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Old 05-12-2007, 02:06 AM   #1
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Abnormal grief reaction - anyone ever heard of it?

Hi people; I was diagnosed with 'abnormal grief reaction' some years ago and since then have NEVER come across anyone who'd ever heard of it. I'd be very interested to know has anyone here ever experienced it, or known anyone else who has?

The symptoms have abated over the years, but never fully gone away. It'd be nice to know I wasnt the only person I'd ever heard of to suffer this!

 
Old 05-12-2007, 04:48 AM   #2
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Re: Abnormal grief reaction - anyone ever heard of it?

Dear Laylah, are they talking about the sort where it goes on too long, or the sort that is delayed and doesn't get going? I have a friend who was a widow. When she got together with her partner and they had a baby, post natal depression hit, but it brought up such a lot of guilt about her deceased husband, that she was essentially told that she had "delayed atypical grief disorder". Apparently she hadn't processed his death properly at the 'normal' grieving time and it caught up with her. She was quite ill for a long while and had lots of counselling. She said she knew after this happened that she was abnormally calm at her husband's death, but as the couple of years passed, thought shehad gone through it. She was sad then, but I guess she wasn't deeply grieving or anything. when it did hit, she had all the guilt build up about being 'unfeeling' all that time.

 
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Old 05-13-2007, 05:44 AM   #3
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Re: Abnormal grief reaction - anyone ever heard of it?

Thanks Sera. The way the doctor described it to me, she said that people who are affected by it have become stuck in the greiving process somewhere before the stage of acceptance. In my case, I think there was just too much to process. Between '00 and '02 I lost three people I dearly loved, they were my best friend (since childhood), my first love (with whom I had always remained close and fond) and my sons father. (He was the man I raised my son with, we always referred to him as his dad, and he was his dad, in ever way that mattered)

My best friend hung herself in the woods and my former lovers both died as a result of heroin. I dont think I'll ever get over the grief, honestly, I think it'll always be there. Some things you just dont get over, you just have to live with them. I wonder though, does this attitude of mine towards the liklihood of the longevity of the grief actually encourage the disorder to hang around in my mind? Maybe it does...

It is a horrible way to feel. There are days I cannot walk down a tree lined street without picking out each trees lowest hanging branch and think; "If that had been the tree, that would have been the branch", and numerous other awful morbid thoughts. It's been five years now since the latest death, and I just wish these thoughts would f--k off out of my head..

Last edited by Laylah; 05-13-2007 at 05:53 AM.

 
Old 05-13-2007, 06:14 AM   #4
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Re: Abnormal grief reaction - anyone ever heard of it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
It is a horrible way to feel. There are days I cannot walk down a tree lined street without picking out each trees lowest hanging branch and think; "If that had been the tree, that would have been the branch", and numerous other awful morbid thoughts. It's been five years now since the latest death, and I just wish these thoughts would f--k off out of my head..
I really think that a lot of that stuff NEVER goes away, you just learn to live your life around it. Five years is not all that long in the grieving scheme of things, (tho it may seem a lifetime to you), and they were all such awful deaths for anyone to try to get over. That DOES make a difference, and suicide is the worst of all. My husband's cousin hanged himself at the age of 19 and his younger sister didn't leave the house for the next seven years, such was her grief and trauma. I am not trying to compare yours etc , but just say that you may still have a way to go on your journey to the acceptance of these deaths. Do not let anyone tell you that you are taking too long, you are living your life, and functioning pretty well, so your grief will process in its own time.

 
Old 05-15-2007, 01:48 PM   #5
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Re: Abnormal grief reaction - anyone ever heard of it?

Thank you Sera, I do have to say that, luckily, it's a lot better now than it first was. I did feel like I was having some sort of breakdown at the time, but I still managed to keep my head above water in the important areas of my life. I guess all anyone can do is keep going.

The wierd thing was being diagnosed with this disorder that I'd never heard of until the day I was diagnosed with it! It was a relief in it's own way though, to know that there was actually a name for what was going on in my head. If I'd have had to put a label on it myself I'd have just called it crazy!

 
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