Hello. This is my first time here, and i just wanted to have a moan really. I lost my husband very suddenly in july last year thro a coronary thrombosis (heart attack). He had just turned 47.Two months previously he had a full medical, and was declared very healthy, cholesterel level was 4.2. He ran and played football. Then one day, within 3 hrs of feeling ill, he was gone! I am so unhappy, but need to stay cheerfull for our young son, and its very hard. The other day i went to docs for my check up, and when he told me i was fit and healthy, with a C level of 4.2!!! i just broke down. Anyway, just wanted to tell my story to strangers, sometimes its easier than talking with family, sure they fed up of me moaning by now. Thank you for reading.
The following user gives a hug of support to Suse: Chiclet (11-06-2010)
The Following User Says Thank You to Suse For This Useful Post: Chiclet (11-06-2010)
((((Suse)))) I'm sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how devastated you were/are. Have you ever considered going to a grief group? I don't know exactly what they're called, but I know sometimes hospitals and other community places have them. Just talking about it in general I'm sure helps to release some of the grief and other emotions.
Thank you hun, no, not tried any groups as yet coz i dont wanna rip anyones head off as to how unfair life is coz it is huh? just needed somewhere to moan and found healthboard on ******. TY for replying
xxxxxxxx Suse xxxxxxxx
( i dont even know where to find this posting )
The following user gives a hug of support to Suse: Chiclet (11-06-2010)
My wife died last June in an accident. You are right, we have to choose to live or die. Your son already lost his father, he doesn't need to loose you too. No matter how much you loved your husband we have to move on and continue to live our lives. We just have to make the best of the life God has given us and continue on.
To jennifer, jason and sara, thank you for your kind words. It really does help to read them. Please carry on your good work in helping peeps thro the bad times. Reading what you have written brings home that its not just me that is hurting tho at times it feels like it, as i am sure it has for you all too. So ....... my thoughts are with you also
A lot of people have gone through this...its a part of life (the worst part). God choose me to go through this tough time so I intend to make the best of it. Helping others is one way I can honor him. No one said life is fair. This world is full of sin and is imperfect because of it. Our time on earth is only for a little while...our reward awaits us after that. I can't wait.
Hi, I'm a first time writer. I don't really know where to start. So here goes, has anyone out there lost a child to sudden death (from and unknown cause, or for any other reason?) I lost my daughter when she was almost 9 years old. She died at school, suddenly, from and "unknown cause" Some days I don't even know how to start the day. Help!
Wilder I am sorry for your loss. Not knowing what happened has to be a very hard thing to accept. I wish I had wise words for you but I can only say it has to be very difficult for you and the pain very great. I just lost my husband but years ago I lost a son and it nearly did me in. I thought I could not go on but I did the hole is always there for the loss of a child but you learn to live with it and go on somehow. At the time it happens it seems like you will never be ok again. I felt that way for a long time. Now I am grieving my husband. I hope healing comes to you and the pain lessens soon.
Sudden death has to be the worst. I just wish I had one more hello, one more goodbye, one more of anyhting. But as his sister tells me, casue I do taslk to her about it almost daily still, one more wouldnt have ever been enough. He was my best friend, next to my husband and my husbands best friend. He went on all our family outings with us, to my other kids(the ones that arent his) he was their uncle. Life does suck, and I still get all worked up and would like to hrut somebody. But there is nothin I can do, I try to journal, and I do wear a necklace with his ashes in it. He was my first love, and Im very lucky that I found my husband, without him I would have died if this wouldve happened a long time ago. Me and my current hubby have been together for ten years, and he knows Im still crying over ex's death, he still cries too.
Marshmallow, thank you for responding to me. After I wrote, I re-read it and I thought it would scare anyone away at a time when I was looking for just someone to hear me and respond. I know there is nothing to be said. I'm having a particularly hard time these past few days. I think it is because my oldest granddaughter started Kindergarden and it's bringing back a flood of memories. My daughter died at school, on the playground, walking with her friends and she just stopped, and died. Sometimes, I'm not even thinking of anything in particular and I just start crying. At times I think I can almost feel it coming on, but that's only looking back at the past few days and saying to myself that sometimes it just has to come out. That and looking back on my journal. I wrote recently that I feel like a fake. People see me as a different person than I see myself, but then the few people who know everything about me, love me anyway! I was blessed with the most wonderful husband 10 years ago. He had never been married and had no children and said to me that Wendy would be our child because she was always with us and the other kids would marry and move on but she would always be here. And for the first time in my life, someone is taking care of me. God gives and God takes away. I don't blame him but sometimes I wish I knew His plan, and wonder if I'm living up to His expectations of me. I do my best to be as happy as I can, and I know I'm more appreciative and in the moment than most people I know. I never take a day for granted and count my blessings daily.
Sometimes it just plain hurts more than I think I can stand, and then another day begins and my grandchildren walk through the door and I see their little faces and it's all OK. Or my husband can hear something in my voice, and next thing I know he's on the early train and says let's spend some time together.
See! I feel better already!
Thank you all for sharing your struggles. I think it helps us all who have lost loved ones to know we are not alone.
I know what you're going through. Lost both of my children in a car accident nearly 13 years ago. My daughter was 10, my son was 8. Sept 12th would have been my daughter's 23rd birthday.
Its a shock to the system, even under the "best" of circumstances (not that there really are any "best" circumstances). We never got to say that last goodbye before they were taken from us. Closure doesn't exist - there's only a point where things can't possibly get any worse.
After the deaths of my children, the entire world changed. My relationships with myself, family, friends, and society changed. I had gotten so used to my position as "Mom", I didn't know what else I should be. My identity was gone. Family and friends would tiptoe around me, afraid to trigger a crying spell, when that's just what I needed. People, as people do, would ask if I had any children and I never knew how to answer. To say "no" would negate my children's existence and to say "yes" would lead to all sorts of questions I really didn't want to go into.
Wilder, you're so blessed to have other children and now grandchildren. Grieve when you need to and wrap your arms around your children and grandchildren whenever you have the opportunity. Love and strength flows both ways, you know.
I was deeply moved when reading your post, Suse, and found the many responses very powerful. I lost my brother suddenly and so in some small way i can related to what you write. I too find everyone's contributions insightful and uplifting.
Sometimes I only write a few words, but even that seems to be enough to feel that i'm part of this collective grieving and mutual support. thanks everyone.
ANd yes I agree that it is so hard to lose someone so suddenly... not that there is a "good" time to lose them, but Ive lost several I loved, by the time I was 31, and I will say the "sudden and shocking" deaths were worse for sure.... It is so horrible and so unbelievable to see someone u love and then literally moments, or hours, later, they are just gone from this world.. It is just not comprehensible.
Jason, I appreciated your posts... God bless you, and I am so sorry for your loss as well.