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Old 05-04-2007, 12:20 PM   #1
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JDee77 HB User
Help for my brother

My brother lost his wife a little over 2 months ago and having a touch time. He's pretty down but has not had the "good cry" out yet, gets a little forgetful, not really eating well at all. The family wants to really be there for him but he kinda puts us off most of the time. I don't know what I can say to make a difference. He and his wife were together for over 12 years. What can I say to him? Has anyone been through something like this? I really want to understand what he's going through to be able to help him through this valley.

Last edited by JDee77; 05-04-2007 at 12:21 PM. Reason: rewording

 
Old 05-07-2007, 03:33 AM   #2
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Re: Help for my brother

My wife of 9 years died last June. I have been there. You need to encourage him to get his emotions out. To talk about it a lot. I found reading books to be of great help. The best book I found other than the bible, was "getting to the other side of grief, overcoming the loss of a spouse. I reread it several times and it helped. More than anything else, God and my church family helped me. No one can comfort like God can. I am happy to say I am out of the valley.

I will pray for your brother

Jason

 
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Old 05-07-2007, 05:05 PM   #3
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Re: Help for my brother

My father just lost my mother. They would have been married 60 years in August.

Nothing replaces the loss of a spouse. But he has to learn that she is still with him. My father does best when people aren't dwelling on the sadness of my mother dying. He doesn't do well when people come up and hug him or put their hands on him to say how sorry they are. He has even gotten to the point of avoiding people at church so they won't express their sorrow.

Your brother needs to be in grief counselling. He needs to feel that it's alright to cry if he needs to. My brother in law comes from a family where everyone has to be strong and no one is allowed to show any sort of emotion. He cried like a little kid at my mother's funeral because that's what we do.

Why not find out where the next Grief Counseling meeting is going to be held (call your local hospital) and take him. He may find it the right place to express how he is feeling.

It isn't going to be easy but he needs to know that he isn't alone and he needs to be able to embrace what has happened.

Sara

 
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