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Old 05-04-2007, 04:52 PM   #1
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madeline1966 HB User
Unhappy Recently lost my 20 year old daughter.

My eldest daugher whilst involved in a road traffic accident and was killed on the 14th March. Struggling as I my emotions are up and down. Just wanted to speak to other mothers that have done through the same. Cant find any discussion forums! If any one can help that would be great.

Last edited by madeline1966; 05-04-2007 at 04:54 PM.

 
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Old 05-05-2007, 05:38 AM   #2
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Re: Recently lost my 20 year old daughter.

hi madeline..........i just posted under "6 years". please know that i am here for you and know your pain. it's hard for me to type as i just had shoulder surgery and am one handed. please read my other post and i will check in on you and we will "talk"


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Old 05-05-2007, 07:01 AM   #3
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Nyxie63 HB UserNyxie63 HB User
Re: Recently lost my 20 year old daughter.

Hi Madeline!

I lost both my 8 y/o son and 10 y/o daughter in a car accident 12 years ago. It wasn't anyone's fault. There's nobody to blame. It was just one of those stupid things that happen.

You'll probably find that people in your life either don't want to hear about it or will tell you how you should be feeling ("aren't you over that yet?"). Find a safe place where you can talk about your loss - someone who will just listen. It's most likely what you need right now and what you'll need for some time to come.

You'll probably find that people can say seemingly insensitive or "stupid" things. They don't mean to hurt you. It's just that they don't know how to make you feel better (and they really do want to) and feel the need to say something... anything.

Take the time to grieve. If you feel like crying, then cry right then and there. Don't worry about what others might think. Do it. You need to. Make sure to take care of yourself. Watch your health and eat properly. Make sure your other children and spouse are doing the same.

Everyone grieves differently, so be there to listen to your family as well. If they won't discuss it with anyone, then suggest going to see a counselor. It's harmful to keep it bottled up. I'm living proof of that. It just comes back, sometimes years later, and bites you. Sometimes people act out, mostly out of pain, or anger, or a combination of both. Keep an eye out for this.

Holidays, birthdays and annivesary dates are going to be rough for everyone. Prepare yourself for this. Sometimes you might look towards that date for weeks with dread. Other times, it might sneak up on you. That's ok. Don't beat yourself up for not anticipating more pain. It's all part of the recovery process and, while we all go through the same stages, it's a different experience for everyone.

12 years later, it still hurts. I don't think the pain ever goes away, you just get used to it. But I can finally look back and remember the good times without it bringing up more pain. I can see something they would have really liked and smile at the thought of their reactions. Even though my children are gone, they're still part of who I am and a part of my life.

My thoughts are with you and your family. You're not alone in this.

 
Old 05-05-2007, 09:07 AM   #4
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Re: Recently lost my 20 year old daughter.

nyxie----you have put it beautifully.


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Old 05-17-2007, 08:57 AM   #5
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annette40 HB User
Re: Recently lost my 20 year old daughter.

I, too, am struggling on this new road. I lost my 47 year old son. He was riding his motorcycle and a car pulled out in front of him from a side street. I was at his house waiting for him to come home as we were going to watch a movie and eat chinese food. His girlfriend, their 3 year old daughter and his girlfriends 16 year old son were all there. The call from the hospital came and Jodi and I rushed to the trauma center. Mike lived 4 hours. Oh, he was so broken up. But I am so glad I was able to see him a couple of times before he died and was able to spend 10 minutes or so with him after he died. The waves of pain just wash over me at times and the I can't breath. I do understand how you are feeling. I think the suddeness of their leaving hurts so much. We have so many things we want to say. Please just give me 10 minutes with him so I can tell him how much I love him and how proud I am of him. I know you feel the same. It has been a month. Now most people don't want to talk about it and that is all I want to do. I am so glad I found this board, hopefully we can help each other along this new, unwanted, journey.

 
Old 05-18-2007, 05:27 AM   #6
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Re: Recently lost my 20 year old daughter.

(((((( Annette ))))))) I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. Yes, this is a difficult road to walk, but with help, we can make it. I hope you're close to your son's girlfriend. You'll all need one another during this time and beyond.

Please read my post to Madeline on this thread. It gives a few tips on how to cope and things to watch out for. Also, please pay attention especially to the "acting out" in regards to your granddaughter and Jodi's son. Sometimes children don't know how to express what they're feeling and will start acting out in frustration. This could happen now or farther into the future. If they show any signs of acting out, or won't talk/find it difficult to express themselves, then please get them to a counselor (this applies to you and Jodi as well).

My heart and thoughts go out to you all. Know that you're not alone.

 
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