As I look for some sort of peace, I look thru all these stories of people who feel like me and I just can't stop the tears. It is a little over two months since my mother lost a 8 month courageous battle to cancer. Never ever sick a day in her life and she gets hit with something that was bigger than all of us. She was 64 years young, had 4 kids and 7 grandkids with one on the way. And I still can't believe that she isn't here enjoying them. I talked to her 4 times a day about everything and nothing and I saw her everyday and now she is just not here. The cemetary called to tell me her name was up on the crypt, as if it was some great news. There was such finality to it, seeing her name there. I fell apart. I just can't believe it. I am thankful I have my three boys (8,6 and soon to be 3) to keep me busy. But when I get them off to sleep, my world just falls apart and I cry and cry and can't stop. I just keep reliving her last days and how me and my sisters took care of her at home. I can't get past it. How long before this pain in your chest disappears? I know that time will help, but I keep thinking she should be here, I am so cheated, by boys are cheated, my father just retired so they could travel and enjoy and one month later she is diagnosed. Today was Father's Day, and everyone was at my house, enjoying the nice weather, and I keep thinking she should be here, running after the boys, laughing at my baby who is talking so much. My father looks so lonely and I feel like I can't breathe. I am sorry, I know so many of you have been here, but its so painful for me. to even say it, write it ... Thank you for your posted. They help, they hurt, I hurt for all of you and wish peace. I pray that she comes to me in my dreams and just smiles, oh, to feel a hug from her. I just miss her so ....
My mother died Easter Sunday. She wasn't ill. She just went to bed and never woke up. She was 81. There was no time to prepare for this. There was no knowing that she was going to die. I went to bed Saturday night and she was gone Sunday morning.
I don't think that empty feeling will go away for a while. I have it as well. I call my parents home to check on my dad and I keep thinking that she will pick up. She was the one who kept me going when I was in the depths of depression. She kept me from taking my own life when I thought life was not worth living. I was dependent on her to lift me up even though she never really understood my illness or why I was so sad.
Now I have to stay alive. I have an 81 year old father who has lost the woman he lived with for 59 years. They grew up next door to each other and he married the girl next door. He is as lost as the rest of us are.
I know that sense of sadness you are feeling. I know that hole in your heart. I also know that some days are better than others.
If you find that you cannot stop crying, I would strongly suggest going into grief therapy. Or find a grief support group. You will never really have closure but at least you will be talking to people who feel the exact same way you feel and just knowing that helps tremendously.
I lost my mother and best friend of 16 years, June 07, 2007. There have been so many changes, in these last 2 months. Long months that feel like an eternity.
I am far from being a suicidal person...but grief thing is enough, to make a person snap.
I would like to say: Yes, I have things together. But the truth of it is...
I am crumbling, within myself. Does this sound stupid to you?
I quit my personal care job, how can I take care of other people, when I can't rely on myself, for me? I'm snapping on people, I seem frustrated (all the time), I don't smile, that flickering glow that I used to posess, it now stands at a flicker. I am creative. I like to paint and my mother gave me that quality. I just cry so much that I cant see what I am painting. She always reminded me of Lucy. She was always doing zany things. I see so much of her, in me that I am scared and I am honored.
There wasn't a morning for 16 years...that I did NOt give my mother a daily:
I Love You! So between 9 and 10 a.m., I have a breakdown. I know that my mother would not want for me, to grieve like this...But I Wasn't Ready. My dad died when I was in a personal care home. I was just learning to walk and talk. I spent those 16 years, building a wonderful, struggling of being me and of bonding.
I think of all those years, where I would call her w/ my silly words, thoughts,
tears and frustrations. She was always there. And if she wasn't physically there, I would leave the whole conversation, on her machine. Like she was standing , in the room. I still call her #. It says that
I have the wrong #. I yell into the phone...Don't tell me that she's not there-
that's my mother!!! Yes, I am losing it!!! Thanks, for listening. Love and Friendship
Hello, my sister Beausiful sent me a link to this board... we actually lost our mom on April 7, 2007, it just was the 2 month anniversary that is why I think she said June 7th.
I unlike my sister, BEAUSIFUL lived 500 miles away from my hometown.
I called my mom sometimes 3-4 times a day...for no reason but to hear her voice or to tell her the latest thing my DD did as she is only 4 and just a joy to be around.
I REALLY miss my Mom...
It came as a real shock as it was totally unexpected, no major health issues, she was a smoker but her death had nothing to do with that. I talked to her the week leading up to Easter and on Good Friday and told her with my work schedule (I only work weekends) I would call her on Easter Sunday.. she complained that she had a stomach virus... etc... She had been sleeping a lot and not feeling well.
I went to work Saturday.. and got a call from my sister telling me to call her...by the time I got home from work it was about 11:30pm.... she proceeded to tell me that our Mom died.. I was like WHAT????? totally in shock as I just spoke with her... The next several days were quite busy as we had to travel and I am so thankful that my sister lived in the same town as our mom and she did a wonderful job starting to make arrangements until I could join her.
