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Old 06-08-2007, 08:19 PM   #1
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I just lost my Mom...

My mother died last Thursday. I will miss talking to her by phone on my lunch hour...I will miss talking to her by phone when I'm taking my evening walk...I will miss calling her on Sunday and saying, "Is it okay if I come to see you for a while?"...I will miss our shopping trips...I will miss going to the orchard to get peaches in the fall...I will miss sitting with her at her dining room table, sipping coffee and talking...I will miss walking out to her garden with her and checking out the garden and her flowers...I will miss seeing her wave goodbye to me every time I left for home. I could go on and on.

Nights are the hardest. I can go to sleep, but can't stay asleep. One night it was 12:30 when I woke up and never went back to sleep. Last night it was 4:00. I figure that was a pretty good night..slept 5 hours. In the evening I have to stay busy. I can't just sit.

I'm 59 years old. I guess it doesn't matter how old you are or how old your mother was. When a daughter has to bury her mother, it hurts.

 
Old 06-08-2007, 10:00 PM   #2
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Re: I just lost my Mom...

Hi, So sorry for your loss. My Mom died 4 months ago and every day I think of something new I miss about her being gone. I wish I could say it gets better, as I'm sure it does, but to me, at times, it feels worse. I was surprised when I read that you were 59, my Mom died at the age of 64, I am 40. My first thought was how lucky you were to have your Mom for so long (sorry) but as you said, it doesn't matter how old you are when you lose your Mom, it hurts! I took my girls to Toys R Us this evening and all I could think about was the times my Mom and I would take my oldest there when she was a baby. Everywhere I go and everything I do reminds me of her. I miss her smile so much. Even while she lay dying in the hospital, she smiled at me, I know, trying to make me believe she was ok, I can't get that vision out of my mind. She will always be my hero, my best friend, my Mom....I miss her so much. Again, I am so very sorry for what you are going thru.........

 
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Old 06-08-2007, 10:01 PM   #3
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Re: I just lost my Mom...

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I know how much you will miss her. I lost my mom in August 2005. She was my best friend, and even though it's been almost two years since she left us, I still miss her as much today as I did then, but a lot of the pain has let up to where now, I can think of the funny things mom did or said and all the fun times we had, and I can smile and laugh about them now.

I also had problems sleeping after mom died. I had bad insomnia and depression for months. My doctor gave me some meds to help me sleep, and it did help a lot. You may want to talk to your doctor or someone who can listen and be there for you.

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

Hugs,

Lisa

 
Old 06-08-2007, 10:02 PM   #4
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Re: I just lost my Mom...

Hi, So sorry for your loss. My Mom died 4 months ago and every day I think of something new I miss about her being gone. I wish I could say it gets better, as I'm sure it does, but to me, at times, it feels worse. I was surprised when I read that you were 59, my Mom died at the age of 64, I am 40. My first thought was how lucky you were to have your Mom for so long (sorry) but as you said, it doesn't matter how old you are when you lose your Mom, it hurts! I took my girls to Toys R Us this evening and all I could think about was the times my Mom and I would take my oldest there when she was a baby. Everywhere I go and everything I do reminds me of her. I miss her smile so much. Even while she lay dying in the hospital, she smiled at me, I know, trying to make me believe she was ok, I can't get that vision out of my mind. She will always be my hero, my best friend, my Mom....I miss her so much. Again, I am so very sorry for what you are going thru.........

 
Old 06-08-2007, 10:09 PM   #5
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Re: I just lost my Mom...

Hi, So sorry for your loss. My Mom died 4 months ago and every day I think of something new I miss about her being gone. I wish I could say it gets better, as I'm sure it does, but to me, at times, it feels worse. I was surprised when I read that you were 59, my Mom died at the age of 64, I am 40. My first thought was how lucky you were to have your Mom for so long (sorry) but as you said, it doesn't matter how old you are when you lose your Mom, it hurts! I took my girls to Toys R Us this evening and all I could think about was the times my Mom and I would take my oldest there when she was a baby. Everywhere I go and everything I do reminds me of her. I miss her smile so much. Even while she lay dying in the hospital, she smiled at me, I know, trying to make me believe she was ok, I can't get that vision out of my mind. She will always be my hero, my best friend, my Mom....I miss her so much. Again, I am so very sorry for what you are going thru.........

 
Old 06-09-2007, 02:12 PM   #6
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Re: I just lost my Mom...

