My son inlaw commited suicide last year leaving two small children.
I will never understand why he did it. From the outside he had a good life, good job,. But he was allways depressed.
I cant bear to think about him, and what do we tell the children when they are older?.I loved him like my own son and just feel so sad.Am crying now just thinking about him.Allso feel very angry for what he,s done to my daughter and the children.The eldest is five and she just knows her daddy is in heaven, but one day they will have to know the truth.
Anyway i cant really talk to anyone, have to be the strong one for family. So sorry for winging.
good morning Magiklady --- I am so sorry for your loss. My sister commited suicide 5 years ago. Her children were grown but still we all suffer. My 21 year old daughter passed in a tragic car accident almost 10 years ago. No children yet but married for ten months. Her husband was only 25. I have spent the last years taking care of his feelings and that of my other two daughters. This has brought me to almost the 10 year mark with no grief process for myself. Do what you can to ease the burden on your daughter BUT please ease your own also. I have often thought of what I would do if my son-in-law was the one who passed and I had my daughter's pain to deal with. I don't know what or how I woould handle it. There are noright and no wrong ways to grieve. It is all so very painful. My prayers are with you.
So sorry to hear about the pain and anger that you are experienicng. It is totally normal to feel that way. I don't see it as whinning or complaining. It is a necessary part of the healing process. I know that you need to be strong for your family; however, you need to also be able to talk and vent about your own feelings. Counsleing or a support group might help you to put things in prespective and help to give you some relief. The more that you hold onto these feelings, the more angry and depressed you are going to get and you are going to find that it will take its toll both physically and emotionally. Please keep talking to us as it really does help to just get it out.
Thank you for replying, Its nice to be able to put it into words.I cant understand the way i feel as he wasn,t my own flesh and blood, But over the last five years i lost my parents and a brother as well and allso had a stroke, so i think its all got a bit too much.And what i meant about telling the children was that one day they have to know that their daddy willingly left them.I will think about counciling maybe. My daughter wants to go and see a medium with me, but i dont feel i can handle that yet. Of course i will if thats what she wants. thank you for being so nice when you have your own pain to deal with.
good morning Magiklady----- I so understand about your fears of what to tell the children when they are a little older. In my mind and heart I believe honesty is the best way to go. You wouldn't want to tell them anything different and then as adults find out the truth. You and your daughter I feel will both benefit from counseling. Suicide is horrible to deal with as you well know. I would seek advise from a professional on how and when to tell the children. Oh how my heart goes out to you and your family. On the medium. I have seen a couple of psycics and each has mentioned my daughter's passing but in a different way. It's not out of the norm to want to seek answers from someone it is believed can see things clearly. I hope and pray that your daughter does not walk away more confused and with no more answers than she went into this with. It is so horrible how your mind runs and runs with unanswered questions. I know for I have beeen there.
Thank you so much, we are going to seek some counciling, then maybe when we are stronger go to see a medium. though not sure if we will get any answers.I just so much need to understand why he did it, but dont think i ever will.He was only 26 and such a lovely young man, it just makes no sense. I keep thinking back to when i last saw him, there were no signs that anything was desperetly wrong.Then he went in hospital for five days for depression, they discharged him and he did it that same evening. He died a horrible death and its hard to forget. I know with time it will get better and there was nothing we could have done to prevent it, believe me , that has gone through my mind, Anyway , I hope to talk to you again and wish you and your family peace and love
My brother commited suicide last year, 15/4/06 he seemed fine in himself, and there was no warning signs. I spoke to him on the phone in the morning, by the evening he was gone.
I don't think that we will ever know all the answers, or all the reasons behind why people commit suicide. To them it is obviously the only answer at that time in their lifes. We have to accept this, although i know it is near impossible to do so. I was angry with my brother for a long time for leaving me and my parents, and for hurting them in the worse way possible. Im realising he must have been hurting so badly, to do what he did, and now he is at peace, sitting on his cloud some place, with his mended wings. I am thinking of you and your family and hope with time, things get a little easier for you.
When my sister committed suicide it was a second attempt. She had been hospitalized for depression and from the time they sent her home she wanted to go back. I don't think any of will ever know the despair that they feel. My sister also died a horrible death. We just need to pray that they are now resting in peace, the peace they so obviously didn't have here. And those left behind need to do the best we can to live our lives and not let it prevent us from living fully. There are no words so I won't attempt any more. Know that my prayers are with all of you.
Thank you for your kind words. I know in time it will be better and i wish the same for you.
If we know they are at peace now then maybe we can find peace again.
What is the point in trying to find an answer to an impossible question.An answer only they know.
God bless .