs can't figure it out yet... I wonder if it has to do with built up anxiety/stress from the loss of my mother. Anyways, I just try to enjoy my own kids because I just never know when my or their time will come. I want to be sure they know I love them daily and just to be happy for as long as possible while here.

 
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