I too lost my Mom a little over a year ago. PLEASE consider seeing your doctor during this stressful time. I tried to stay busy all of the time and ended up not really grieving. It took its toll on my health, mental health, marriage and job. Thanks to caring coworkers who saw I was struggling, I went to see a therapist who is helping me. I know I have a long way to go to be able to put everything into perspective, but I don't feel so empty and anxious. A couple of things that I am doing that seem to help are writing a letter to my mom and telling her all of things that I didn't get to say, the things that I miss, am sorry for and anything that pops into my head. Also my therapist suggested that I take a timeframe which is distressing most like the beginning of mom's illness until now. Think of it as a movie and play it thru from the beginning to the designated end. Allow yourself to express the emotions. Over a period of time, keep replaying the movie - - slowly the emotions will be less intense. The sadness doesn't go away, but the emotions are more manageable.

Know that you are not alone and there are many of us out here going thru or have gone thru similar things. I'll add you to my prayer list. d

 
Old 06-10-2007, 06:17 PM   #7
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Re: I just lost my Mom...

Mama died on 5/30/07. I miss her terribly! I am 59 she was 84. I talked to her on the phone everyday from work - and also saw her everyday - I live right next door to her and my dad. People says it takes time - I just feel in knots all the time.

 
Old 06-10-2007, 07:41 PM   #8
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Re: I just lost my Mom...

Thank you to all who responded to my thread. It helps so much to know I'm not the only one walking through this fire. The idea of writing a letter is a good one...I will do that (probably on one of my sleepless nights).

Lavender01, it looks like you and I are in the same boat right now. My mother died on 5/31/07, and I am also 59. Even though we're this age, it still hurts a lot, doesn't it?

I had a very good relationship with my mom. She still had her mind, so we had good conversations whenever we were together. She still gave me good advice. Nobody loves you the way your mother does. Tonight has been a tough one for me. Yesterday I went to her house and cleaned out the spices, canned goods, etc. from her kitchen cabinets. My dad passed away in 1979, and Mom still lived in the house I grew up in. Now comes the tough chore of emptying her house. I'm really missing her tonight. Missing the phone call I made every Sunday evening, missing checking with her to see how much rain she had last night...little things like that.

Yes, I have been very blessed to have had her in my life for 59 years. Believe me, I never ever took that for granted. Many times on my trips over to see her I said a prayer of thanks that I was still able to do that. Many of my friends have already lost their mother. So to those of you out there who are younger than me and have already lost your mother, I am so sorry. You almost make me feel guilty that I was one of the lucky ones.

God's blessings to all of you as you grieve for your mothers along with me.

D.

 
Old 06-10-2007, 10:22 PM   #9
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Re: I just lost my Mom...

D.

Cleaning out my Mom's house took me forever. My Mom lived alone, also in the house I grew up in. After she died, I would go over (we lived next door to each other) and just sit in her favorite chair or lay on bed and hug her pillows. I let her house sit for two months, almost exactly as is was the day she went to the hospital, minus a couple of dishes I put away. It gave m such comfort to be there. I miss that. My niece was anxious to move in so I had to start. My brother and his wife helped, I hated other people going through her things it was so personal. I wouldn't let anyone help me with her bedroom, and it was the last room we took down. Oh the memories I found in that house. I miss her so much, as I know you miss your Mom too. I have been praying now for 4 months for a sign from her that she is ok. I have faith that she is in heaven, but what peace I would have if I could have a little sign. Anyway, 4 months later and on some days I still cry like a baby!! God Bless.....
Darlene

 
Old 06-10-2007, 11:19 PM   #10
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Re: I just lost my Mom...

Just finished visiting old "friends" on the lung cancer site and noticed the title of this thread. I lost my 82 yr old mom to Lung cancer on Nov. 25,2006 just 2 weeks before my 49th birthday.I lived 120 miles from my mom but frequently visited and called or E-mailed her. Once I became an adult she was not just my mom but was my friend too. I had a much closer relationship to her then any of my siblings. Until the cancer she was healthy,active and 100% mentally there, much younger then her 80 yrs.

Since her death I have concentrated on what I had verses what I lost and while I do have sad moments when things bring back memories I can not say I sit around crying alot. My mom would want us all out there enjoying life. If someone asked me what type of person my mom was I would have to say she was someone that loved life.

This past week I had my best friend from high school visit me . We had not seen each other for 10 yrs. Then last weekend My sisters both came down from Oregon to be in The Big dog Parade with me and my dogs. ( it is a fun festive parade for dogs and owners here in Santa Barbara that raises money for charities) I have always enjoyed the parade very much as it is just so much fun, one year my mom and her two dogs came up and walked in it with me and my friends and in 2005 fatigued from chemo she came up to watch the parade so there are lots of good memories there. Anyway with all that has gone on this past week I should be feeling great but I noticed that what I feel is empty or even dead inside. I feel I am just going through the motions of life but the joy or fire that use to burn inside is gone.

