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Old 04-07-2007, 11:20 AM   #1
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Toffee1 HB User
Unhappy Really at a loss!!!



Hi I am really at a loss to know what to do.

I lost my dad, grandad, nan and auntie all over the last six years. I became very depressed and went onto anti-depressants and had two lots of counselling. However, none of these seemed to work as I could not be emotionally honest during the sessions and would save it all up to afterwards where I would just break down and cry. I felt so guilty for burdening my family and boyfriend now husband.

As the years went by I seemed to get slightly better and started to feel I was over the worse and at least living with the deaths. However, over the last few weeks I have just found myself crying and feeling very low and down for no particular reason. Everything else in my life is good and should be making me happy. I really can't explain why I am feeling like this.

I have been to the doctor and she is under the belief that it could still be linked with the bereavements, some issues that I haven't completely dealt with yet.

I really am at a loss to know where to go, what to do. I just want to move on and enjoy life and really am in despair.

 
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Old 04-07-2007, 11:35 AM   #2
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Re: Really at a loss!!!

Hi Toffee.........I also have suffered multiple losses in a short period of time. Dad, daughter, only sister, best friend, and both of my husband's parents who were like my own. It is very difficult to go on but we have know choice as you know. I have good days and bad but at times still feel locked into the grief. I did go into counseling which has been my saving grace. I am med sensitive so there is no med I can take without horrible side effects. That kind of left me on my own to deal with the grief. Bereavement has taken it's toll on my health in the past 5 years, I guess because I have alot bottled up. I have no words of wisdom but do offer you my support and prayers. Maybe try a grief group or a one on one counselor. Best of luck.


ICC

 
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Old 04-07-2007, 07:39 PM   #3
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Re: Really at a loss!!!

Hi Toffee,

I really have no words of wisdom. If I did I could cure myself. I lost my husband in Nov.2005. You search and search for the answers and can't seem to find them anywhere.
I took care of him while he was dying. He was 33. I have tried every med, counseling. Nothing works. The only thing that came out of this whole thing is I talk to people, friends and try to make them see you can't sweat over the little things. They will take care of themselves. My one friend who gets upset with her 4 year old won't stop laughing..I tell her..stop and listen. Just listen. Those moments you will never get back.
Grief is kind of like the falling snow. One minute its right there in your face...then summer comes and the warm sun feels so good. But before you know its over and the snow comes back, and it falls hard.
You have to take the good with the bad. You don't have a choice. If I could make it disappear for you I would, but I can't.
My husband was my best friend. The only thing that gets me through the day is knowing its one more day closer to seeing him. You have to pray and don't stop. My health is terrible , I cry every day and I've never been so alone in my whole life. I wish I had the answers for you. I will be praying for you.
God Bless........

 
Old 04-08-2007, 03:51 AM   #4
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Re: Really at a loss!!!

Thanks for all the support.

Maybe together we can find a way through our darkness hours. I think it does help in some way knowing that you are not alone and that there are others there.

I know at times I feel very guilty because my mum has lost all these people too but in some respects she has lost a lot more - both her parents and the love of her life. Sometimes I feel quite selfish and know I am just putting more burden on her.

I know they say time is a great healer. I will just have to wait and see.

 
Old 04-08-2007, 05:56 PM   #5
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cher1052 HB User
Re: Really at a loss!!!

Toffee1, Have you thought of approaching a church? Hospice works with several churches-all faiths in having greiving sessions. I know how your feeling-it's been about 9 mths since my mom died-and it's still hard for me-she was my best friend-the person I could always go to for help. I have siblings-but it's not the same. I can say that this message board helps me alot! Have a great day! Cherie

 
Old 04-09-2007, 02:18 PM   #6
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Re: Really at a loss!!!

Thanks for your kind sentiments.

At a time like this I really wish I could find comfort and strength through the church. Have faith but I have now - I don't seem to have any religious bone in my body. Quite often I envy those who do - they seem to be a lot more at peace.

 
Old 04-10-2007, 03:48 AM   #7
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Re: Really at a loss!!!

Good morning all........For some reson after my daughter passe dmy faith in God got stronger. I haven't been to church in years but talk to Him all the time. I don't think I would have survived her death, not that I have been in peace for the past 10 years, but He has helped me to go on in the best way I can. Out loved ones are with us always and anyone who says differently is wrong. We have a good day and a couple of bad. Time doesn't heal the wound in our hearts, but it does somehow make it easier to accept and find a place within ourselves to put our loss and learn to live with it.

Prayers,
ICC

 
Old 09-06-2008, 07:34 PM   #8
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Re: Really at a loss!!!

Dear Toffee,

I know what you are feeling, I to lost my husband who was my best friend. Times are tough and I am lonely. My children and grandchildren are good support. I belong to a bereavement group and it has helped me tremendously. I met other widows who are feeling the same pain as me. I have formed several friendships through this support group. I still cry daily. It has been a little over two years since I lost my husband to cancer. I know your pain and would encourage you to join a local support group if possible. Even though it will not take away your pain, it helps to know there are others going through the same grieveing process as you. I wish you the best.

My thoughts and prayers are with you,
blueeyes

 
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