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Old 02-17-2007, 02:49 PM   #1
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Will it sink in..Long post

I am new to the grief and loss board...Here is a little of background about myself...I lost my mom April 2001..My father Feb 2006..I havent seem to grasp the fact that they r gone and not coming back..I have always had to b the stronge one and am feeling weak...I was 5 months pregnate with my daughter when my mom passed and had to b stronge for not only me but everyone else...By the time my father passed I was being stronge for both of my children as I now have 2... I have kinda put in the back of my mind that my parents went on vacation, even though they were not the vacationing type..I know NUTZ right??? Now I feel like I have to stay sronge for my kids as they r to young to understand death...I refuse to cry in front of them as kids have a way of thinking no matter what it is their fault their mother is sad and crying...My hubby really had no understanding of the death of a parent and so talking to him is like talking to a wall...He says get over it BUt HOW???
I have a twin who has abanded me since the death of our parents and I dont understand y..I feel likehalf of me has passed without her to talk to..I have an older sister who I am still in contact with but, I just cant open up to her and talk about my parents...I wouldnt go to my mothers grave after she passed becuz it jsut ddint seem right to c my fathers name on the adjoing headstone...Now I havent gone cuz I am in DENILE that they r gone..I have many a friends to talk with but none of them have lost a parent either so they really cant relate to me...I know I can never get over it but I have such a good way of occuping my mind with the kids that I dont have time to think of my parents...Now that I am falling apart I have like no clue what to do or even who to really talk to...Could someone give me some enlightment about this horrible situtation...It's would b much appericated

 
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Old 02-17-2007, 09:00 PM   #2
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Re: Will it sink in..Long post

Im struggling with the same thing. My dad passed Nov 29,1991. My mom passed Feb.18, 2006. It still doesnt seem real. I mean I know they are gone but I dont know how to actually let go. I dont want too.
I occupy all my time with my kids and everything else so I dont think so much about it.I still havent had my moms name taken off of certain things.I dont want to finalize it. Its still so hard without mom but I try to act as if she was still here. Im starting to have anxiety attacks and I believe its from not really greiving and letting go. I dont want too. I understand how you feel.I went and visited my mom and dads grave today.Its so hard to see both of their names on the headstone but I keep telling myself after all of these years they are finally together again.

 
Old 02-18-2007, 12:36 AM   #3
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Re: Will it sink in..Long post

restlessnheart,
You just have to let go and keeo reminding your self that your Mom and Dad are now together and that they are happy. Go to the Cemetary where they are buried and you might be surprised at how good it will make you feel after you go. Nobody wants to give up a loved one but thats something that we have all got to do at some time or another. I just lost my Dad in 2004, my sister in 2004, my brother-in-law in 2005 and then my Mom in 2006. My Mom was just not my Mom, she was my best friend. I could go to her for anything and I knew it wouldn't go no further and nowI can't do that and it's hard too. You have got to let go! That may sound mean, but I don't mean to be that way but as long as you try to hang on, you will never feel any better about it. Just Thankd God for the years that you had them with you.

God Bless,
Jan

 
Old 02-18-2007, 08:42 AM   #4
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restless_heart HB User
Re: Will it sink in..Long post

Quote:
Originally Posted by serinity View Post
Im struggling with the same thing. My dad passed Nov 29,1991. My mom passed Feb.18, 2006. It still doesnt seem real. I mean I know they are gone but I dont know how to actually let go. I dont want too.
I occupy all my time with my kids and everything else so I dont think so much about it.I still havent had my moms name taken off of certain things.I dont want to finalize it. Its still so hard without mom but I try to act as if she was still here. Im starting to have anxiety attacks and I believe its from not really greiving and letting go. I dont want too. I understand how you feel.I went and visited my mom and dads grave today.Its so hard to see both of their names on the headstone but I keep telling myself after all of these years they are finally together again.
I guess I too just dont want to let go....I need my parents and now I feel like I am an orphan due to their deaths...There was so much not said and now just dosent seem right talking to the air...I want them so bad to b here with me and help me with all the other strugles in my life...I will eventually go to the grave yard as u said it may actually help me in grieving for them..I guess when the time is right I will let go...I just dont feel its right now at this point...Eventaully I will

 
Old 02-18-2007, 08:44 AM   #5
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restless_heart HB User
Re: Will it sink in..Long post

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoyoteBound View Post
restlessnheart,
You just have to let go and keeo reminding your self that your Mom and Dad are now together and that they are happy. Go to the Cemetary where they are buried and you might be surprised at how good it will make you feel after you go. Nobody wants to give up a loved one but thats something that we have all got to do at some time or another. I just lost my Dad in 2004, my sister in 2004, my brother-in-law in 2005 and then my Mom in 2006. My Mom was just not my Mom, she was my best friend. I could go to her for anything and I knew it wouldn't go no further and nowI can't do that and it's hard too. You have got to let go! That may sound mean, but I don't mean to be that way but as long as you try to hang on, you will never feel any better about it. Just Thankd God for the years that you had them with you.

God Bless,
Jan
I know I will have to let go at some point...I also know they r happy together and with each other..My fear of letting go is that I will completly forget them and put it outta my mind...

 
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