Do the rest of you feel this way too? Am I just trying to push aside the grief that I feel? Does anyone know how you find that spark again once it is gone or did it die too with our mothers?

I have been lucky as my dad is still alive and lives in the house so I can take my time packing up my mom's belongings and do it only when I feel like it on visits down to check on him. That is the other hard part at almost 83 my poor dad is lost without my mom and so overwhelmed by it all. I had often asked why my mom had to die first as it would have been much easier the other way around but I already know the answer and it was so that me and my siblings would get to know my dad better. He was always so tied up with work that we never really knew him so now it is "Dad time".

I believe we grieve for our moms forever but find comfort in the fact I know I will see her again some day. JanMarie

 
Old 06-11-2007, 10:12 AM   #11
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Re: I just lost my Mom...

I lost my mom 12-26-06. It's still so hard to believe. I'm so sad. My dad is doing as well as could possibly be expected. Hang in there everyone.

 
Old 06-12-2007, 01:36 AM   #12
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Re: I just lost my Mom...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emptybonz View Post
My mother died last Thursday. I will miss talking to her by phone on my lunch hour...I will miss talking to her by phone when I'm taking my evening walk...I will miss calling her on Sunday and saying, "Is it okay if I come to see you for a while?"...I will miss our shopping trips...I will miss going to the orchard to get peaches in the fall...I will miss sitting with her at her dining room table, sipping coffee and talking...I will miss walking out to her garden with her and checking out the garden and her flowers...I will miss seeing her wave goodbye to me every time I left for home. I could go on and on.

Nights are the hardest. I can go to sleep, but can't stay asleep. One night it was 12:30 when I woke up and never went back to sleep. Last night it was 4:00. I figure that was a pretty good night..slept 5 hours. In the evening I have to stay busy. I can't just sit.

I'm 59 years old. I guess it doesn't matter how old you are or how old your mother was. When a daughter has to bury her mother, it hurts.

 
Old 06-12-2007, 01:42 AM   #13
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Re: I just lost my Mom...

Emptybonz, I know your feeling of loss and pain. My mom died at age 68 on Jan. 30th (4 1/2 months ago). She had been battling bladder cancer for almost two years to the day that she died. I miss talking to my mom and crying on her shoulder. She was always there for us. I miss calling her and her calling me. I miss going to her house and eating her lucious food. I still say I need to call mama and tell her.... and then I remember that I can't. It still hurts as much as it did the day she died and some days it hurts worse. Everything is so different without mama. Our family does not get together like we used to and it now has become evident that she was the center of our family and we all gravitated to her and that is why we spent so much time together. We only see each other occasionally now. It is really sad. I am concentrating on my dad now. He is sooooooooo lonely and sad. They had been married 50 years. I don't think I will ever be whole again. I will miss her until the day I leave this world and see her again. She was so precious. You were right - when a daughter buries her mother it hurts and nothing can replace her. May God give you peace and keep you in his care.

 
Old 06-12-2007, 10:07 AM   #14
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Re: I just lost my Mom...

I lost my mom Easter Sunday. I was at the house with my sister. We had just come to spend the weekend with my mom and my dad. My mom was 81. She died in her sleep.

I am 51. It isn't going to be easy. I am in a deep sadness. The only reason I am sleeping at night is because I take medication for depression. I think that's also the only reason I am able to function at all.

I feel for you. It's very hard.

Sara

 
Old 06-25-2007, 03:17 PM   #15
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Re: I just lost my Mom...

I lost my dearly loved 88 yr. old mom Jan. 15th and even at her age it was so unexpected. She was active and still living in her home,and had never suffered from any illness or surgery. I had moved back to be near her and thought she would live well into her 90's. We did everything together: church, shopping, traveling, and visiting other family members. Mom was so talented as an artist, a great conversationalist, funny, and spontaneous - not what you would consider an, "old acting lady". She loved clothes and kept up her appearance. Only some memory problems, and confusion at times. However, this didn't inhibit her from doing things. My whole life was focused on my mom as I am not married and have no children. I am completely lost without her. I think of her always, cry often, and just ache inside knowing I will never fell her hug again in this life. I cling to the faith and hope of God's promise of eternal life as I know she is in heaven. I often feel that I want to join her as I don't desire anything in this life. They tell me this is part of the grieving process - like having a whole in your heart. Somedays I think I'm making progress, but I have many setbacks. I talk to her all the time, and pray for the Holy Spirit to strengthen me. I am determined to be strong as this life is short compared to eternity.

Last edited by linnylou; 06-25-2007 at 03:20 PM.

 
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