May was a hard month as Mother's Day approached we also had to deal with Mom's birthday being 3 days later... and then 2 days after that was our Dad's anniversary of his death....
My faith has totally gotten me through the roughest part.
I really miss her, she was a legacy for my children.
Things are kinda becoming finalized as we had chosen the stone and that just got ordered and then of course the insurance check, it also seems to solidify the fact that she is really gone. My sister and I have been trying to recall to make a memory book for my children especially my DD who is only 4. She would make my mom laugh and gave her so much joy.
There are a few songs that give me some peace and comfort that I would like to share:
I wish you were here, by Mark Harris
Tunnel, by Third Day
When I get where I am going., by Brad Paisley
I also started a **** where I can journal and that seems to help. I still cry a river of tears but I am trying to work through this and i know that it might be a long road ahead of me... but I am moving forward, I know that is what MOM would have wanted.
I know she loved us, provided the best for us despite some decisions and life situations but over all we turned out good and we are independent and strong women, like my mom.
MOM, I miss you and wish you were here~
Mothering is a Profession
and I LOVE my job!
I am sitting here crying right now - I miss mine so much! She passed away on 5/30/07. She was 84. Diagnosed with lung cancer on 4/19/07. She never smoked a cigarette. I miss her terribly. I live right next door to her and my dad. I know he is awful lonely. They were married 64 years on 4/14/07. I called her everyday from work - took her to doctor, groceries just with her all the time! I feel so lost - I have 3 older brothers. I am 50.
I hurt so much.
I lost my mother on 5/31/07. How I miss her! She died in her sleep...went to bed at night and woke in heaven. That is the way she wanted to go, and that is the way I prayed she would go. She was 89. She was active to the end and she still had her mind. I am so thankful for the way God chose to call her home.
I will miss our visits, our little shopping trips, her laughter, checking out her garden together, checking out the farm crops with her, her cooking, sitting at her kitchen table with a cup of coffee and talking, her love for me. I guess these things I am missing so much right now are the same things the rest of you are missing with your mothers. I wonder how long we will feel like this....
Lavender01, my heart goes out to you. You were the only daughter. It sounds like you were very close to your mother, just like I was to mine. I was the only daughter, too. Know you are not the only one out there feeling like you do. This is not fun, but nevertheless it is something we all must go through sooner or later. You and I were blessed to have our mothers for as long as we did.
I lost my mother 12/26/06. I wish I could say it has gotten better. My mother died after a long battle with cancer. I know it is better that she isn't here suffering but I miss her and think about her every monute of every day...
I saw your post...just wanted to say that I am sorry for your loss...I still have my mom..but, my father passed away in 1989..I still think of him,and miss him...so what I do, that helps for me..is talk to him..(I got the idea I think from not just friends and such..but, also t.v. shows and old movies where they would talk to their spouses or family members and there was their photo near by.)..I have a photo of my dad..and he and I "talk" sometimes...I ask for him to send me signs that he is around me...and I think that sometimes he actually does...I hope that I haven't missed any, ya know?
But, it is a nice thing to know that they are near by...it just is!
You might want to get that book called "Angel Watch",I don't have the book at hand..I forgot the authors name.but ****** it..and see if you can get this book...it helps you figure out your feelings when you feel kind of blue...it has some wonderful stories in it that are true...and there are some about a man that this author and her hubby have known who has passed away..that brings signs to this couple...really nice and really positive signs! I think that this book is a great thing to have around....it is a great pick me up!
I know that it has helped me alot!
Also, look for inspiring books too...that always helps...also true stories...when I feel down..I love to read those books, or books that help me to laugh more!
I also think that your family, just like my father would want for you to be doing things that make you sooo happy...not sad..they would want for you to stop always getting down over them..and do what you love to do,and or do what is good for your soul! I write poetry and I post it online and I am also writing children's stories..(I KNOW for sure that my dad would absolutely love that I am doing these things..He has always wanted for me to write whatever I liked to write about!!)I also saved his letters, from way back when and he wrote this over and over to me!!
You can always do something for them...like make a quilt or join a class, or get creative...or donate (I saw a story I think in a magazine recently about a woman that donates yummy southern foods to people ,in the name of her granny who passed on) I think that she and her family do this like every Christmas or something like that! I thought that this was very sweet!I also thought, that is such a great idea...that way, you always carry that person with you, even more so!
(You will never lose who you love, they are always ,always with you!!!!)
so, I hope that you can do something that might help you in your loss,,,something powerful for you..and something that you know would make YOU happy..and that gives you soul and goodness inside!!
I lost my Mom in 1997, my Dad in 2001, and my husband in Nov. 2006. I know what all of you are going through. I still cry for my Mom and Dad and the grief for my husband is still very fresh. He was only 59 and cancer got him . Today would have been our 37th wedding anniversary Just try to remember that they are in a better place now (that's what I believe) and we will see them one day. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you
I am so sorry for your losses. I still have my Mom, Dad and husband. I would miss them all so dearly. I would really miss not being able to talk to my Mom. I really need to appreciate them more while I have them.
