My father died on April 6, 2007 - He had Senile Dementia- but had several strokes and finally died. Did not suffer long November to April. But the loss was devestating to me. I lost my Dad. I have five brothers and I was his youngest and only little girl. When me and my Mom went through his wallet - he had a picture of me - every single year of my life - 38 of them. She said that I was the love of his life. The day before he died - he was almost comatose - but I kept saying "Daddy" to him and he looked right at me and said - "Loretta - my baby girl - I love you" - God what a precious gift. I was the only one he responded to. I miss him and my loss is intense.
But.......my question is - my Mom is having a horrible time with this. They were together for 54 years. I mean I lost my Dad - she lost the partner she built a life with - her lover - the one she had 6 kids with - the one that went through life struggles with - the one that she loved forever. She talks to me about it and I listen - but I don't know what to say to her. I don't know how to comfort her. She told me the other day that she prays every night that he would visit her - she said she wouldn't be scared - she would just love to see him. She has his cell phone - so I told her - call it - listen to his voice - I don't know if that was good advice or not. The doctors say it takes time - but - I don't know what to do. She cries all the time and is so depressed. They just put her on medicine for depression - but I don't know that it will help all that much.
Any advice for how to comfort her - to help her. With fathers day coming up - it is gonna kill her. We use to have huge BBQ's with them and now - well - I don't know what we are gonna do. If anyone knows someway I can help her - please let me know. Thanks.
It's good that your Mom's talking about her pain and you're there to listen. That's a huge help right there. As much as you want to make her feel better, there really isn't a way to do that. Grief is a process and it needs to run its course. It's been less than 2 months since your Dad died and it's still fresh for everyone.
Maybe you could try to get Mom out more. Is she involved in a church or seniors group? See if there's a widow's support group in your area, the local hospital might know. She may not want to go at first, but it would be good for her to talk to other people and just get out of the house.
Father's Day is going to be rough for your whole family. Talk to your Mom and brothers about having that BBQ anyway, as a way to honor your Father's memory. Yes, there will be tears. But there will also be the knowledge and comfort that you're all there for each other. Everyone will feel his absence, but you'll all also be able to feel his spirit. You and your brothers are your parent's legacy. Be proud of that and celebrate it together.
My dad lost my mother Easter Sunday. She died in her sleep. There was no time to prepare for what was going to happen. No advanced warning. Mother's Day was hard. I think my sister's and I just stayed at home. My dad didn't go to church. We were grieving.
My parents had been married 59 years. My father had dated my mother since junior high and they lived next door to each other. I was home over the weekend and the house is so empty without her.
Is your mother someone who has a social life? Does she do volunteer work? I think that is what has saved my dad. He does volunteer work at the hospital. He plays golf three days a week with all of his old friends, and he is involved with his church. Without that, he would be in much worse shape.
Your mom needs a schedule. She needs to get out of the house and start doing things. She needs to be talking to other people about things besides her loss. If she doesn't have a dog or a cat, she needs one of those as well. A pet will help her because she will have something else to take care of.
Thanks Sara: My Mom does have a dog - but she isn't in the best of health either - but I am trying my best to get her out and about. Planted a bunch of flowers in her front yard with her the other day and told her - she had to keep these watered.
My daughter - who is 9 - tomorrow is her last day of school - so it will be nice for all of us to get out and do stuff together.
It is sad seeing her go through all this. I have been with my husband 20 years - can't imagine being without him. Something I guess we take for granted and yet it happens everyday - your spouse is just gone.
That is what makes it hard - I lost my Dad - that is hard for me - but she lost so much more in such a different way.
Get her involved in something where she is talking to people who are not family. She needs to get into a routine where she is needed in other places. Don't let her sit at home and just mope about.
There are going to be times for tears. There are going to be times for memories. She should be telling you and your daughter stories of what it was like being a young bride and having children. These are the stories that your daughter can tell her children. Family stories need to be kept alive.
And know that I am going through exactly what you are. Yesterday was not a good day for me. I cried most of the morning away and I was at work. But I keep going to work knowing that I need this.