help me, mom is being mean/selfish cause father passed - Grief & Loss Message Board

SwiperDeFox · 02-20-2007, 11:07 PM

i need ANYONE'S advice (alot is helpful at this point). I lost my stepfather and my mother is acting crazy, doing things I cannot help her with, she's arguing with me, being negative at every hint of advice I give her, talking bad about me to her acquantances, calling me every 5 minutes saying the same thing over and over again which is, I just can't do this. someone please help, any advice will do.

NeedaHug · 02-21-2007, 03:41 AM

I lost my mum nearly 5 years ago now when i was 23 years old. The pain that you go through is horredous as you well know as you lost your step father also.

However, your mum lost her best mate, her heart and soul. Please try not to be angry with her. she's hurting inside and needs a bit of support as i'm sure you do. It is hard but she's your mum and loves you dearly.

She's not being selfish at all, she's hurt confused and angry at everyone in the whole world you are just the closest thing she has to vent her frustrations on.

Take care, it will get better i promise.
x

SwiperDeFox · 02-21-2007, 09:11 AM

thanks, it just seems very hard to be the person to have to do this, she has told me some mean ugly things like my stepfather is mad at me now and it just hurts. i'm trying to hang in there without hurting my small children, it's very hard not to snap at people for this.

THANKS FOR THE HELP, THAT REALLY WORKED FOR ME AND MADE ME THINK IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT!

NeedaHug · 02-22-2007, 03:41 AM

I'm sorry that you are going through something like that. My fiance's father passed away two years ago now and his step mother said the same to him, that he didn't care about his father, he was a horrid son etc etc.

What i said to him is that he should let what she says go over his head, in his heart he knew what he meant to his father.

you loved your step father as i'm sure he loved you, keep a hold of that and think about the good times you had.

X

B143C · 03-01-2007, 09:18 AM

Sometimes when we lose someone we care about, we tend to slip on remembering the feelings of the other's we care about that are still around. When my best friends dad passed away when we were teenagers. She totally lost it. Everyone else just disappeared it seemed. It was like she handled it by taking it out on everyone else. This stage passed. Everyone has that anger stage when something happens like this. It's not right - but it is normal. Perhaps, she's handling this the best way she knows how. It would help if you say in a nonjudging, unangry, sincere way " Mom, I can not imagine how it must feel to lose someone you love so much, but if you need someone I'm here and I love you. I don't know what to do, or what to say . . . but I promise you I'm going to pray!"

Take it a day at a time and don't let her get to you. No matter how horrible she is to you just keep saying things like this. It will be tough, but in the long run you'll be able to say I was strong enough and kind enough to be there for her when she was all but there for me.