Thank you for making me realize this.
I don't know what brought me to this thread, but I have been in tears holding a tissue now for the last 10 minute reading. I still have my mom here with me, but she recently moved 170 miles away from me. My parents bankrupted and they relocated. TO me, it is the end of the world that she is not here with me and I acted very ugly about the whole ordeal. I let three weeks go by and did not call her because I was mad she LEFT ME HERE! Mind ya, I am 34 years old with a family of 4 here and could not have moved if I wanted to.
Now reading these posts, I just want to call her and tell her I love her so much. I feel ashamed for acting ugly and maybe this is what brought me to your site. I met my biological father the first time about 3 years ago, he had fought cancer for several months and I finally gathered up the courage to meet him, then he lived about another 4 months and died. That was very hard, because he was only in his right mind up to about 3 weeks after I met him, then he slipped fast away. It was horrible!!!!! He smoked 4 packs of cigerettes a day and worked in a body garage with no proper ventilation for years. He had nose cancer that went into his brain and disfigured him! I am a spittin' image of him and this also bothers me. But back to my mother, I am very close to her and everytime we are together, I probably tell her I love her about 10 times. She comes down to see us once a month. Now, I am looking forward to our visit more than you will know.
I have a little girl of my own now that I am very bonded to. I believe it is a mother/daughter thing that just takes place. I am over weight by alot, by 137 pounds. I often found myself thinking about "what if something was to happen to me, my poor children..who would they have?" This was driving me crazy and to make a long story short I decided I had to do something, so that I did not die and leave my babies! I think I am crazy because I find myself praying to GOD to keep my babies in his hands, because I would go crazy if anything should ever happen to one of them. Back to my point...mother/daughter relationships are the most bonded relationship that there is, in my opinion. I am sorry for your losses, and I pray that GOD gives you strength and comfort. I thank you for showing me that I need to treasure my mother more than I do-while I still have her to do so.
Thanks for your words, believe me my head knows that time will heal all of us, but my heart just is so full of love for my mother, my family but yet it feels so empty, the pain is so strong I just wonder when it will fade a bit so the nights can not be so hard. Thanks for listening. It was a OK day today, but my nights are just empty and hard and I fall apart. Thank God for computers so I can chat with you and others who get it. Thank you!
I will definately look into the books you mentioned, I too am an avid reader, just like my mom. I think of her and smile sometimes, but I just had my birthday and it is hard not to have her here. It is so hard not to hear her voice, she was such a part of my daily life, routine, helped me in everyway possible. with little things, I just wish, I just hope that i can see her in my dreams and feel a hug or see her laugh, she had such a laugh and always smiled and loved my three boys so much. she was so amazing and had such a presence about her, everyone loved her and she had such great stories and was just amazing. I miss her all day, everyday, it is just so hard.
Hello, and I am so sorry for all of your losses.
I too lost my mother May 14th, She made it all through mothers day then at 130 am she left us. It was a shock, we didnt know she was sick except for maybe the flu. The morning she collasped I had bought her some chili dogs, she was still cleaning, she was paying bills when she fell over. All I can say is thank God I was home, I had to give her cpr, I was and still am in shock. I lived with my mom my entire life, I vowed to take care of her, how did I not know how sick she was? She had pnunomia(sp) , emphsema (sp)lung cancer, cancer in her bones, cancer in the spine. The doctors dont even understand how she even walked around, let alone went to the bathroom. She was so tiny, But it was like when she turned 76 she got old, she was a little old lady.
I miss her so bad, im having such a hard time she helped me, i helped her we were a team. @ weeks later I lost a good friends of mine, then 2 days after that my aunt died. So im having a hard time, everyone is dying.
So I will remember all of you in my prayers tonight, mamas are special, and you only get one, i dont think one ever gets over the loss.
Just wondering how ya'll are doing.
Well another month has passed, and it is harder than when it first happened. I cant grocery shop, I cant even go to work. When will i ever feel somewhat normal. God I miss my mom sooo Bad! I feel like im on another planet!
I dont even want to go on. We did so good when she died, and slowly we are all falling apart, it is different for all of us, we each had a different relationship with mom, but hey i was her baby! what am i now?
all ive ever been was the baby. i wasnt done learning from her, all these problems with the family i dont know how to solve them. it hurts so bad i cant even think of her. With ever loud noise i hear her hitting the ground unconscience, i see her face on the ground, i remember her gasping for air.
i just fumble through each day waiting till nighttime to sleep, but cant.
the good times hurt the most, her favorite tv shows, that i couldnt bother her during. me calling her on my lunch break to complain about my stupid coworkers and bosses, for her to reassure me that it was all them and i wasnt wrong. i am at a lost, my whole life surrounded around her. now what do i do? i pray none of you feel an inch of how i feel, that would be terrible!