My best friend passed away in June 2005 from advanced breast cancer. She was 28 years old at that time and she was initially diagnosed at the age of 25 shortly after her birthday. Unfortunately, this gene was in her family. Kelly was everything to me. I tried to take care of her, every doctor appointment, every surgery, every procedure, and every hospital stay, I was there. I was not going to leave her alone. I wanted and I tried to make it better for her. I wanted to save her from her pain, but I couldn't. I can remember one of the last conversations that we had where she asked me if she was dying and then in the next breath she thanked me for never leaving her. It was the hardest thing in the world watching the closest person to me become more sick and feeling so helpless. I function from day to day, but I have to admit it is more like existing than living. I]m scared what my life has become. I am hoping that other people might be able to relate and provide some suggestions.
Last edited by scarletknight33; 02-25-2007 at 03:30 PM.
Reason: spelling errors
You were the best thing that could of happened to her-think about it-you were with her for all the treatments,dr appts-you never left her side-you did all you could do and you made it easier for her. It is so hard to watch someone you love die-this happened to me and my siblings in July 2006-as we cared for our mom-she passed away from lung cancer...I've had my good and bad days since too! Take it day by day-look for a grieving/support group wher you live. My thoughts are with you! (((hugs))) cherie
First off I would like to say I am truly sorry for your loss. It's very hard to lose our closest friends and family. I think what you did was the sweetest thing anyone could do for another. You stuck by her side. If I was in her shoes, I would have to say that passing with a friend who loves you at your side makes the whole situaiton ten times better. Everyone needs to have a good friend like you by their side. I am sure she is watching over you and projecting you from harm. Just like you where, she is by your side now helping you out !
It's been swell, but the swelling's gone down.
I would be proud to have a friend like you. I know the loss of a close friend is devastating. I think you might consider some kind of counselling. I did the same thing when I lost my dad to a brain tumor. It really helped me deal with the whole situation.
I was a zombie for a year after my dad died, but time softens the loss. If it didn't we'd all be useless. Now that your friend is gone, you have a major hole in your life. There's no more spending time with your friend, and that space will need to be filled as time goes on.
I honor you for your treatment of your friend. The world needs more people like you.
Dear Scarlet, So very very sorry for your loss. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 4 yrs ago, and more than once have almost lost my life. I have tears in my eyes now, as I think about what you have been through. You were just what she needed, as she faced her battles. What a wonderful person, what a wonderful friend you have been. She had no choice but to face her disease, but you chose to stand by her, even through the most difficult time.
Having come very close to loosing my life, I have given alot of thought to the effect it would have on my family, husband and children. I would like to tell you that the most important thing for me was that they all go on and have wonderful and fulfilling lives..and I told each of them to remember me, keep me in their hearts..and in my honor..to live the best, best life they could.
I hope that you can find some peace,
I am here to listen, if you need to talk
Thanks to everyone for the support. I have not really spoken about my best friend's death and I am feeling more sad and crying more frequently as a result of the sharing. I don't know if I am prepared to deal with this right now. It seems like whenever this topic is thought of or spoken about, it is illiciting heightened sadness, guilt, and loneliness. I know that I have to deal with this, but I can't fall apart.
cjammom - Thanks. I was really touched after reading your reply. This disease really sucks. It robbed both Kelly and myself from so much. She didn't deserve what happened to her. Nobody deserves this. She didn't want to die. I didn't want her to die. We both knew and it just it that much worse. I jst can't talk about this. Thanks again for the reply.
Last edited by scarletknight33; 02-27-2007 at 05:49 PM.
I am still so angry at cancer! I am sorry that Kelly died, and I am sorry that you lost a dear friend. I agree with you...we have been robbed! Your life, and mine has been changed forever. This is what I call my "New Normal life". When we put our heads on our pillows to go to sleep at night...its just not the same, there are new thoughts and feelings that were never there before. Life is so very precious..but so very fragile.
I am sure that this is so painful for you, so cry if you need to, sometimes it can bring some relief.
Can you talk to someone? Is there someone who will hold you, and listen to you. When you are ready..it may help you feel better.
ps. we live so close to one another..i am reaching out over the bridge and giving you a big hug!