Hi really need some help - just crying out for it. I just dont know what to do. I keep being told I need to talk about it, open up but how do I do that when I just seem to be surpressing the grief in one instance and letting it out by crying and sobbing and breaking down in the other.
I just feel like I am losing control completely - myself is disappearing rapidly. The pain is getting more and more intense, the crying is getting more and more frequent and the low moods are happening with more frequency.
I just block it and put a wall up - I just cant seem to speak honestly and let myself grieve. I just feel guilty to move on or enjoy myself.
Maybe you'd feel more comfortable talking with a grief counselor. Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you know won't be hurt or saddened by what you're going through, rather than with family or friends. You would also be able to learn coping techniques that work for you as well as learning to talk about it in a safe, caring environment. If you don't know how to start, the counselors are well versed in gently asking questions to get you started.
I fully understand putting up the wall. Did it for 4 years before it came back and bit me... hard! Cry when you need to. And talk! You need to get it out.
Regarding the guilt: How can we honor those who have passed if we give up on our own lives? They'd want us to live, not spend the rest of our lives grieving for them.
Please take care and keep us posted. You're not alone.
I've recently started dealing with some delayed grief from the loss of my mother when I was 10. I'm now 22 and really hurting. I know how hard it can be to open up and talk to someone, let alone cry infront of them. I've spent many a night/day crying by myself. If it's too hard to open up to a councilor yet, I would suggest writing an online journal. I've had one for a little over a year, and i've found that I feel a whole lot better when I get some of those thoughts gathered onto it. Much like writing in a journal, but instead, what you write is legable when you want to go back and read it, and if there are friends or family that you want to share with but have a hard time talking to, they can read it and understand a little bit of what youre feeling....or not at all if you want to keep it to yourself. Try gathering your thoughts there, perhaps that would relieve some anxiety of getting it out to a friend or councilor.
Hope it helps,
Last edited by brewtown_ska; 05-15-2007 at 01:57 PM.
I would seriously consider professional counseling. Grief counseling is good but it sounds like you may have other issues beside just grief. I know it isn't easy but a good therapist can change your world. Their job is to listen and help you deal with your sadness. Please consider it.
i lost my dad a yr ago march and went into a deep depression over it.im getting better now but i still hurt n cry alot tryed cousling and they wanna throw by polor off in it somthing i know by GODS grace iam not i found that talking to my hubby when the pain is so bad that i want to hit anyone that gets in my way helps and also i talk to my pastor alot hang in there hun it will get better if you need to cry then cry and yell if thats what ya need to do death is one of the hardest things to cope with my prayers are with you and if you need to talk iam here if you need to be blessed sis my prayers are with you always
Last edited by moderator2; 05-15-2007 at 06:42 PM.
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Toffee1, know that you are not alone. I went through the same things you are going through. The pain does lesson. Things get better. As others have mentioned, writing a journal and counseling are two good ways of working through grief. I did both. I even picked a person I trusted to read my journal as this was easier than talking to them directly about things.
The number one way to get through grief other than giving it to God is getting it out. The more you get it out, the more you deal with it head on, the faster your healing will take place. Supress the pain and it will stay with you forever.
You have to go through grief. Why not deal with it and be done with it. My wife died last June and God has already healed me. I think this is an unusually short period of time but anything is possible with God. Ask him for his help.
Thank you everybody for your wonderful replies. I got myself a book to start writing a journal but as yet have not written anything in it - I seem to find that when I am feeling certain things I am not in a position to be able to write them down and when I come to do it later - I dont remember exactly what I was feeling at that time but I will try to do that more definitely.
I think with counselling because I have tried a couple of times and have not found the right person then I am just anxious about not finding them again and a bit sceptical about it not working again.
But I know you are all right I do need to get it out I just need to find the right outlet for me that works and as yet I am not sure what that is.
Finding the right therapist isn't easy but once you find that person things will fall into place.
Writing is good. If you don't want to put it into a journal, open up Word and type until you have nothing left to say. It doesn't have to be a great literary piece, in fact most of mine are just thoughts and feelings that seem to ramble on, but for some reason, putting it out there really helps you work through issues.