| | sad and guilty ... my dad's gone!!
Hello there! I lost my dad too, actually last year (May 2006, he had lung cancer) and since then I changed a lot, I used to go out with my friends and suddenly stop going out with them. I just feel mad with myself for not saying goodbye, for not being there when he passed away, or simply when he need it me the most.
My parents actually were divorced (I was 2 yo, now 23), due to health circumstances. My dad was born with veins that were clog in his brain, and that turned in to a little knot that later on explode. Because of that, he had 2 surgeries, the 1st one (I wasnít even born) the Drs tolled my mom that it was a miracle that he was alive, and they didnít gave her much hope in his recuperation. But actually my dad surprise the Drs, he learn to walk & speak and return to his normal life. In the 2nd surgery (born already 1yo) the Drs were amazed with my dad because for this to happen 2 times itís a possibility between 1 in a million, he recuperate but lost his short term memory and had problems to walk with his right leg. This is the reason my parents split, Ďcause my mom couldnít take care of my father & me at the same time, & she had to choose; and choose she choose me.
My father return to lived with my grandpa, and thru the years I probably saw him 4 times; but still due to his conditions and not having us, my dad kept his humor, and his love thru the years for us; he never complain about anything; and now that I only had him with me only 9 months, I regret the time that didnít spend with him, because he was a unique, wonderful, loveable & caring person. My family says that the months that he spend with my mom and I, were the most amazing times he could ever have, he was happy 2 have his family again. Maybe thatís why I feel so mad with myself, have lost all this time without my dad, & growing up without him was hard!! What to do when u feel so guilty, & sad?