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Old 03-28-2007, 06:37 AM   #1
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lostwanderer

Did your screen name use to be jeffs1fan4ever? If so , your the one who really touched my heart. I lost my mom Feb.18, 2006 to sclc.I buried her on the 28th. I use to read your postings when you were batteling this with your husband. I wondered what happen to you, and how you were, and how the boys were. Im so sorry your having such a rough time, I am too. Everyone keeps telling me to give it time, if one more person tells me that I think Im just gonna lose it. Ya know, until theyve traveled this road they just dont understand. Small cell is a beast, and I will never forget the way it took my mom. I like you, was there for everything. Every appt, all the chemo , radiation, brain surgery. I took care of her and I wish I still could. ( I know thats selfish). My mom would look to me for the answers and what should be done. She would tell the doctors "ask punkin", she knows whats best. And now, I wonder if I did. I wonder if I did everything possible that I could have done for her. I understand your pain.

My husband who is 34, is going for a ct scan. Im so worried. The doctor seems to think its emphysema, but in the back of my mind I wonder if it could be some type of lung cancer. He has all the symptoms my mom did except for low potassium. The cough, the back pain, and the horseness in his voice.I know your husband was young. Can I ask what his symptoms were?

Sending you (BIG HUGS) and please know you are not alone

 
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Old 03-29-2007, 04:45 AM   #2
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Re: lostwanderer

I can't believe you remember that. Yes it was. I've always been Jeffs biggest fan. I somehow lost the board and couldn't find it again.
I never imagined how hard things would be. sclc is the worst. They told him he only had a 5% survival rate.He always said he would beat those odds. It's the rarest and fastest growing lung cancer there is. He tried but he just couldn't do it. Every day has been a nightmare since. I never thought it was possible to miss someone this much. The first year after his death is fuzzy. I don't remember alot of it or what went on.
Everything you're going through is how I feel. You start to wonder if maybe you didn't do enough, or do something right.
My husband was 33. He didn't show alot of signs in the beginning. I know he coughed alot but he always did. When I saw him coughing up blood I told him he needed to go to the dr whether he liked it or not. A few days later he was having a physical for work done. They did a routine xray. It came back there was a spot on his lung, but the dr kept telling me.."oh hes so young, its probably just an infection" he was wrong. It was cancer. He had a biopsy to confirm it. It was sclc. He only lived 7 1/2 months after that. You're not being selfish, I feel the same way.
Sometimes there are no signs. He only had one. Just a cough. Low potassium didn't come until he was close to dieing.
I know I haven't been much help. But hugs back to you and I will be praying for you and him.

 
Old 03-29-2007, 09:18 AM   #3
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Re: lostwanderer

Thank you for your prayers, we need all we can get, I dont know what Id do if I had another cancer diagnoses. I wish there was something I could say to you to ease your pain, but I know theres nothing no one can say or do. Its like a process isnt it? So many emotions.They say there are stages of greif. I think Im still at the angry stage. I tell ya god must think I have broad shoulders. I tried to be strong for mom through everything and now a year later, my husband.I feel like gods putting to much on me. Not to mention Ive lost my dad too.
I know I have my children, and I thank god for the love we all share, I just want one more hug from mom. I know Im lucky to have had a mom like mine, and yes I have wonderful memories but that doesnt take place of our morning talks, our morning coffee, our morning hugs. Just the little things. Ya know? I know you do.

My daughters school just called, shes not feeling well so gotta run.
I pray you find peace

 
Old 03-30-2007, 12:47 PM   #4
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Re: lostwanderer

They say sometimes God brings us pain to bring us to Him. It says sometimes are loved ones are taken to prevent something horrible to that person. In my eyes I can't imagine what could be more horrible then cancer.They also say your time only comes when God says its time. I don't like God's timing and I'm sure you don't either. Its hard when you don't know the answers. You can ask yourself why a thousand times but it will never be answered.
Everyone keeps telling me the pain makes you stronger. Well I'm not sure how much more I can take.
I know what you mean. I know I have my kids, and I do love them but.......Its not the same as a husband, my best friend. Its a different kind of love and I will never have that again. I'm a widow for life and I wouldn't have it any other way. If I can't have Jeff's love then I don't want any.
Take care and God Bless

 
Old 04-12-2007, 07:37 AM   #5
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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Re: lostwanderer

Hi lostwanderer, I know how hard it can be. My wife died last year in an accident. I went to sleep with a wife and woke up a widower. I got to find her dead in my front yard. That is some tough stuff. I was left alone with two young children. We will wear ourselves out asking why. You must give it completely to God, and only then will your true healing begin. I am honored that he chose me to do such awesome work in. He truly has changed me. I would love to help you in any way I can.

Love in Christ

Jason

 
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getting sick of "it will get better" lostwanderer Grief & Loss 26 12-23-2007 02:29 PM




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