Re: Recently lost my 20 year old daughter.
I lost both my 8 y/o son and 10 y/o daughter in a car accident 12 years ago. It wasn't anyone's fault. There's nobody to blame. It was just one of those stupid things that happen.
You'll probably find that people in your life either don't want to hear about it or will tell you how you should be feeling ("aren't you over that yet?"). Find a safe place where you can talk about your loss - someone who will just listen. It's most likely what you need right now and what you'll need for some time to come.
You'll probably find that people can say seemingly insensitive or "stupid" things. They don't mean to hurt you. It's just that they don't know how to make you feel better (and they really do want to) and feel the need to say something... anything.
Take the time to grieve. If you feel like crying, then cry right then and there. Don't worry about what others might think. Do it. You need to. Make sure to take care of yourself. Watch your health and eat properly. Make sure your other children and spouse are doing the same.
Everyone grieves differently, so be there to listen to your family as well. If they won't discuss it with anyone, then suggest going to see a counselor. It's harmful to keep it bottled up. I'm living proof of that. It just comes back, sometimes years later, and bites you. Sometimes people act out, mostly out of pain, or anger, or a combination of both. Keep an eye out for this.
Holidays, birthdays and annivesary dates are going to be rough for everyone. Prepare yourself for this. Sometimes you might look towards that date for weeks with dread. Other times, it might sneak up on you. That's ok. Don't beat yourself up for not anticipating more pain. It's all part of the recovery process and, while we all go through the same stages, it's a different experience for everyone.
12 years later, it still hurts. I don't think the pain ever goes away, you just get used to it. But I can finally look back and remember the good times without it bringing up more pain. I can see something they would have really liked and smile at the thought of their reactions. Even though my children are gone, they're still part of who I am and a part of my life.
My thoughts are with you and your family. You're not alone in this.