Back in '98, I had met the woman of my dreams, seems she was actually my soulmate.
Brenda had a difficult life before she met me. In '97 she had her first amputation ( due to daibetes ), becomming very sick shortly after that it was found that she needed a Kidney Transplante. Back then not many were done so it was a huge battle with the insurance companys to get them to pay. After almost dying, the operation was approved. Her mother became her donor. She got 1 kidney and part of her moms pancrease, this made her no longer diabetic. Then in early '98 she got her second amputation.
I met her 2 weeks later.
Knowing all she had gone through in life it became apperent to me that she was, in fact, the strongest person Ive ever known.
In the 8 years we shared together, she was probably sick for at least, half of the time. I was always there for her, doing anything she needed.
Around Febuary of last year she began saying that she was getting pains just below her tummy and breathing hurt at times. Now, having so many outstanding doctorbills, it was very hard to get her to go when I felt it was needed. You didn't make brenda do anything, if you did, you paid.......
We thought it was cysts on her overys. After 2 months I was able to convince her to see a doctor. She didn't make that appointment.
I awoke on a Saturday morning with Brenda on the floor. She had messed all over, comming out both ends. I had enough. I called 911 and there were here within 3 minutes.
Having been through this many times before, I kept myself together the best I could and met them at the hospital. Brenda was in alot of pain and at first they were thinking her appendex had burst. The did some bloodwork and found that her blood sugar was 701.............
Brenda and I were both shocked.......
Now Brenda first became diabetic at age 7. The shots and tests HURT a little 7 year old, something she had never forgotten.
Now the hospital she was at wasn't a transplante hospital so they were working with the University Of Minnesota ( the place that did it ). We were surprised to learn that transplanted organs dont last forever. A battery of tests showed that her kidney was fine ( her jewel ) but the pancrease wasn't working anylonger. Brenda found that being diabetic now was a breeze.
after 8 days Brenda was sent home diabetic once again. Doing a followup on the discharge instructions, she was to contact the U of M for further tests if needed. She was asked if she had the ultrasound results.
apperently the U of M did ask the hospital to do an ultrasound but for whatever reason, they choose not to do so.
Brenda was very upset, to put it mildly. She made an appointment with her regular doctor to have this done. Like before, she didn't make the appointment.( sry cryin now )
5 days after being home she had to return to the hospital but this time we went to a hospital where she had her dialisis.
Again, her blood sugar's were out of control. She tested correctly and did what she needed to do but yet the sugars were out of control. Since the hospital had nothing to go on, they had to preform the same tests as the other hospilal did ( thus losing time ).
1 week went by and they still didn't know what was going on. She was sayin it was getting harder and harder to breath. Some tests results came in and it was found that some new high blood pressure medication that the other hospital gave here wasn't the correct medication for someone who has only one kidney. It had been distroyed inside her. Her tummy by this time had swelled, she looked 7 months pregnet. Her lungs started to give away, she now needed a mask to help her breath ( not a resperator but kinda like one ).
When more tests finally came in they felt her pancrease was the cause, it may have " died " inside her and that was the reason for the " infection." She was told, at this point, she had about a 10% chance to live if the pancrease was removed right now. She would have had to be on a resperator for at least 3 months while her lungs healed and dialsis again......... she choose to stop treatment......................
One the third day, everyone thinking she was already in a diabetic coma, I walked into the ICU ward, greeted her mom and just as I did, she opened her eyes and turned to me. Everyone in the room was white as a ghost. She removed her mask and tryed sayin something but all she could get out was she couldn't breath. I was still in shock because her eye color had changed from green to baby blue.....
I had about 3 minutes with her, telling her it was ok to go. That I loved her and to try and contact me from " the otherside." The pain took over and I had to hit the button for her.
2 days later she died before my eyes.................
I know she's better off now and without pain. What's sad is, an ultrasound may have prevented this. The cause of death was pancreatic cancer , something the ultrasound would have shown. She had a 3 week window then, enough time to remove it. Nobody can say for sure what she would have choose. She didn't know she had cancer................... All this happened 6 months ago and to me, it still feeling like yesterday.
I miss you and love you, Brenda ( Mine FweetIE )
Last edited by soulmateless; 02-20-2007 at 08:29 AM.
My heart goes out to you. Today it is 2 months since my mother passed of an infection related to a recurrence of lymphoma. Pancreatic cancer is an awful form of cancer. Impossible to fight. I'm so sorry that Brenda went through so much pain.
You have a wonderful bond with her and it hasn't ended.
Thanks for the reply, Sunshine. Below is something she posted to my gamming friends when she home from the first hospital. This is why its so hard for me now. Many times over the years when things got tough she just wanted to checkout. This was the first time I seen that " I wanna live " attitude from her, a welcome releaf.
Thanks for your Prayers, good wishes, and concern.
You are my 2nd favoritest guy on the web!!!
Both Chris and I feel close to you, like FAMILY!
Thank you!! You are a sweetheart....SERIOUSLY!
To the clan members who wished, and prayed for good news.........
MOSTLY you got it!!
My kidney is fine as can be!! Woo hoooooooo
But my pancreas they think, is dead!
So, now I'm diabetic, AGAIN!
If you didn't know, and want to... read on.......
I was diagnosed with diabetes at 7......
went till 35 and needed a kidney& pancreas transplant.
Got them from my mother, who couldn't stand to see me die.
transplant day..... the last day I was EVER gonna have to be diabetic!!!!!
Sicker than all get out, Chris called 911 on me! LOLOLOL
It was commin' out everywhere everytime I breathed!!!
Back to E R
That folks, was the end of my screwing around!
Did I really WANT to die???!
I thought I was gonna! NOW, I DON'T WANNAAAAAAAAAA
God Kicked me in the back of the head and said " Last Chance!"
Chris siad he'd do anything for me way back in '98...........
I needed his help desperately, and as always, he was right there holding my hand!
I guess he really does love me, huh??! lol
Anyway to make a VERY LONG rant into something you wanna read, I'll end this one!
Thank you all for your best wishes and PRAYERS!!
Oh..... in case you didn't get out of this rant...I'm diabetic again. lol