my daughter left home four years ago, and we have not seen her or heard her voice since. she does email us, and from this we know that she is ok, married in fact, and insisting that she is happy. but she has had no real contact with myself, her father, or three lovely sisters for so long. i get so depressed, what i feel is loss but it is difficult to express. how does one cope with losing someone who does not want to be found.
There are reasons why people don't want contact. Why did she leave? What was going on at the time? Some people find relationships with their families to be too hard to maintain. Some people have bad memories of their families and they want to escape and remake themselves into something new.
I am sorry that your daughter feels that she cannot talk to you. But she does e-mail and she has told you about the changes in her life.
If you have her e-mail address you might want to just ask her if you can call her. Or you may want to ask why she needs the distance between her current life and her family. For all you know, she may have told her husband that she has no family. She may be living a lie. Or there may be something that happened that you have no knowledge of and she is afraid to tell you.
The worst that can happen is that nothing changes. The best is that she does make contact.
Be glad she still makes contact. It shows continued love and need for you. Apparently something happened to make her want to lose physical contact. Just continue to be there and let her know there will always be unconditional love waiting for her. Have you ever heard of Daysprings cards? You can e-mail animated cards which show a lot of humor and love. I hope you see her again.
Be grateful for ANY amount of contact, even if it's only email. This at least means that there is still hope..... My daughter and I had an arguement 4 years ago. She said nasty things, and so did I. I haven't seen her, spoken to her, or seen either of my grandchildren since then. Yes I have apologized many times, through mail, and unanswered phone calls.
So keep things light, tell her that your door will always be open if she ever feels the need. Don't force the issue.
thanks for your replies. my worry is that my daughter will never see us again.
she left home after a minor quarrel to live with the man she is now married to.
since then despite my begging and pleading with her to come home, telling her over and over that we have no ill feelings towards her or her husband, she will not let us know her address or tel. no. i only found out she was married by accident. her sisters now want nothing to do with her, and are angry when either i or her father try to make contact. they say she is selfish and hard. i think that she might think that we have made her sisters feel that way about her, but nothing could be further from the truth. we still love her dearly and only want to be reconciled with her.
this is killing me.
If you have done what you can then short of hiring a detective to find her, you have little choice other than waiting her out. She's angry right now. She may forgive in time but for now you are locked out of her life.
I feel for you. I can't imagine what it would be like to not have parents in my life. But she has to find her own way.
Time is on your side. Be patient. Sometimes you have to grow up before you can appreciate all the things your parents did for you.
I haven't spoken to anyone in my family in 13 years. I had a really bad falling out over something my sister did to me. She stole my identification and opened up alot of bills in my name. So I wanted nothing to do with her, it was pretty unforgivable what she did. My parents took her side and really, I don't care how they sided now, before it made me mad why they sided with her, but she was the favorite and I don't care what any mother says, there is always a favorite. Anyway, I won't have anything to do with them and will not have contact in any way whatsoever, I actually am happy without them in my life.
There are always two sides of the story, the one you tell people that you want to know and the story of the other person.
My sister told everyone I was the bad guy that I gave her all the information to open these bills. That was totally uncalled for and I never did such a thing. I had almost $1,000.00 in bills that needed to be taken care of, so I turned all the bills off. My mother called me telling me that there were sick babies involved. I told her that my sister did something so unforgivable then my mother told me that I did something unforgivable. She has never paid me for these bills. When I told my mother that she should open these accounts for my sister she said no because it would ruin her credit. So I guess mine wasn't good enough.
I am not saying that someone did something bad to her, but there are always two sides of the story. She must have something that she is mad about. Ask her, she just may tell you.
As my husband always says too, some people are born into the wrong family and all their lives feel unwanted and don't feel like they belong. That was definitely me.
I really feel bad for you, but if she doesn't come along, let her be, if she is happy, let her be.
I think if anyone calls in my family, I will hang up on them and pee on their grave.
That is really sad and horrible!! Your sister did a terrible thing to you and I'm not sure I would forgive my sister if she did that to me either. I couldn't imagine having no contact with my family. I'm very close to my parents and they have supported me 100% with everything. They are the same with my older brother and sister. If I ever lost contact with my entire family, I don't think I could go on living.