Hold on to God with all you have. Yes, we have his promise that even though we die, we still live. So you see, we never really die. His promise really helped me in grieving my wife. Look at all the pain in this world that we must go through. Our loved ones get to go straight to God's kingdom and bypass all the pain. The bible tells us heaven is so awesome it is beyond our comprehension.
You have to let go of the guilt. You are here for a purpose. Enjoy everyday you have here. Live everyday for God. Look at all you have to look forward to whenever God calls you home
What an awesome reunion that will be.
I will pray for you.