My dad has been doing pretty well considering that it's just been a month since my mom passed. We were talking on the phone last night about how things were going with work for me and life in general for him.
He starting talking about how many memorial cards he had recieved from my parents church where people had contributed money in my mom's name. He had recieved another 6 or so that day and he was really surprised at how many people had done this. We started talking about how many people really loved my mother and how many lives she had touched. And then we started crying again. He said that when all of the insurance was paid, that he would contribute a thousand dollars to the church in her name.
And we cried again.
I know he misses her and I know how much he loved her. I wish I could help him but I am crying along with him. After 59 years of marriage its got to be hard to be alone. I am going to see him Memorial Day weekend and Labor Day. My younger sister is going to come for Father's Day and then he is going to my older sister's for his birthday in July.
I just needed to talk about this. I miss her so much. A friend sent me a picture of her with my dad and I broke out crying. She was so alive and happy in that picture. That's the way I want to remember her.
I'm also dealing with the same situation.. My mom passed away Dec 19, 2006 it was soo fast.. My dad is totally lost they were married 45 yrs he lost his best friend, he is out of work and on anti depressant meds. Even though the pain will never go away, i hope he will soon find peace.. We talk all the time about my mom, she was a wonderful woman (my best friend).. Sometimes i still cant believe she's gone.. But i always tell my dad she will be waiting for us at the gate when its our time to go...It puts a smile on his face.. Your dad will get through this and your family as i said the pain will take a long time to go away and might not fully go away.. but life goes on and one day we will all be together again...
Sara, Those tears are helping not only your father but you so much! It was the same way here when my mom passed away. And tears still come...all I can say is let them come-and be sure to talk about her and all her 'ways' of doing things! Peace, Cherie
I often thought of what would happen when the time came for 1 of my parents to die. They were still so in love after 56 years of marriage I couldnt even imagine one doing without the other. Last year lung cancer took both of them 5 days apart. It was so,and still is very hard to have lost them both at the same time, but not having to watch one of them go on in the absence of the other is a small blessing. I am so sorry about your mother and I cant even imagine what your dad is going through. I hope you both find comfort and peace.
Thanks Sara for your useful advice: I'm really sorry that you went through the same thing recently. It must have been extra hard on your dad though: seeing my father's love and devotion to my mother, I especially feel for your dad.
I was thinking of getting help professionally already, but because I live such an international life and my roots being in Mauritius, Africa, things are very complicated...I had to travel back and forth between 3 countries when my mother fell sick, which made me "lose work time": South Korean laws differ widely from my country's or the US. Holidays are not heard of in Korea: a local contract means 5 days off, paid or unpaid, plus public holidays.
Anyway, everything you said made perfect sense, and I know, my father's mental and physical health comes first, that's why I had planned things as you suggested already. But he is not at home here in Korea where people barely speak any english.
However, things are looking up: I have been approached by another fashion company (with help from friends acting behind my back) and will be having a meeting with the Manager next week.
As soon as I have a moment, I will seek help. And in the meantime, I'm doing the best I can to protect my dad and have him lead a more active/social life.
I understand exactly what you mean. Some part of your life has to be "normal" so you can deal with everything else. If everything is in chaos then nothing seems to come together.
I feel for your father. Not only in a foreign country but then not to have friends to talk to. It has to be extremely hard on him. He is totally isolated and he is afraid for you and for himself. Sometimes I wish I could wrap my dad up in bubble wrap to keep him safe. I think your dad would want to do the same to you. He lost his wife. He doesn't want to lose his daughter.
You are doing well. Depend on your friends and family now.