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Old 04-19-2007, 10:25 AM   #1
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Question How long until I can talk about my dad?

My dad passed away just over six years ago - I am not so sure that I have grieved for him properly as I lost three other people all close together so all my emotions and feelings got mixed up together. I really am at a loss to know when I will be able to talk about him - even with tears if that is all I can manage at the moment.

I hardly mention him or his name - dont discuss him much at all with family. I really want to keep his memory alive and when I eventually have children I really want to be in a position when I can talk to them about their grandad.

I really feel guilty and sad that I am not yet able to do that - I thought that after these years I would finally be at that stage - It makes me very down and depressed that I dont seem to have moved on at all in this respect. I am also very angry with myself.

 
Old 04-19-2007, 11:46 AM   #2
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Re: How long until I can talk about my dad?

You need to start talking today. Don't wait. And do it with other family members. They have stories to tell as well. I have just lost my mother and I am holding on to every tale and every story anyone tells about her because by doing that her spirit lives on.

If you need to, write it down. If you want to, have family members tell stories about your father so you can pass them along to your children. Let their memories become your memories as well.

There is so much joy in a life that it should be preserved.

Sara

 
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Old 04-19-2007, 12:10 PM   #3
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Re: How long until I can talk about my dad?

You must get out your feelings and emotions if you ever want the pain to lesson. Write in a journal. That is a way to let it out without having to talk to others as much. It helped me a lot. At the same time, you have to talk about it. Do not avoid your situation. God put you in this situation, now you have to deal with it. You cannot run away from grief. You must attack it head on. Deal with it now so you can move on and get out of your depression. It hurts like crazy but its the only way. I hit mine head on and now i'm on the other side of grief in only nine months. Everyone is different but you must work very hard at it. Give it to God...he will take it from you.

I will be praying for you
Jason

 
Old 04-25-2007, 10:01 AM   #4
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Re: How long until I can talk about my dad?

Thanks for all your kind comments.

My mum and I have both decided that we will get together and talk about the people we have lost especially my dad because she does not feel like she has grieved properly either.

We both realise that it is going to be very painful and hard for us both but it is something we really must do. I started writing a journal (but I wrote it to my dad telling him about things that I had done etc) about a year after he died and it did help a lot but I stopped writing it for some reason. It might be a good idea to write one maybe it will help me to then talk about what I have written and start me communicating about it. Using it as a prop and a starting point.

All the best.

 
Old 04-25-2007, 10:06 AM   #5
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Re: How long until I can talk about my dad?

One of my favorite memories was about a year after my Aunt Chrissy died. Chrissy was a pack rat. She kept everything. So one day, my cousins Sherry and Shirley came to the house with their mother, my mom's and Chrissy's sister, Doris and they started going through all the boxes of papers.

As eash letter was open and read and each picture was scrutanized, the group laughed and cried together. Some of the letters were about other uncles who had died, writing home during WWII to get money. She had a picture of my uncle Norm in a Zoot Suit. We had such a good time and at the same time we cried.

I can't tell you how wonderful all of that was. Talking helps. Telling stories helps. Laugh and cry. It will be really good for your soul.

Sara

 
Old 04-25-2007, 03:37 PM   #6
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Re: How long until I can talk about my dad?

toffee

I can relate to what you are saying. I lost my Dad ,then 6mos later my brother ,then a few weeks later my grandmother. I had a very difficult time talking about my brother. When his name was brought up I just blocked it out. It was too painfull for me to go there. It took 12 years! . . I do wish that I had gotten some kind of counseling . I don't know why all of a sudden it became easier ,but 12 years is way too long. I lost my mom 3 years ago and this time I knew what NOT to do and that was to push the grief away. Just knowing you are having a problem is half the battle. Good luck.....Kat

 
Old 06-05-2007, 03:18 AM   #7
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Re: How long until I can talk about my dad?

Toffee 1,dear toffee
my heart goes out to you and your mum things will get easier day by day one step at a time,iam expecting my dad to pass ant time now so i feel your pain,i lost mum when i was 5yrs old my brother at 29 years old-another brother 44yrs old-now my dad your not alone prayers to you both-it gets better.pam 83

 
Old 07-07-2007, 03:07 AM   #8
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Re: How long until I can talk about my dad?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kathryn+2 View Post
toffee

I can relate to what you are saying. I lost my Dad ,then 6mos later my brother ,then a few weeks later my grandmother. I had a very difficult time talking about my brother. When his name was brought up I just blocked it out. It was too painfull for me to go there. It took 12 years! . . I do wish that I had gotten some kind of counseling . I don't know why all of a sudden it became easier ,but 12 years is way too long. I lost my mom 3 years ago and this time I knew what NOT to do and that was to push the grief away. Just knowing you are having a problem is half the battle. Good luck.....Kat
Kathryn+2.
hi Kathryn i just finished reading your post and would like to say that our situation is similar we have coped when even others may have thought we would crumble,it took me 20years to put my brothers on my wall i believe we never really get over our loses we just learn to live with it?we need to stay strong but we musnt forget ourselfs along the way thats my thought
cheers pam 83.

 
Old 08-03-2007, 04:54 PM   #9
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Re: How long until I can talk about my dad?

These posts were good to read. I lost my mom, grandma, and great-grandma in 2002 within 3 months of each other. The month after, I had my second child. I wrapped myself up in my children that I don't think I grieved like I should. I have pictures of them on my wall and occasionally my children ask about them and I answer, but I still get choked up. I want them to know how special their grandmas were.
Jenn

 
Old 08-20-2007, 10:29 AM   #10
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Re: How long until I can talk about my dad?

As i read your message, i can relate. My father passed away almost a year ago, it will be a year on September 24. I have gone through the grieving all these past months and it was like a roller coaster of emotions. I had never experienced a loss of a parent and it completly devastated me. I can tell you that by dealing with my grief and educating myself on the symptoms, i have been able to cope as best as i can and help my family as well. Nevertheless, i am feeling the pain again, just when you think you have an understanding of the process, you are stunned at how painful it is. I was able to get free counseling from the local hospice right after my father's death , it helped so much to be able to express your feelings, understand the fact that grief to me was not only a pain in my heart but i also felt physically weak. I also encouraged myself and my family to FEEL, to CRY and to SHARE with my family. Everyone is different, it took me a while to understand that but with compassion, we can not only heal ourselves but heal others. I am working on healing my emotions and being patient with myself and eventually when i am healed, i would love to inspire others and help in any way i can. You are not alone, there are a lot of resources, support groups, family, friends, forums whatever works. I wish you the best, i feel your pain. In the grieving process, there no right or wrong, we just learn as we go and we become so much wiser, so much more compassionate. Love and Peace, Amy

 
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