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Old 05-21-2007, 09:16 AM   #1
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violaroses HB User
mad at my mom who is left behind : (

i love my parents soo much. we were always there for each other. always. joined by the hip, i guess. My dh didnt mind because they were good people. my girls saw my dad twice a day to help me out. he suddenly had a very painful and quick dealth of cancer. it litteraly has broken my heart/

my mom, i thought she was joking, the day after, she said i need another man., then she put everything in her name, really wasnt grieving because she was so busy with paperwork, then she got rid of all of my dads things. ( i was able to take what i wanted) and had them auctioned to help live on.
and then has been looking on the internet for a man.

she met one of course, and has said harsh things to me when i objected to the man living 3 hours away, and the conditions he lived in, his dog kills cats, and she has 2 cats. well anyways, my dh and i felt like we were hit by a 2by4 by how quic k everything took place.

i am happy she is happy, i dont want anything health wise to go wrong with the man she is seeing, i am happy she isnt lonely, but she is abandoning us, her only grandkids. i feel like i lost both of my parents. i have to put my 9 year old in counseling , me too. i just loved what we had. i have to grow up. i am/ spiritually too. but i miss my dad soo much. i go to my parents house to feed moms cats daily and i feel my dad. i dont want mom to sell the hosue./

 
Old 05-21-2007, 09:36 AM   #2
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Re: mad at my mom who is left behind : (

Don't me mad at your mom. She has to go on living. Other than God she has to take care of herself right now. There is no right or wrong amount of time to grieve. Only she can make those decisions. I am sure it is hard for you to see her with someone else but thats part of your grieving process as well. Your mom didn't ask for this situation. She is just trying to do the best she can with what God has given her. I remarried seven months after my wife died. A lot of my family didn't take it to well but sometimes God's timeing is different than our own. Things don't always work out like we want them to. I didn't ask for my first wife to die. I hurt 1000 times worse than I ever had before in my life, but God healed me and brought a beautiful person into my life. Should I have not married because it would make other people uncomfortable or hurt them? I was going to wait a year than decided I had to make my own decisions because it was my life. I couldn't be more happy and I am so glad I chose to live for me.

 
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Old 05-21-2007, 11:00 AM   #3
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Re: mad at my mom who is left behind : (

I am sorry for your loss...
we all have to grieve in our own way....

my husband has lung cancer and was given about 6mo..this was 2 mo ago....
he is not doing well...

I know that some people find it hard to go through things and discard them...and they still have everything years and years later...
I already know that I will want to get rid of most of it soon after he passes...I dont need/want the constant reminders...I would honestly like to get rid of a lot of them now so it would feel more like "spring cleaning" than what it really is...I know it will be much harder to do this later...I have already started making mental notes on what I am going to do with certain things....

like jason said...dont be mad at her...she is doing what she needs to do....
I know it is hard...but it really doesnt mean she loved him any less

good luck and best wishes to you....

 
Old 05-21-2007, 11:21 AM   #4
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Re: mad at my mom who is left behind : (

People do weird things when they are grieving. This relationship may not last but it is getting her through. I have a friend who's father went out and married withing 6 weeks of losing his wife because he couldn't stand to be alone. He was totally lost. He married and within a few years was divorced.

She is working out her sorrow. Not in the best way possible but this is something she has to do. And it isn't what you would have wanted for her but she is going to find out soon enough.

Sara

 
Old 05-22-2007, 09:04 AM   #5
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violaroses HB User
Re: mad at my mom who is left behind : (

thanks for answering. i am still grieving hard for my dad.
i used to hold his hand. we were the best of friends. we would laugh all the time. he told the best of jokes. - funny clean jokes, or over your head jokes where half the time people didnt know if he was joking or telling the truth. we were serious too in our conversations. deep, politicial,
i miss him.

jason, i have read about your grieving process and how hard you suffered. (()) so I know u have love for your 1st wife. u talked about objection- was it from your children? or relatives on your wifes side?
i hope you dont distance yourself from them because you guys dont see eye to eye.
i want my mom happy, i dont want her to end the relationship with the guy she is with. i am still 100% frustrated with the mess that has resulted. the guy she is with is a walking time bomb of dying right now, and i pray he makes it to his may 29 when the dr.s can help him. thanks for listening.

 
Old 05-23-2007, 04:13 AM   #6
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Re: mad at my mom who is left behind : (

There was objection from her side and my family. My kids were fine with it as they are still pretty young. My family loved my wife so it was hard for them to see me with someone else. Her family, understandably had a very hard time with it. Time has helped a lot. I think I was forced to grieve because my life was immediately changed. Others delayed their grief because they could. I relied on God a lot and that helped me so much. I will pray for you.

 
Old 05-28-2007, 11:18 AM   #7
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Re: mad at my mom who is left behind : (

i am not mad at my mom anymore. i write because i need to get it out. i cant lie, it was really anger i faced, and not just directed at her, just my mood. its not my personality to be mad and have anger. i didnt like the feeling at all, i guess it was just part of the grieving process.

i worry about my mom, it made me sad to hear about her living conditon, and her accecpting it. she lived in the end of the depression and had no toilet or running water as a child (fasicinating) . and thats how she has been living thus far being with this man.

 
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