Hi Megan. I'm new here too. This is actually my first post, but when I read your's I felt like it was me 13 years ago. My mother died from breast cancer when I was 14. I am now 35.
The best advice I can give you is to let yourself grieve. You have to remember, you were a child when your mom died. You grieved as a child or perhaps never really grieved at all. Now you're an adult with new understandings about life, and new experiences. It's totally natural that you would want guidance from the most influencial person in any woman's life; your mother. You are at an age where so much begins to happen. Changes and events that are exciting, scary, hurtful etc. You need to learn how to cope with her death in a whole new way and it won't be a fast lesson. Whatever else it is you need to work on just might need to wait for awhile until you can start dealing with your loss at a different level. I strongly suggest talking to a professional or joining a group if you haven't already. This forum is a great start!
I started therapy when I was around your age and it helped me a lot. I won't say it took my pain away but it helped me cope a little better. Every life-changing event I've had (major and minor) has reminded me of how much I miss my mother- graduations, breakups,getting married, trying to get pregnant (we had trouble), having my babies, and now parenting and knowing they will never meet her (here on earth at least
). It's hard and it sucks but it's a reality and you really do learn to deal with it.
I will never stop missing my mom. There will always be trials for me to bear where I will grieve her loss all over again. I will let myself grieve because it's what I need to do to get me through, and that's okay.
There is no time limit on grief and everyone is different. Find some help and let yourself miss her. It will not take over your life but help give you more control. Then you can focus on your other relationships. Perhaps your grief will help you figure out others issues in your life. I hope I helped you. Just know you're not alone and you are stronger than you probably realize. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
God bless,
Jess
